[Ryou takes a deep, long breath, steeling himself. He's much calmer now that he'd been before, and a quick swipe at his eyes dries what's left of his tears. He's going to attempt not to cry again, because it's kind of embarrassing honestly.
Once he's wiped his face, both hands go to his knees, clasping at his pant legs tightly, enough that there's pretty visible wrinkles.
It's not easy.
But he's going to do it.]
Um, so. This all happened in November. I remember looking into a mirror and then there was pain. I don't know how long it went on, only that...after that, I was so hungry.
It was my first Hunger, so I expected it, and I intended to sort out--
[He stops suddenly, and shakes his head.]
No. No lies.
I didn't want to eat a soul. I was going to try and avoid it, and maybe I'd have done a little better, but something about that mirror unlocked an ugly, disgusting part of me. It brought it out of all of us, in different ways. Like...sins. Vices.
I have never, ever felt such a ravenous hunger like that. Nothing would satisfy!
[His clawed fingers dig harder into his knees, he can feel them ready to prick right through his clothing.]
Atem, I...I don't know how many people I killed. It was...beyond me. I was completely gone out of my mind. I just ate and ate and ate and no amount of souls filled that emptiness and I could hear her in my head telling me it was alright, this was what I was supposed to do. I heard her.
Her.
[He doesn't want to elaborate, but he probably doesn't need to. Hell, he didn't need Javert or anyone else to ever elaborate to come to the conclusion that the Fog God was encouraging his behaviors, as if she needed to. Haha. As if he could even stop himself.
He doesn't remember how many people he killed, but he does recall the absolute pleasure he felt, for one hot second, as he snuffed them out. Then it was extinguished and that clawing, bone-deep emptiness that sharpened his monster senses while pressing in like a migraine at the same time. It made him angry that he couldn't sate that void, so he kept doing it.
The thought now sickens him to a brief silence...which gives Atem just enough of a pause in the story to respond, if he wants.]
no subject
[Ryou takes a deep, long breath, steeling himself. He's much calmer now that he'd been before, and a quick swipe at his eyes dries what's left of his tears. He's going to attempt not to cry again, because it's kind of embarrassing honestly.
Once he's wiped his face, both hands go to his knees, clasping at his pant legs tightly, enough that there's pretty visible wrinkles.
It's not easy.
But he's going to do it.]
Um, so. This all happened in November. I remember looking into a mirror and then there was pain. I don't know how long it went on, only that...after that, I was so hungry.
It was my first Hunger, so I expected it, and I intended to sort out--
[He stops suddenly, and shakes his head.]
No. No lies.
I didn't want to eat a soul. I was going to try and avoid it, and maybe I'd have done a little better, but something about that mirror unlocked an ugly, disgusting part of me. It brought it out of all of us, in different ways. Like...sins. Vices.
I have never, ever felt such a ravenous hunger like that. Nothing would satisfy!
[His clawed fingers dig harder into his knees, he can feel them ready to prick right through his clothing.]
Atem, I...I don't know how many people I killed. It was...beyond me. I was completely gone out of my mind. I just ate and ate and ate and no amount of souls filled that emptiness and I could hear her in my head telling me it was alright, this was what I was supposed to do. I heard her.
Her.
[He doesn't want to elaborate, but he probably doesn't need to. Hell, he didn't need Javert or anyone else to ever elaborate to come to the conclusion that the Fog God was encouraging his behaviors, as if she needed to. Haha. As if he could even stop himself.
He doesn't remember how many people he killed, but he does recall the absolute pleasure he felt, for one hot second, as he snuffed them out. Then it was extinguished and that clawing, bone-deep emptiness that sharpened his monster senses while pressing in like a migraine at the same time. It made him angry that he couldn't sate that void, so he kept doing it.
The thought now sickens him to a brief silence...which gives Atem just enough of a pause in the story to respond, if he wants.]