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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.

Main handle: < Player1 > Anon: < turtleluck >, < actuallydied >, < burner >

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What does a collar have to do with anything....?

[He says, like he's wondering it out loud. He's not going to stop Ryou, he's just going to sit here as his brain buzzes, entirely unaware of what assumptions might or might not be made about him because he wears collars.

?? ??? ??

Still, it's....it's extremely sweet that, if he were into giving or receiving pain, Ryou's apparently willing to try it for him. Luckily, Ryou doesn't have to worry about that, but....wow, what a sweetheart.]

I think a collar would look fine on you.

[This isn't even horny. This is just an Atem Fashion Opinion.]

Th-That's very nice of you to say...

[Untrue, but nice. And he focuses on that because being the reader of romance novels that he is, he's not sure if he wants to engage with "what does a collar have to do with anything?"

Because sometimes you read romance novels with some interesting, vaguely control-based themes in them that don't quite pass into the SM part of BDSM, and you realize that your best friend at school might be into stuff, and then you never, ever ask because then you'd have to move to a new school.

Ryou does get up the rest of the way and move towards the VCR, intending to do what he said. He has to walk slow though, because getting up made him lightheaded. It's not too bad though.]

Maybe someday I can try one out.

~~[Foreshadowing that he won't remember later.]~~

[Atem will remember this.

When, you know, it's time.

For now, though, he rests one elbow on the arm of the couch, and rests his chin on his hand, and watches Ryou make his way over to the VCR. He's going to forget about what anyone else might assume about him from wearing a collar, because whatever they think is obviously their problem, they don't know him. If they did, they'd be able to tell he wasn't a creep, or whatever collars signal.

Besides, it makes wearing the Millennium Puzzle all the time more comfortable. He spaces out a little, watching Ryou go and deciding not to give a fuck.]

Did you want to watch another one?

Edited 2021-11-12 21:31 (UTC)

[Ryou takes his time ejecting the tape, sliding it back into its case, and getting up. He's really in no rush to do anything, honestly. Some of it's embarrassment, some of it has to do with the warm, slightly dizzying feeling from the wine. He's pretty sure he could drink more without repercussions...but for now, this is a good stopping point.

As for another movie...he stands, glancing back at Atem as he thinks it over.]

Mmm...maybe in a minute. Especially if we're making another drinking game for it.

[Responsible adult? Responsible adult.]

That wine...it's pretty good though. You make good choices.

[He slides the tape back onto the shelf it came from, then moves back to the couch, taking his seat close to Atem once more. With no movie to worry about for the moment, he takes the time to get close and wrap both arms around the smaller monster.

Which is a bit of a comedy, because he has to slide one underneath Atem's back, carefully so as not to be a total menace. But Ryou doesn't care, he just wants to cuddle. Be close.]

How are you doing?

[...Something about the way he asks that is exceedingly adorable. It's caught between teasing and curiosity, with a definite lean towards the former.]

[--oof, that's really cute. Help. Super effective. Atem ends up turning to face him, leaning against the arm of the couch, getting his own arm around Ryou's shoulders.]

I've never been better.

[It's only obvious to someone who knows him well: the absence of usual sharp focus, the slight slowing-down of his response time, the less-than-perfect precision of his movements, the fuzziness of his words and tone -- he's not any more sober than Ryou. A break between games is absolutely necessary; another one like that, and Atem will be completely out of control of his faculties. No one wants to see that happen.]

[It took a little while for Ryou to calm down after Yugi convinced him to get off the network and stop being embarrassing. It wasn't...necessarily that Yugi had put it that way, but once he'd sobered up some, Ryou came to the realization that a great deal of his conversations were perhaps a little too revealing about how his current state of mind was, at least regarding the gods.

...And maybe his relationships with people who he'd responded to. Most importantly though, was the undercurrent of stress that had been vaguely revealed by a few drinks. He's pretty sure that he won't be bringing his laptop to Yugi's apartment anymore while he's trying to destress, because at the end of the day...he's next to his own apartment and he could get online easily enough.

At any rate...he'd played games with Yugi until he felt ready to go home, which was pretty much around dawn. As a result, when he finally shows back up to the apartment, he's in his day form.

He's not sure why...but he enters quietly, as if he expects Atem to be sleeping. Which he shouldn't, because nephilim.

His nose twitches as he samples the air--he's gotten pretty good at locating by scent, and it helps that Atem smells very nice. So wherever he is, if he's not immediately visible...Ryou will find him. And then probably ask for a hug. There's no doubt that he needs one--the way his tail curls around his leg, the lowered ears and the awkward way he rubs at his arms...it's pretty obvious that he isn't at his best.]

[Atem's been true to his word, through to the end of the fog. It's driving him a little bit stir crazy, like he'd been when the days were getting longer and he hadn't traded his form for a monster type that could go out in the sun, but he's managing, mostly thanks to having a baby lion around. This is the second fog in a row where Atem figures Tybolt is safest where he and Ryou can keep an eye on him; if Poundmates catches fire thanks to a poorly timed rendition of a number from Oliver and Company, the firefighters might not know to check the store-rooms.

There's the network, of course, too, to check every once in a while, to see what the other monsters are saying. For a while, it helped pass the time, since he knew Ryou wanted time out of the house, to spend with other friends. Atem gets it; it reminds him a little bit of late June, too, when Atem had left to spend the day with Noa, when he needed space and someone different to be around. Only worse, because this time, he has mistakes, terrible ones, to ruminate over, thoughts returning to them again and again like vultures picking at a carcass.

Unfortunately, once Ryou's post went up, checking the network did the opposite of helping the time go by quicker. Realizing something was wrong, in a way Atem was cut off from, slowed time down to a crawl.

It ate at him. He paced, if you could call no-one-looking nephilim-blinking-in-and-out-around-the-room pacing. He chewed over what-ifs and worst-cases and suspicions, lining questions and arguments up like battle plans. But, in the end, what was needed here is the trust Ryou's asking for: recognition that it wasn't Atem's job to fix this. It wasn't up to Atem to decide what was needed. Inserting himself into the situation would be a mistake, especially considering Atem's recent conversational track record.

So, he's been augmenting Tybolt's toys and hides with the few tools he's got around the apartment. Some of them are able to be closed from the inside, now, at a little lion's discretion, so that it's impossible to tell where he is. There's a little bell near the door, too. The old naga-rattle's out on the floor when Ryou comes back, and so's one of the mini-pumpkins from the Fiddleford farm. There's been a lot of play and a lot of training, and that's why, when Ryou comes in, Tybolt is asleep on Atem's lap, completely zonked out, his little tongue tip peeking out of his mouth. Atem himself is dozing on the living room couch, leaning against the side with a hand on the big cat's head, because having Tybolt around doesn't just give him a million things to do with himself -- it also calms him down, having a warm weight on him like this. Ryou's sharp ears will pick up an unfamiliar language, probably even before he opens the door--]

--the best of lions, who will live a hundred years surrounded by all good things--hey!

[All his eyes snap wide open again as the door opens, and he sits up straight. Tybolt opens his eyes, stumbles off Atem's lap onto the couch, and shakes himself off sleepily.]

Ryou!

[Atem's...not actually certain what he's expecting to hear. He knows Ryou's not all right, but he doesn't actually understand what happened, or why. It had something to do with a god prayer, but it was something he didn't want Atem's help with, he wanted to get drunk about it instead...and that sounds very complicated, not the kind of conversation he can go into with any assumptions. At all. So, he's going to let Ryou take the conversational lead, here.]

[Ryou's ears immediately flick upward, and he takes a surprised step backward, because when he's worn out, vaguely sporting a headache--though not a terrible one, Yugi had taken pretty good care of him--hearing his name suddenly makes him feel like he's in trouble for something.

He should be in trouble for something, he feels. Atem's not his parent, he's his boyfriend...but Ryou's actions may well be a direct reflection on him, and that's...that's not good, is it? It's embarrassing. Is Atem embarrassed about him? Is he okay with Ryou right now?

His tail starts to sway back and forth, but it's held low. It's not a happy wag, but a placating, submissive move that's only outlined by the way his ears lower, he averts his gaze, and his posture hunches forward. It's all werewolf instinct and it makes him look ten times as contrite as he probably would otherwise.]

Atem...um. H-hi.

Sorry.

[Ryou isn't sure what the sorry is for. The network? Being gone so long? Being weak after he swore he'd be strong? Everything?!

Whatever it is, he pads forward slowly, still maintaining his posture. But he's going to the couch. He's getting there...]

["Sorry"?

Atem's not entirely certain what Ryou's apologizing for, which makes him wonder if there's something else he doesn't know about, something Ryou's about to drop on him. Did he get caught in the end of the event's effects after all? Did this place's power make Ryou break his promise? Or is there something else Atem hasn't seen, that he won't be expecting at all?

What happened? Is it even okay to ask?

His halo flickers, but not in an angry way; the way his tail moves near the floor, by his feet, says worried. Atem's felt lately like he's lost his footing; he's been so sure of who he is, what he should be doing, and that he's fully capable of pulling it off for as long as he can remember that doubt like this is really fucking with him. It feels like he imagined it might have felt, early on in his existence as the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, if he stopped to wonder about the forces he was messing with, if he let himself be afraid, and was pulled down into that darkness. His whole frame of reference is off.

So, Atem doesn't get up. He's sitting up, paying attention, but doesn't make a move to get closer. He asks the best question he can think of, for the situation:]

Do you want to talk about it?

[Slowly, Ryou works his way to the couch. Slowly, slowly...and then he sits, close to Atem. But he doesn't immediately hug him.]

I...

Yes, but...I just want you to hold me for a minute. If that's okay.

[He wants it to be okay. He knows maybe it's not, which is more on him than Atem. Furthermore, being a werewolf helps him know his own animal behaviors, but the way Atem's tail moves is way different from his, so he can't read it, really. He's concerned about the way it twitches.

In a way, Atem's worry is worrying Ryou. The cycle is complete.

~~They're both messes~~]

[What is it.

He wants to know. Atem's reasoning-brain, normally a racing engine in a place like Ryslig that he thinks is all game-elements all the time, has had the power cut, its momentum killed by emergency brakes. But there are still sparks of himself, still gleams of the monstrous nephilim-light, that flicker inside him, deep in the belly of the hollow, stilled edifice. The part of him that's Atem wants to take control of this situation, self-doubt or not -- the part that's still fighting the sinking lack-of-control that's been Atem's state of mind the last few days, the part that wants all the pieces so he can consider all the angles.

And the part of him that's the nephilim wants to know what did you do? to make you look that ashamed, it must be something serious...do you d̸̯͛e̴̩̓s̴͖͝ė̶͔r̸̮̍v̸̛̥e̵͙̽ to be held?

That part of him isn't being listened to and has no right to speak.]

Of course that's okay!

[And he'll reach out with both hands, pushing his own questions down into the numbness that's the rest of his mind, and pulling Ryou in.

(Tybolt, who has no idea what a mood is and hasn't been taught to read a room on command yet, rubs his head on the couch cushion and follows the motion through so he rolls over onto his back, paws dangling loosely in the air as he considers something only he knows.)]

[Ryou melts into it immediately. Hearing Atem tell him it's okay to want to be hugged after he made an absolute fucking fool of himself on the network--where Elias can see, for the record, because someone had to clarify that. THANKS!!!--is like sinking into a warm, perfumed bath.

Actually...the perfumed part is likely Atem's residual scent, which Ryou allows himself to enjoy as he also wraps his arms around Atem.

He buries his face in Atem's hair, amidst all of the mess of his nephilim parts, and mumbles every unfiltered thought like he's repenting, as if it's the worst thing in the world.]

Stupid...I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have gone on the network and told everyone what I did, I made myself look like an idiot and now everyone we know who saw that knows you're dating an idiot...

[Yeah. Yeah that's about it.

Now the question stands: does he deserve to be held?]

[...oh, thank goodness. Ryou might feel it, when relief starts to melt the tension in Atem's muscles, when the hug turns easier. Relief's audible in Atem's voice, too, as he pulls back just enough to look at Ryou, to hold him by the back of his head. He sounds a little more like himself, actually, than he has since before the fog.]

Is that it? I was sure it'd be much worse than that, from the way you were acting! Really, Ryou, you had me worried!

[Whew. Not a secret. Not a bomb he didn't see coming. No broken promises, no new deaths, no new scars. Just something Atem already knew about, and which didn't hurt anyone. Except, of course, for the pain Ryou thought he should be feeling for it, but they'll deal with that in a moment, once Atem's done pressing his forehead to Ryou's.]

[Ryou feels even more like an idiot when Atem says that, but...that's his fault. He's overblown it, hasn't he? He's...punishing himself for something that he shouldn't, but it still feels like he should. So when Atem pulls back and says that, his tail starts wagging in that awkward, placating manner as if he's just been told off.]

I'm sorry, I didn't...I don't do the sort of thing I did at Yugi's...never. Never ever! I didn't want you to think I was some kind of...

[Idiot.]

...It doesn't matter. It's...just me. H-haha, I'm being dramatic, aren't I?

[He smiles, a small, wry old thing, before he leans in close, kisses Atem very briefly.]

I'm okay.

[He's not. He can still see everyone's responses in his head, he can still hear Elias in his head, he can feel him, touching Ryou but not actually being there, the feeling of fingers settling on his shoulders, the sound of comforting words in his head that were not comforting at all, they were wrong, wrong, W R O N G--

Ryou doesn't realize, but his clawed fingertips are digging into Atem's back harder than he means to.

[The flicker that had caught fire a moment, the energy and animation that came with real relief that there wasn't something worse going on, sinks back into that still, cold ocean as Ryou reacts to it.

Thoughtless. Clumsy.

His heart settles back into a shark's stillness -- unnatural, stifling -- as one of his hands finds Ryou's hair, starts to pet it. His halo is dull, like light reflecting off of unpolished metal.]

I don't think that.

[He thinks it's worrying that the kind of emotional support Ryou sought out was this, but at least it isn't the kind of emotional support that makes Ryou disappear into dreams, where Atem really can't reach him. He doesn't think posting on the network, angry about the gods and drunk, makes you an idiot. It's not even close to the worst mistake Atem's made this month.]

But that's just how I feel about it. What happened hurt you badly, didn't it? [In a way Ryou thought Atem couldn't help with, or there was something else that made Ryou shut him out. Too many broken promises, maybe. His patience for imperfection running out.] Painful circumstances led you to deal with it like that, in a way that was unusual for you.

[Pet, pet, pet. Gently:]

Will you tell me about what happened?

[The petting helps. Ryou doesn't pull completely away, because he doesn't want to, but he does start to relax, and his fingers loosen so that his claws aren't pricking against the skin just under Atem's wing joints anymore.

Atem's words swirl in the back of his tired mind, like platitudes. He's not sure if they are, or aren't. He doesn't think Atem's petty like that, of course. But his mind is buzzing with the realization that he'd screwed up, badly.

Not here, not with Atem. Maybe a little, but that's...not what was weighing on him.]

I...thought if I went to Yugi's place for a little while, it would be nice. We could play a few games, talk about things...and you could rest.

[He stops there, but his mind completes the rest.

"I wanted to protect your heart from the weakness of mine."

Atem had a lot to worry about already. About his temporary form, the mental changes that had wrought havoc on him and given him nothing but broken relationships and more than a handful of stress.]

I never meant for things to get out of hand but...after a few drinks, I just got so irritated, thinking about the gods, and the excuses people make for them, because they're just manipulators.

[Ryou stares into Atem's eyes as he says this, and although there's determined anger in the forefront, what's more obvious is the fear lurking just past that, accented in the way Ryou's ears slick back and how he's breathing just a hair more rapidly than normal.]

I spoke with the Fourth.

[Ryou's explanation of how he got to the point of making ill advised, messy network posts is numbly accepted. That's better than what it had looked like, which was Ryou going over to Yugi's to get away from Atem and drink his misery away instead of talking about it to any one of the many people who would listen.

Atem would have accepted the latter scenario. He's so far from telling anybody what to do right now; Atem has let go of all avenues of controlling what other people do.

There's no judgment whatsoever on his face. His expression is open, uncalculated -- just listening, that's all.]

And what did he say?

[No offered explanation for why people follow the gods, no conclusions shown off about why they're here and what they're for or why they're dangerous. Just a question: what happened next, and how had it hurt?]

Edited 2021-11-27 16:43 (UTC)

He said...a lot.

[Ryou pulls himself up onto the couch completely, his tail curling up over his legs and spilling onto Atem's just a bit. Then he sets his head on Atem's shoulder, much more easy than usual since he's at his old height, and he looks outward because talking about this is hard.

He's putting it on Atem. He's bad for doing that.]

Elias scares me...but when I was out with Mukuro on my first hunt....she told me that he punished the people who blew up that building by making them feel the pain and fear of their victims. It...s-seems like fair retribution for a destructive move, right?

[If anyone would know, it probably would be Atem, under normal circumstances. The point though, is that it was a calculated move against the Fourth, and to some degree, Ryou understands what Elias acted out against the perpetrators for.

But...]

He didn't just punish the ones who facilitated the explosion though. He...he punished the monsters who were trying to clear the area too. One of them...he hasn't even changed yet, and now he's got the hunger. It's not far. It isn't, so I asked him why he thought he could do it.

[Ryou pauses, letting that sink in but also because the next part is stressful to talk about. Knowing how to read the signs doesn't make him feel any better, and like the Ring-Spirit had put it...Ryou knew better. Unlike what the Ring-Spirit had meant, however, Ryou is beating himself up over the fact that he should know better.]

...You've spoken to the Fourth before. Right? You know what it's like.

[Atem tenses, then dully accepts the hunt with Mukuro; it's not the most important thing he's being told. He's in a horror game. This is how it is. That's put away, up on a shelf with everything else that can't be changed and has to be endured. He has to accept all of it. No judgment, no anger over what's been done. Just forgiveness, he supposes, even when no one seems like they regret their actions. Everyone's a killer, anyway.

Maybe all the humans are just NPCs, and none of it really matters. That's almost a nice thought.

He's being asked for his opinions, though, so...Atem takes a deep breath, and gives them.]

Punishing everyone equally isn't the act of someone who's interested in justice. It's the move of a god at war. He's intending to discourage anyone who might take part in a plan against him, or assist his enemies, and let them know that there will be consequences for any moves made against his resources or property.

[He explains it mildly, without any energy, without interest in what it might mean, or how it might be used to move forward.]

I've spoken with him. I wasn't impressed. But I do know what conversations with him are like.

Is the reason he gave for giving all of the conspirators the same penalty what bothered you?

Edited 2021-11-28 03:35 (UTC)

N...no.

[Ryou curls up tighter, his eyes half-closing. He feels selfish for thinking it, but this feels like such an empty exchange. He knows Atem's been struggling, and that's why he'd tried to keep it out of Atem's mind by hanging around Yugi. Well...that and he has spent a deplorably short amount of time with Yugi, other than whapping him in the face with his tail before the second fog.

It...feels as if he had made the wrong decision here, with regard to Atem's feelings. He's saying he's not upset...but he is...isn't he? Ryou has failed, as he always does, in doing the correct thing.

But he can't bring himself to move away anyway. No more than he can stop talking, because then it really will look as if he's withholding information, rather than feeling upset.]

He told me I was tainted by the fog.

[He doesn't elaborate past that. He's still weighing out whether he wants to elaborate past that.]

[Oof. What does it say that Atem's first response is we all have?

No. Ryou deserves better than that.]

In what way?

Being here has changed all of us. We've all done things, to survive or because of our changed natures, that we wouldn't have otherwise.

[Him included. This month has taken away his ability to count himself out of that.

(Was it Ryou's wolf nature that drove him to hunt with someone who wouldn't pick a target carefully?)]

But that's how Elias collects followers. He reminds us that what we're doing is monstrous, and sets himself up in opposition to the being that put us in this position, without having any real power over her, or to make it stop.

[He knows Ryou isn't getting what he was hoping to get out of this. But Atem's taking penalties to a lot of stats. He can't communicate like he's used to. Something that used to be effortless for him is gone, something that's been shown again and again in conversation after conversation. Ryou is going to have to live with the Atem he's got, or leave. Or pull a knife, because Atem's not even a stepladder for other people's hope, now. It's just despair.]

What did he accuse you of?

It's not about what else there is. That's all that it was, he told me I was tainted by the fog, and that I was...being reductive for trusting in people I know who follow the Fog.

Atem, trusting in friends is the only thing I have left. If I couldn't trust you, or Yugi, Celeste or Horatio...even Mukuro...then I wouldn't be in any better of a spot than I was before you asked me to move in with you.

I've changed...and very little of it is for the better, I've had to destroy entire lives just to make sure I survive, and to make sure that I can't do worse ever again, just because I can't control myself.

Elias saying I've been misled...b-being told I'm not in control of who I am anymore, and having someone say it in my head...I can't. I can't do that again.

[He can't. He can't let someone else in his head and let them whisper sweet words to make him comply.

For perhaps the first time while he's alone, with someone who is meant to comfort...Ryou growls, low and deep and resonant in his chest, because he's frustrated.]

I don't want to hear a child in a box tell me that he thinks I'm a good person who doesn't know what he's doing!

[Despair pricks at Atem's heart again, under the surface. He doesn't know how to solve this, when he's gotten into fights with nearly half that list.

Now's not the time to bring that up.

Not being in control of who you are anymore...

...now may not be the time to discuss how Atem's felt about that lately, either.

But, he thinks he sees...he thinks now is the time to talk about why people follow gods. He thinks, though he can't be sure, can't be sure of anything anymore, he gets why Ryou's this upset.]

Don't listen to him.

[A little bit of life comes back into Atem's eyes -- the embers of conviction, a shadow of what used to be there, but still giving off light and heat.]

He thought you would be happier living with the idea that you aren't in control of what you do. But that's not true for you. You've been out of your own control before, and you've had the courage to face the horror of deciding who to eat in the name of not hurting more people than you have to, and because making decisions for yourself matters to you. He's a fool to think you're the kind of coward who would let others come to harm so you could hide in ignorance.

[Is this going to help? Atem has no idea. But if Ryou's going to become a self-sufficient monster, if he's going to follow his own path, then Atem can't hold him as delicately anymore. He'll say what he has to say.]

He only said that because he thought it would work. The gods...they're a very effective means of dividing us, aren't they? The fact that there are two, that they reward their followers for hurting members of the other faction, and that those rewards are powers that let them hurt other monsters more efficiently...it keeps us vengeful and angry, and prevents us from banding together to find a way to stop them, to stop this.

[This is the most he's talked at once in....well, in weeks.]

And people always seem to follow them for very personal reasons. The gods offer monsters more than just power! People who follow Elias want a friend, or to feel good about fighting back, even when his methods are questionable. People who follow the Fog want someone motherly, to tell them that doing what makes them happy is good, even if it breaks the rules. Some people want those voices in their lives, especially in a place like this. Wanting reassurance that you're doing good, or that you're good the way you are, doesn't make them bad people, or bad friends. And it doesn't make you bad for being friends with them!

[He's almost able to forget, in that, how bad he feels, all of his own doubt and self-doubt. It's the kind of thing he was able to focus on as a vampire, but had difficulty with as a nephilim: focusing on someone else's perspective, instead of being chained to the inflexible, sinking anchor of his own. The voice that says what makes us bad is different is muffled, quiet, and distant.]

The best way to go against the gods...is to keep being friends with others, regardless of who they follow. Don't let the factions divide us.

[Like he's almost certain they're meant to.]

[Ryou listens...and he's comforted by Atem's words. After the night he'd had which had effectively yo-yo'd from terrible, to halfway decent, then back to awful and finally, finally equalizing to the point where he felt he could leave Yugi's house and not have to worry about everything that had happened half as much...somehow, being told that Elias was wrong after all comforts him.

Atem knows who Ryou Bakura is. He knows that Ryou doesn't want to be out of his own control, and that for how hard it is for him to maintain himself in a position of said control...that Ryou wants to be seen as someone dependable and strong.

He's not yet, but he's trying, he's trying so hard to be someone better than he'd ever been before this point. Failure meets him at every crossroads...but he can't give up.]

The choices of people I care about...they are their own. I don't agree with things that everyone does...but I still care deeply about them, and I'll support them.

...The gods are monsters though. Both of them...they crawl into our heads, make everything hurt until all we can do is comply and...and I just don't want that to be who I am.

I don't want the gods to dictate me. You're right...they exist to divide us, to split the soldiers on the board and make us all fight.

[Ryou finally straightens up and looks Atem in the eye again.]

It may sound contrived...but right now, you're the friend that I need and want by my side the most.

...I'm sorry I didn't tell you any of this before, but I thought I was protecting you by not doing so. That was my mistake. I'm sorry, Atem. Sometimes my choices are not the best. But the human still inside of us isn't meant to be a perfect creature, no more than what we turn into. Right?

[Maybe that's of no comfort to Atem, since he's very much unsettled by who he is right now. Ryou should have dealt with this more tactfully.

For the moment, he just leans in and softly kisses Atem's cheek, lingering for a few moments longer than usual.]

[He's quiet a moment, turning his cheek up to accept the kiss -- it's not a cheerful quiet, but it's not a cold one, either.]

...I thought your reason for leaving without telling me was that, after all the mistakes I'd made and promises I'd broken, I wasn't someone you wanted to go to about it.

[He'll open up about this, at least. This isn't an attempt at guilting: it's clear in Atem's tone that this is a decision he would have understood and accepted, and that the reason he hadn't interfered sooner was because he was respecting what he understood to be a boundary that had been set, and that he's admitting to a source of pain, but not in a blaming or angry way.]

I'm glad the reason wasn't that you felt you couldn't trust me.

[He feels like he can't trust him. Ryou feeling like he couldn't trust him is an entirely reasonable position to take. Especially considering the intrusive thoughts, the difficulty Atem's still having with forgiving, with ignoring, with justifying and compartmentalizing and accepting, things he absolutely has to be able to do to survive in Ryslig.

The alternative would be to fly off alone, to hunt for himself, to have no friends and hold himself apart. It's tempting, to his nephilim's logic; he'd escape pain that way, he'd be able to slough off the moral dilemmas and only worry about himself and his own impact on the world. He wouldn't have to tacitly accept the deeds of his friends, supporting people who killed innocents, and didn't seem to care. It'd be simpler...

...but, does Atem have the right? No. No, he's blackened like everyone else. He might as well stay, and see if the other murderers have it in their hearts to understand.]

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Action (FINALLY), few hours after Ryou's network post, cw; alcohol mention

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itt: ryou bakura sentences himself for crimes he committed that are not crimes

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