knifemonopoly | IC inbox

Don't worry, I'll be sure to be back in town in plenty of time to be there! Though, I don't expect to have a plus-one...you'll have to extend Ryou his own invitation.

Ah, still taking some time away, I see. Not to worry, I can get his information easily enough. Are he and Beat on friendly terms?

If you'd like to leave a message for Beat with me, I plan on compiling them into a book. Something physical for him to hold. Sometimes it makes all the difference.

[ Avenged? No, it's nothing so ignoble -

But then he's apologizing, he seems sincerely contrite that he reminded her of something that would cause her pain! He considers it clumsiness. She's never had anyone do that for her before.

Saint-Germain finds herself covering what on another person would have been a laugh. She's going to take up his offer but, to find such consideration, and in a Pharaoh, no less - ! Humanity is full of surprises! ]

You're an unusual person.

[One eyebrow goes up, and there's a tug at the corner of his mouth.]

That's what makes you say so...?

[There are way more unusual things about him than showing consideration for people's feelings, man, come on....]

[ Yeah, there's a little lip action going on here. She's wiped the blood off and everything. ]

I think I'm going to enjoy having you as a neighbor, Ra's-Manifestations-Are-What-Is-Right-And-True Atem.

[...well. If she says so!]

I'm glad you feel that way! It's good, to be friendly with your neighbors...

[Surely she doesn't plan to use his full throne name every time. This is probably a more formal introduction kind of thing.]

...and, for me, it's good to speak to someone who doesn't want to ignore how odd this place is. Some people have their hands full already dealing with everyday troubles, and others don't care, but...

[but, come on, it's so validating to talk to people like her and joshua who are like "yeah! it's freaking weird, here!"]

In trouble with them, or in trouble with you...?

I only care about one of those things!

[Ryou is allowed. Ryou deserves that wine. It was chosen because he trusted the taste would be something Ryou liked.

.........it's strong, though, look out--]

...so, if my behavior is turning it from a nice date into an unpleasant one, I'll behave myself.

[His ears swivel back. This is an apology!]

[If he can, he's going to get hold of one of Ryou's hands.

He doesn't have a monster type that can borrow pain. Only the Nephilim stigmata ability, and he won't change into that monster, absolutely not, not even for this. Maybe one day, he should get shade under his belt, so that he'll be able to help, if not heal...

...but, for now, all he can do is grip Ryou's hand.]

It's not your fault! It's going to be okay -- keep breathing! It's working!

[Ryou is surprisingly placated by that, even though he's not truly irate with Atem. Enough that his tail wags once, before he gently slides the wine glass back. Peace offering! He didn't drink all of it...though he wanted to.]

It's not really you. It's her. I think she might be of the mind that you're taking advantage of me, somehow.

...Maybe we should both behave.

[Because Ryou would never fully seat the blame on Atem, or even the waitress. He has some fault in this, for not explaining himself better.]

At least for now. Maybe when we get home...it'll be better.

[He looks hopeful, and the wine is making him feel warm. So why not? A little bit of optimism before their meal.]

[ She nods. ] True knowledge can only come about with perfect comprehension of universal mechanisms. I'm grateful you're willing to share yours.

[ Speaking of.... ]

Based on what we've covered, is there anything I need to know that I lack the experience to know I need to ask yet?

Heh!

That's a clever question!

How familiar are you with horror movies, Miss Alchemist?

[ This surprises her. Horror.....movies? Films?

Pastimes? ]

........Not......particularly.

[He shakes his head! Tch!]

You'll have to fix that. A lot of the things that happen here make a lot more sense if you know how horror movies usually go...pay close attention to monsters and victims, and what both "categories" are allowed to do. "Monsters" have a natural advantage and can bend the rules in some cases, and "victims" -- even if there's something they're usually good at, circumstances will arrange themselves so that it doesn't do them any good! All of us here have been in one role or the other. Try to be the monster, whenever you can.

And then...

...

...ah. You're not familiar with games, either. That explanation might not do any good, then...

[ "Try to be the monster". Spoken like someone who believes there's an advantage to operating within the oppressor's structure. She can't deny the likely short-term benefits, but it chafes at her soul....

The point, however, is not how he chooses to navigate Ryslig, but how Ryslig operates. Saint-Germain is definitely out of her depth with this talk of "movies" and "games", but ignorance can be remedied. She will fill these gaps in her knowledge, for revolution! ]

I'll do my best to understand.

[Ryou's skin aches under the light of the sun, even moreso as it rises and seems to heat the water even more. He knows it's magic, and that it's just another trial Mana's putting him through for what he paid for, but it doesn't make it hurt less.

It takes him a moment to realize that Atem's fingers have curled around his, and despite the pain addling his thoughts, it occurs to him that Atem's hand feels...bigger. Or is his hand just smaller? That's the barest warning he receives that something big is about to happen, before a very different pain strikes him, causing him to throw his head back and kick against the wall of the basin just to somehow offset it.

If it's visible enough through the steam, Atem will have a pretty good view of a pair of brownish-gray horns with golden markings bursting forth from the top of Ryou's head, dripping in blood which has become a deep red as he's transitioned from shade to something else. The horns are then followed by a pair of diminutive winglike growths sprouting from just above his temples. The feathers are soft and delicate, gray on the right side, white on the left, but stained in blood just as the horns were. Then, as if that weren't enough, more blood weeps from his throat and down the bridge of his nose, splitting into twin rivulets. Something's clearly going on where the eye does not see, there.]

It hurts...!!

[And yet he does try to breathe evenly (it doesn't work) because he wants to be strong, to prove that he can be, even as the markers for his new monster type rip him open, make him into something that never needed to hide from the light in the first place.

The water is nearly gone now...but Ryou has a sinking feeling that, whatever's going on, isn't finished yet. There's an ache below his shoulders, a burn that's nothing like the heat of the boiling water as it evaporates or the light of the sun that's actually hurting less and less.]

[She doesn't argue with him, but she doesn't entirely agree to those terms. She's certainly not going to hurt him just to keep him from wandering. There's no sense in that, unless he turned on her.

Unless...he's done that to someone else, and knows it. Hm.

She listens to his appraisal of the situation, a familiar refrain. He knows this world so, so well. Better than anyone she's ever met, frankly, and everything he says, she takes note of, even if some of the news isn't so heartening. Of course, everything will return to the familiar, even if the familiar is still wrong, and brutal.

But his tone stays that way. Flat, barren. Professional, some would say.

In the time she listens, she drinks in his appearance too, and it's impossible to miss that wreath of Fog around his neck. Javert had similar, when she met him briefly in his office to speak of the Fog herself, and what following her meant to the jaded old vampire. What was the Fog, and what did she encapsulate in her being, and how did this meaning mete itself out to her Followers?

Atem wanted to be safe, and cloaked himself in Fog, it seems.

Her gaze tracks the wisps of it about his neck when she finally responds. It's ethereal, regal. It would suit him, if the context weren't predicated on an awful creature's single-minded crusade against humanity.]

You've engaged with this world on a level I never will, Atem. You're wearing proof of it right now.

[A beat.]

Did you find the safety you were looking for?

[Did he find it in her, the god who brought them here in the first place?

It seems rhetorical to ask, when he talks about how his autonomy is at the mercy of the strange effects many other monsters are enduring right now. But she asks all the same.]

[Ah, she has eyes on the cloak! The prize he'd been chasing, at any cost...

So far, yes.

At least...it's better.

[He's quiet a moment, gathering his thoughts. Then, he speaks again.]

I was hurt this week, in a way that was pretty personal! It was upsetting, but...with the power I gained, I was able to trap him, remove the injuries he gave me, and hold him until his friends could come get him.

[This is vague on purpose. Atem doesn't want to talk about how Vicious had possessed him, hurt him, borrowed his body and damaged it for masochistic pleasure, out of an out of control shade's desire to feel something, anything. He doesn't want to talk about the violation it had been, to have a hostile presence back in his mind, how it had brought him back to the time with the parasite, how after that he'd been unable to stand anyone, anyone in his head, not for months...

...Trish is high strung, and easily upset. It's better for them both that he doesn't talk about things like that. His power meant he could make it like it never happened -- give it back, heal himself. So, it doesn't really matter what was done, right?

What matters is the next part.]

What I paid for...

...it works.

I think they are. He's never had a problem with Beat coming to visit. Either way, it can't hurt to ask... As for the message, I'll give it some thought! I'll get something good to you before the first, don't worry.

...

It might be easier to start with a Monster World manual. That'll introduce you to some of the concepts at work in Ryslig -- character classes, a reservoir of magic energy that recharges with feeding, bonuses and penalties...

...but, you'll have to ask Ryou Bakura if he's okay with you borrowing them. They don't belong to me!

[When she thinks about Javert further, he is far from happy, even with an allegiance like this that confers such power. With Atem, who felt unsafe and unhappy regardless...she wonders how much of a balm it is, having that fog embracing his neck, forever there until the Fog herself takes it away.

Trish listens, her gaze drifting to the stoic, canine face that reminds her a little of Mukuro, although Atem has always had better posture.

It would be equally galling and heartening to know Atem remembers the little things and big things both that affect her, morbid details of injury and indescribable pain left carefully aside. But she knows she's only getting a fraction of context, and she pulls the weight for this scenario from the fact Atem hasn't felt safe, and wanted power to protect himself. And then this world proved he needed it, but it's also the one who made this world the way it was who gave him this power, right?

The idea makes her sick. She could spit on the Fog, for all the good it would do.

Still, she's thinking about Atem's estimation. He paid a price for this safety, and he knew that going in. It's not perfect, but it works.]

...I see. So it was worth it.

[No, not at all.]

So if someone or something made you feel unsafe again...would you push for more?

[He already betrayed some of the earliest principles she'd heard from him...at this point, what else has he got to lose?]

[ Ah, he knows Ryou Bakura. They both seem quite well-informed, so Saint-Germain can't be too surprised. Ra's-Manifestations-Are-What-Is-Right-And-True Atem had said they have many acquaintances in common. ]

I'll inquire, then. This resource sounds invaluable.

[ A whole MANUAL! About a WORLD OF MONSTERS! What a relevant piece of reference material!!! It shall nicely complement her study of Spengler's. ]

....heh. There is no more.

[He can tell he's being interrogated by someone unhappy with him. He'd gotten a similar feeling from Giorno, just after the broadcast. He's being held up and judged, and either he'll be good enough for her, or he won't.

(because he can't be better, there is no better, he's given his best for so long and sometimes, for some people, that's not enough, you're not enough, and never will be. best to accept that and move forward.)]

I've climbed as high with the Fog as I possibly can! There are no levels above "priest" in the god factions. If my choice of powers turns out to be another ineffective strategy...

[Ha ha, that would be painful, wouldn't it? If he had done all this, and something proved that it was no good, all for nothing like his attempt at spreading rumors about himself and his traps had been...

...would he sink? Break? Understand that there was no way to endure here, for him? His dog-mouth parts, widening in a grin that has no happiness to it at all. His tail is very still, his ears forward in a way that's no longer relaxed, and his fur is slicked down tight against him.]

...that would be bad, wouldn't it?

If I need to adjust my strategy again, then...I'll do my best to learn, from whatever it is that's put me back in danger, despite what I can do, now. But I have no plans to do what it is you're afraid of, and cause more large-scale trouble for the peninsula in the name of a god!

Edited 2022-08-02 11:35 (UTC)

[Ryou waits for about five days before he starts to become concerned that Atem isn't coming back home for...a while. He expected that Atem would be gone just as many days as he had been, and then they could...work on this.

But Atem still isn't coming home. So...he finally gets his courage up to message the other monster. He keeps it as brief as he can.]

Atem?

are you okay? i just want to make sure that you're doing alright. I didn't think you would stay away so long.

i'm really really sorry, i just want you to know that.

and if you want to switch, we can. or if you want to visit tybolt, i can leave. let me know.

we can talk. or we could wait a bit more.

~~i miss y~~

i love you.

[Trish actually lifts her head at that, spine straight. Admittedly, and perhaps foolishly, her understanding of followers is pathetically small. She knows they get unique powers, and she knows there are ranks to climb.

But she didn't realize the cloak denoted a priest. Further, that a priest was the highest rank a fog follower could get. In no time at all, then, Atem had reached out to grab the greatest power this land had to offer. And still, she thinks, it's not enough. The fog is never going to give them what they really deserve.

That doggy grin is statuesque too, like Atem was carved from the stone that lined his idyllic past. But not warm, oh no.

As for what he's said...she wants to be happy, on some level. He's too much of a smart boy not to have missed the ramifications of what he did, but it's also because of that fact it was so blindsiding. She remembers singing with him, and the time he brought her flowers. People are many truths, but he always seemed to want to be...good. Good to other people. What does he want now that he has power?

The mer hums.]

If anything, that's what I'm really afraid of. That it won't be worth it to you. I don't have any faith at all that this world is meant to do anything but push us to make awful decisions.

[Because he was scared, and wanted to be safe. Anyone would want that. And in a world of magic and gods, where else is there to find sanctuary but in those same foundations?

Power isn't why she's unhappy with him.]

...I'm sure you could tell, but I was upset for awhile. In some ways I still am. But it's like Mukuro. I only knew what you showed me, and assumed the rest. I thought you had unwavering principles, but you're just like anyone else. You have limits.

[...]

Would I be wrong to assume you have some regrets as well? Or are you content with yourself?

[A shadow -- metaphorical, not literal -- passes over Atem's canine face, darkening it.

That would be a cruel final trick, for Ryslig to play. If I threw my friendships and place among humanity into the fire, and ultimately, it was for nothing...if there were no way to stabilize at all, and I will lose myself no matter what I choose.

That idea makes him want to burn the peninsula down. End the rigged game, causing his friends, causing him, so much suffering, while it's still a decision he himself can make. Trish is right, to be afraid of it.

But it's not likely, Atem reminds himself. He played the game right. He achieved power through the mechanics he's supposed to interact with, and it worked -- when so many people who missed his traps tuned in for the broadcast.

Time will tell, about the rest.

But, she's back to asking him questions -- an interrogation, one that feels familiar. Are all Giorno's people like this?

Like he had before, Atem turns the question on her.]

"Do you regret it?"

That's a question I asked Mukuro, when I was a nephilim, and the event was making us into the versions of us we thought the other one thought we were.

She thought I was a conceited, judgmental jerk -- and I hadn't done anything to prove her wrong! I used a nephilim power, to bring all of her regrets to the surface, and asked her if she regretted any of the things she had done that I'd found out about, that had made me think that she was a dangerous person who would continue to do bad things here.

[Then, she'd ripped his arm most of the way off. He'd deserved it.]

Determining what someone regrets, and if it matches what you think they should regret, doesn't mean anything, as far as right and wrong goes. It's only one piece of the picture that's someone's heart! Someone can do terrible things without regrets, and still be understandable, worthy of sympathy, and safe for you to be around.

[They're in Ryslig. They all know and care about people like that.]

Besides, wouldn't it be worse to do something bad and then say, "please forgive me, I regret my actions!" That would be dishonest...especially since I'd continue to enjoy the powers I got from my "regrettable mistake," and the people who were hurt wouldn't be healed.

[He hasn't answered her question yet. A lot of words, but no answer. This is on purpose. He tilts his head, regarding her with the red eyes he always has, no matter his form.]

Are you trying to determine if I'm still dangerous?

Or are you trying to decide if I'm a good enough person, according to what you can and can't accept, to continue to associate with?

[Is it safe, for him to be vulnerable with her? He would share his deepest secrets with her in a heartbeat, if he didn't think they would horrify and hurt her, if they were sitting together as friends. But right now, after months apart, Trish isn't safe.

I know what you're doing, his turned-around questions say. You should be aware of what you're doing, too.]

Are you here to understand, or to make a decision?

IC inbox

<Player1>

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atem: just play dbd

i sense a possible monster movie marathon log in my future

cw; blood, body horror, just the ryslig staples

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cw possession horror, possessed self harm in meta

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<WhiteWizard>, during the Divorce Period

"for some people, that's not enough, you're not enough, and never will be." lays on the floor

CAUSE YOU COULD NEVER BE BETTER THAN YOU

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.