I...don't know how much to tell you. I don't want to put echoes of what happened to me in your mind...there's no need for you to experience that pain. It won't help.
But it's hard to explain, without it...it's easy to look at me and say, "you could have found a different way!" if you don't understand that I'd tried to. I...
[He takes a breath in, a breath out. His tail is pressed tightly to his paws.]
For a long time...I couldn't really talk about this. It was too hard...it made me too angry!
[Among other things. He didn't like the way it made him feel. Powerless, held back by his promise to Ryou, weak.]
What happened to me...
[One more moment, to steel himself.]
...he cut out my heart, while I was awake. I remember seeing it, in front of me...
[Like Steve's, he'd thought. Like Steve's, but smaller.]
...and, the next thing I remember is wandering around Bavan, with a note from the surgeon taped to my chest and the taste of blood in my mouth. I'd attacked somebody, at least two people -- but I couldn't remember who.
A few people found me. I remember that much. But, those hours...it's a blur. It's confused! I don't remember what order any of it happened in...only that some of my friends found me, at some point, and eventually, I found myself in the casino, or Poundmates, and Mukuro -- or Steve -- brought me back to the apartments.
cw vivisection, dissociation/depersonalization, traumatic blackouts
I...don't know how much to tell you. I don't want to put echoes of what happened to me in your mind...there's no need for you to experience that pain. It won't help.
But it's hard to explain, without it...it's easy to look at me and say, "you could have found a different way!" if you don't understand that I'd tried to. I...
[He takes a breath in, a breath out. His tail is pressed tightly to his paws.]
For a long time...I couldn't really talk about this. It was too hard...it made me too angry!
[Among other things. He didn't like the way it made him feel. Powerless, held back by his promise to Ryou, weak.]
What happened to me...
[One more moment, to steel himself.]
...he cut out my heart, while I was awake. I remember seeing it, in front of me...
[Like Steve's, he'd thought. Like Steve's, but smaller.]
...and, the next thing I remember is wandering around Bavan, with a note from the surgeon taped to my chest and the taste of blood in my mouth. I'd attacked somebody, at least two people -- but I couldn't remember who.
A few people found me. I remember that much. But, those hours...it's a blur. It's confused! I don't remember what order any of it happened in...only that some of my friends found me, at some point, and eventually, I found myself in the casino, or Poundmates, and Mukuro -- or Steve -- brought me back to the apartments.