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knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message. | ||||
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Sure, the feeling of love has been there for longer than either of them likely realized, mutual but never talked about openly. But the last thing Komaeda ever expected was to hear it so blatantly... How many times had he told Atem he's loved him and never gotten a response? (Three times, that's how many.)
He feels, in that moment, like he did when they were flying. When their souls entwined and their hearts drew in close to one another, and the world around them didn't matter, because it was all about the person there with them. It feels like the quest to become a werewolf is forgotten, like the mouth to the deadly lager woods is nothing more than a fairy tale forest, and all that matters, singularly, is that they love each other.
Sea glass shards roll down Komaeda's cheeks faster than he can realize he's even crying, and when he does, he's quick to touch at his cheeks and catch a few.]
O-Oh, [he finally finds his voice, and then exhales a laugh,] sorry, Atem-kun... I'm not upset, I promise...!
[Maybe a part of him is, because loving each other isn't the same as being able to be together... Not when Ryou has only ever talked to him about it in hypotheticals, and the situation is more complicated than what simple love can conquer.]
I'm just happy to finally hear it... I never thought I would...
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Atem's jaws part in worry. Even though Komaeda says he's not upset but happy, it's still...
He turns fully back around and approaches, padding over on canine paws that are soft on the ground, and puts a clawed hand on Komaeda's shoulder.]
I should at least be able to say it, right? Even if I can't do anything else about it right now, it doesn't change things to be honest about how I feel. That's okay, isn't it?
[He feels like it is. It's the truth...it's not going to be followed up with detailed fantasy or anything else that smacks of taking advantage of this time alone for gratification behind Ryou's back. It's just saying something they both know, instead of pretending not acknowledging it will make it any better.]
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It's not... not okay.
[Atem is right. Being honest about feelings isn't wrong, per se, but it's probably irresponsible. Despite both of their partner(s) knowing the care they have for each other, anything that edges too close to the line should still be something they shy away from, he thinks.
It had been completely impulsive, the way those words slipped out of his mouth—and different from the cowardly way he had last confessed his feelings. When it was through Atem's spell, it felt like it was over the phone or something... There was a sense of distance that made it feel safe. But now, with the warmth of Atem's touch and the tenderness of his tone, it feels like Komaeda's being tested.]
We should still be careful, though... I don't want to get too hopeful or impulsive, and end up doing something you hate.
[His words are said with the hint of a frustrated whine. Atem is touching him but he's doing his best to keep his arms completely to himself. As happy as hearing those words from Atem makes him, the distraction is needed now more than ever.]
Let's get going, alright...? We have to bury our bags.
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Now that Komaeda's done it, though, Atem lets his hand drop from Komaeda's shoulder and re-adjusts the pack slung over his back.]
Yeah. Let's go.
[He heads for the woods -- and, only when he's sure Komaeda's following him does he go on:]
We'll have to find a good spot...a place where the dirt isn't too hard, with a landmark so we won't lose track of where they are. Though, I'll probably be able to find them again by smell...
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As Atem turns his back, Komaeda's mind is pulled back to his conversation with Ryou. A part of him still remains skeptical that things will resolve so simply, but... The part of him that still holds onto hope, that desperately yearns for the things he's always been unable to have in his life, is holding on.
The thoughts now swirling in his head have him hesitate, but only for a moment. Then he's following after Atem again, letting him lead the way.]
This is my first time in the lager woods, actually. [He says, as he fiddles with the zipper on his duffel bag idly.] I thought a place like this would have less of a chance of other monsters interrupting us... So, I'm going to defer to your judgement in choosing the spot, Atem-kun.
Maybe near a tree? That would be easier to carve a marking into.
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[He says, with another short, barking laugh.]
But there's one place in particular I'm going to head for...I think it'll help you practice some werewolf things, without having to run too much.
[His tail starts to swish with anticipation, the wag of a dog that's done something clever and is pleased with itself. They step into the tree cover as dusk gives way to night, the tree-leaves blocking out the stars, even in places without patches of mist. Atem leads them along a winding path, nose turned upward, sniffing in this direction and that.]
Luckily, I've been in and out of here quite a bit -- and with a werewolf's nose! I think this'll be fun...
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It'll be fun, huh...? [Komaeda can't help but chuckle at that,] you're so excited, Atem-kun!
[He's glad that Atem already has some plans in mind, considering that he sort of invited the guy here blind. Komaeda is sort of left to wonder what sort of spot he's being led towards.]
I hope that your other trips out here haven't been too bad.
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[Called out! Betrayed by his tail! But it's not too bad, it's not like it's a secret.]
It's true that none of the times I've been in this forest have ended badly for me. That's lucky...usually there was one thing or another that kept me from getting lost, so I don't have any bad memories here.
[Swish swish swish!]
Honestly, I like the woods...it's an impressive place!
[Especially since some of his memories came back, Atem has been a little awed by deep old woods with big big trees. It's a biome he hadn't visited before he came here, and where he was born, wood was a precious, expensive import and most trees a carefully cultivated luxury. So, being surrounded by tangled old forest is cool, like having a beautiful gold-mine down the street that you can just picnic in.]
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Right... Something like a big forest like this is pretty unfamiliar to you, right? Where you grew up didn't have anything like this.
[Trees taller than you could imagine, ancient and all-knowing of the land they stand upon... For as much respect as Komaeda has for the preservation of this particular nature, he still looks up at them with a slight tension to his frame. He's never been much of a camper... And without the animal instinct that might make it more fun, he feels as much like a fish out of water as can be.]
I grew up in the city, and my parents never took me on outdoorsy trips... So I've never really been camping in the traditional sense. I have to admit, I'll be relying on you a lot tonight for our hopeful survival until morning!
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It's just overnight. As long as we build a fire, we should be okay...if worst comes to worst, we can use your explosives for warmth! Heh heh!
[His tail's still going, contentedly, enjoying the walk -- but, it picks up all of a sudden as Atem lifts his nose a little higher and his ears swivel forward. Looks like he's caught the scent he's been looking for!
If Komaeda is attuned to water with any of his senses, he might start to pick up that they're approaching some. Atem's ears can pick up the sound of running water before long, but Komaeda's might take more time!]
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Then it's a good thing I brought this gunpowder, huh...? Maybe they should call me the Ultimate Clairvoyant?
[It's a bit of a lame joke, one that Atem likely won't get, but it tickles Komaeda all the same. A past version of himself might not have been able to make such a joke, deigning the idea of Ultimates too sacred to blaspheme against by insinuating he could ever be as great as them, but now... It feels good to make fun of his past, a bit.
Though, his attention is certainly pulled away from his thoughts as he senses the growing humidity in the air more than the sound of rushing water. It's as if his parched scales are desperately trying to soak in as much moisture from the air as possible.]
Are we setting up camp near water...?
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That's right! You'll need it if we're going to be by a fire all night...and, we're going to play in it.
[The trees in front of them start to thin out, and Komaeda will be able to see a stretch of water of a good width, a wide pool made by a bend in a forest stream. Most of the water is pretty calm, except for where the water pours into the pond from uphill and where it exits on its way down: it's a good place for swimming, but the rocks that break the surface here and there suggest maybe it's not a great idea to try diving.
There's a stretch of grass that's clear of the woods and fairly flat, and the trees right at the edge of that are what Atem's headed for.
It'd be prettier during the day, or on a clear night where you could see the stars, but a patch of fog is passing through here, and instead, it looks spooky and eerie.]
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It won't be a problem if I get my tail? [He asks, sounding less bothered by it than he does apprehensive. He doesn't want to stall their fun by becoming immobile on land, after all.] I mean, I trust your judgement Atem-kun... But if I go too deep in the water, we'll have to wait for my legs to come back.
[He says this while still following after the other, his gaze flitting between the broader line of Atem's shoulders and the scenery around them.]
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That's okay! We'll probably be hungry by then...so we can sit around the fire and rest, until you get your legs back.
[Aha, this looks good....there's not too many roots here....]
Come on. Help me dig!
[Atem puts his pack down and starts going at the dirt with his clawed hands!]
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He settles in next to Atem, where he gets down on his hand and knees. He doesn't quite have the digging strength of a werewolf, but even as a merperson, he can willingly extend his claws into something a bit bigger and stronger to tear through the softer dirt with. He'll start to scrape away at it, though not nearly as efficiently as Atem can.]
You know... I wanted to thank you for agreeing to this, [he mentions quietly, as they work at that digging spot together,] not just helping me fly... But also helping me with this. Especially on such short notice...
[He always knows how reliable Atem can be, but a small part of him is still a little worried.]
I hope you'll tell me if I'm ever asking too much or bothering you...
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It isn't that I don't have other responsibilities, but...getting to spend time with you...it's special. No matter what we're doing!
[He's not just here because he was asked for help -- it's also because he wants to be, very much.]
If it ever felt like a bother, I would tell you. But that wouldn't be so bad, would it? It would mean we spent enough time together that this happiness was what was normal for us. That I got to spend so much time with you that missing one project wouldn't feel like I was losing out on something I can't replace.
[The hole is just about deep enough, and Atem surveys it with a keen but satisfied eye, sitting back on his haunches.]
...imagine how many good memories we'd have together, in a situation like that.
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His head bows slightly, obscuring the bluish tint that rises to his cheeks with the long tendrils of his anemone-like hair.]
I think I'd have liked that, honestly... Maybe if I hadn't disappeared, or if we hadn't fought...
[—or if Komaeda hadn't made things worse by telling Atem that he was in love with him—]
...Then we could have become comfortable with each other, like you are with others.
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[The hole seems deep enough, now...Atem puts his own bag in it, then waits for Komaeda's to join it, looking over at him.
How does he feel...? A little nostalgic, if you can be nostalgic for something that hasn't happened.]
And maybe I still would have taken you up on this. Because I think this is going to be fun!
[His tail wags in the dirt, making a little semicircle in the fallen leaves and debris.]
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I'm glad you did, [he smiles as he says it, trying not to stare at the way Atem's tail cutely whips the dirt and leaves up into a little cloud.] Being with you like this... It makes my heart feel like it's healing.
[He pulls his bag around his side and shuffles forward in the dirt on his knees, setting it into the hole.]
I think with you as my help, we'll definitely have fun fulfilling Mana's quest.
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[The tension melts, and now it's just time for fun...! Atem's tail picks up faster, a doggy grin on his face.]
All right! Time to bury it!
[He turns to the side, 90 degrees away from the hole, and uses his hand to kick the dirt they displaced back over their backpacks! Scratch scratch scratch!]
Do it like this -- it's faster than cupping your hands!
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His best is rather pathetic looking, but after taking off his shoes, he does manage to scoot a bit of dirt over their bags and not be a complete freeloader. Luckily, his claws and webbing help a bit with it, even if it's not as effective as a werewolf's hindpaws.]
This is so... physical!
[He huffs as he sets back down onto his haunches and pulls over the water bottle he brought with him. With a few chugs, he'll be back to normal, but he's still catching his breath a bit.]
I'd imagine that a werewolf's muscles are much more handy for this sort of thing... A merperson doesn't need to have strong legs when it's their tail doing all the work...
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SKIPPING AHEAD TO THE CONFESSION
They buried their things, Atem threw sticks in the lake for Komaeda to fetch, they laid out by the fire to dry, they ate snacks, and they ran around following scents for a little while, but the conversation's dropped off for now. Atem is lying on his back by the fire, gazing up through the trees.
There's something weighing on his mind, in the peaceful, companionable quiet.
Atem knows that Nanami is one of Komaeda's first, best friends. That if anything happened to her, he wouldn't hesitate...Komaeda is more or less stable right now, but that doesn't make him not dangerous.
If Komaeda finds out how Atem hurt her, last month...
...well. Atem is due a penalty, for fighting a monster for the sake of a human. And he thinks, surrounded by the woods' sacred fog, that he would rather know who it was coming from, and when, than be caught by surprise.]
Hey, Nagito...
...
...you remember what I was like, when we met in the memory fog, right? A few weeks ago.
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He has his knees tucked comfortably to his chest, when Atem speaks up. With his head leaning on his forearms, his cheek squished, when Komaeda replies there's a little slur to his words.]
Hmm...? Yeah, I do.
[He gives a tired little laugh, recalling the memory of an Atem that feels nothing like the guy he knows now... Except in a few of the important ways.]
You still have that same sense of righteousness, you know. But... I'm glad you've grown beyond being just the ghost that possessed Yugi-kun. I like you more, like this.
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Mmm...
[He hums, looking for a path to bring this up.]
...I'm wiser, like this, than I was. I have a better idea of when to fight, and when to let matters go...
...
[Time to bite the bullet. If this ruins everything, then...well, then it's Atem's fault, and there was never any helping it. What's done is done, and hoping Nagito won't find out will only make it worse when it finally comes out.
He sits up. This isn't the kind of confession you make while taking it easy on your back -- it's too serious for that. He should be upright, with his shoulders straight, to face it head on.]
...the truth is, I ran into Nanami, while I was like that. And, because I didn't know better than to fight with a monster over a human...I tried to stop her from killing, in the way I knew how.
A shadow game.
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Meanwhile, the Atem that he remembers meeting was much like the one he first met—always the first one sprinting into action.
But this conversation, the tone of it doesn't feel very reminiscing. As Komaeda listens, a pit forms in his stomach, with its weight nauseating. He knows what to expect from a shadow game, and in mere moments, his eyes have blown wide with the litany of scenarios he can imagine.
Nanami didn't say anything about this. Did she not want to worry him? Was she hiding it from him? Maybe she didn't trust him enough to tell him about fighting with Atem... Or maybe she felt like she couldn't, because of their relationship.]
What did you do...?
[The question feels more like an accusation than a needling for information. Its intention is clear—did you hurt her?]
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