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What--?!

No--

[The speed of Atem's cognition, at least, hasn't been affected by his temporary change. He's still quick on the uptake, and he realizes that baby isn't a reference to his height or his Venus flytrap eyelashes, but to Tybolt.]

No, he's not a monster. He's a real lion!

[A real lion. He knew monsters were strong, and some are in fact a little nuts, but he didn't think any of them were confident enough in their own abilities to just be carrying wild animals around. And not even considering that, like...

Adrian makes a face, which for this form looks a lot like he's tasted something bad.]

A real lion. A wild one. On a peninsula. That you're holdin', for some reason.

Well..."wild" is debatable.

This guy...a monster who isn't here anymore got him from Mana two Decembers ago. Because he's from Mana, he hasn't grown past this size. But it's still dangerous for him to be around other cats and dogs...so, instead of living in a back room at the animal shelter, Tybolt lives with me!

[Which is why there's a real lion on a Scandinavian peninsula.]

[Man, Mana will just give people anything, won't they? Also don't look now, Atem, but Adrian's getting closer...his whiskers twitching as he sniffs the air near Tybolt. He doesn't even seem to fully realize what he's doing, the curious cat part of him starting to take over.]

So you keep him as like...a pet?

[Just how "lion" is this guy? Warning bells are going off in Atem's head: does Tybolt read to this liger as person, not animal?

Atem can understand...he feels similarly about trees, now. But he won't be dishonest in order to protect himself: all OOC jokes aside about Atem's mane of hair and custody in the divorce, Tybolt's a pet.]

I guess so. For a long time, I thought I was looking after him until someone better suited to it came along...but, recently, I realized that he was an important part of the home I made.

[Tybolt makes another squeaky roar, and reaches out with a paw. He's been taught to keep his claws in around other monsters, so even if Adrian gets close enough to have his nose bapped, it won't hurt. Tybolt smells like happy lion, like fresh meat and the grass he's walked through. He's put on enough weight to be healthy for his age, and his eyes are bright and engaged. This guy hasn't been left alone to be depressed; work's been put into habitat enrichment.]

Though I do board him at the shelter each month, starting on the 13th. If the fog-trouble isn't bad, I'll get him back, but if I'm not able to take care of him, then he's safer at Poundmates until the fog clears.

[Ryou is quiet for a long few seconds after that. He can't make Atem feel better about this, he's quite certain of that. Not even if he gives all of his own thoughts. But...he's going to anyway.]

I never saw Riley during that time. I didn't realize how bad it was for her...

[He looks up at Atem at last, and there's an apologetic look on his face.]

I don't think you're wrong, Atem. About what might happen. You're probably right that, should I walk this path...it might hurt other monsters, and myself. I appreciate that you'll support me, and that you're willing to admit that you could be wrong. But you probably aren't.

...Even if it's not me, it'll be someone else causing trouble. That's just the nature of this place. I'll have to live with whatever comes out of this, just like anyone else who makes a mistake here. But I can't go on as I am, taking advantage of what coins may manifest for me to pay out to Mana and continue delaying the inevitable a handful at a time.

[The apologetic look...it's fading for something harder. Something more determined.]

I'm going to do this. I'll do it because I can't keep wasting coins on temporary changes to avoid what my monster type is. I'm still going to test out other monster types, because at the end of all this...I'll change mine permanently. It takes a lot of coins to ask that of Mana, but if I can use the jewel, I can buy enough time to earn those coins. Or if the jewel works better than I thought...maybe I can be happy as a shade.

[He pauses, looks Atem in the eye and beyond that determination is unending fondness.]

You like me as a shade...don't you? And my power set revolves around my monster type. S-so...if I can make it work then I'd like to.

But...if it doesn't...I know that Mukuro will do what needs to be done. She'll kill me. She told me that if I ever caused monsters trouble, she would. Because I won't make you kill me again. Not even a mercy kill. That's not fair to you. All I can ever ask of you is if you would help me stand up again. If it goes bad, then...I'm afraid I'll need help, for a little while, until...

[He trails off, because he doesn't know how to even say it. If this fails, he knows he'll be too weak of heart to survive on his own for at least a little while, even after all this. Plus, others might come after him if he hurts them in service of helping himself. He wouldn't blame them.]

...Until it all settles. But if it causes you trouble, I can...go another way. I can.

[Atem's ears are pressed close to his head. His body language, his expression, all of it is stressed; he doesn't like this, not at all, and it doesn't strike him as the best move...

...but, it's Ryou's move. It's how Ryou is choosing to address his problems, how Ryou is choosing to play...it's important that Atem respects that. When he tried to make Ryou play like Atem would, it went badly...so, maybe this will be, if not better, at least not worse.]

I won't stop you. And, if it goes bad, I'll help you. It might cause trouble for me, but that's because I care what happens to you -- that's no reason not to do it. What I needed, this spring, caused trouble for you, so...

Whatever happens, you can count on me.

[The idea of Mukuro killing Ryou because Ryou's become too much of a danger to leave alive makes Atem feel truly miserable. He'd almost rather do it himself, he doesn't mind a mercy kill -- but, it would be more upsetting for Ryou to be killed by Atem than Mukuro, wouldn't it?

...

Wait. He should talk about that, instead of assuming he knows best for Ryou.]

You should know...that I'd be willing to kill you, if you needed a gentle death. If you prefer Mukuro, because the memories of the times Ankhsunatem killed you are already too painful, then I understand...but, you don't have to avoid asking me out of kindness.

[Atem is right to be concerned, especially when Tybolt reaches out a paw and just...manages to bap Adrian right on the snout with it. It doesn't hurt at all, not even a tiny bit, but it does surprise him and cause him to lean back a little. He snorts. His ears lay back against his mane for a moment.

...then he settles, looking less agitated and about as resigned as an animal face can be.]

...well you should be more careful. Ain't everybody gonna know what to think about a lion walkin' the streets.

[He knows he's one to talk, the irony is not lost on him, but at least he can speak. Tybolt, meanwhile, can't.

He thinks.]

[Ryou hates to see Atem look this way. He wants to make it better, to tell Atem that he won't do it, he won't make a choice that Atem doesn't approve of.

He almost does...but then he remembers what that had lead to. Loneliness, upset, strife. He' snot going to make things worse by being untrue to himself. Atem wanted him to be selfish...and so he will be.

It's not to be cruel. It's...to be who he is, isn't it? To let himself make a decision that isn't rooted in the wishes of another.

Ryou can be himself.

Even if "himself" is not perfect. Atem is telling him so, by saying that he'll support Ryou. Right?

But still, it hurts. Ryou pushes himself further up, until he's functionally slithered up into Atem's lap a little. Obviously most of his tail is still on the floor, but he wants to be close, to wrap his arms around Atem's shoulders.]

All I can ever ask for is what you're offering me. I know it might sound silly but...I'm humbled by your support. I know it can't be easy, but it means a lot...it does.

[He pauses, trying not to frown too hard at the next part.]

And...It's not the memories. I know that you'd make it painless, just like she did. Not...for the other me, but for the real me. I trust you to do it...but I love you, and I don't want to die at your hand. Not you. Not again...if I can help it.

I don't want to die at all, it still scares me. The only time it never did was when I sacrificed myself for Yugi and the others...and you. Back when we all first met. I know that's not a memory you and I share, but...then and only then, did I offer my soul, to protect all of yours.

[Ryou draws in a breath that feels like it stings him from the inside out. He doesn't want to get into this too deeply. Clearly he's unsettled by the topic.]

L-listen, um. We should...compromise on it. If Mukuro isn't there, then...y-you can do what you need to. But...if you can respect this choice, I would feel better. It's as much a kindness for me as you.

Of course I can respect it!

[Clawed hands, dry and dead, take hold of Ryou's shoulders.]

Ryou, all you had to say was, "I don't want to!"

If you were asking me not to be the one to kill you for my sake, then I wanted you to understand how I felt...but what matters about your final wishes is what you want, not me. If you don't want it to be me, then that's that: we don't have to compromise! But, if you change your mind -- and you can change your mind -- you can ask me for it. But only if it becomes what you want.

[He's just....not going to dig into the self sacrifice Ryou remembers but he doesn't right now.

It's not like he can talk, given his own past.]

[Ryou looks at Atem incredulously. It's really just that easy, huh?

He'd...really been making it so much more complicated than it had to be, assuming that Atem wouldn't approve, and therefore that things like this weren't feasible. It's not equally cut between his deferential personality and their disagreement before this point, but they both contributed to this.

Either way, he leans in and presses another chaste kiss to the side of Atem's bat snout, before pressing his face into Atem's shoulder. His next words are mumbled, but audible]

I'm sorry for the way I treated you. It was shameful and you didn't deserve it and--you're so kind to me...even after we argue...

[All this because he doesn't have to explain "I don't want to." It's unbelievable how much of a whiny guy he's being--

--or maybe it isn't, given that he's been without his most cherished person for two weeks. Either way...]

[And he's going to wrap his arms around Ryou's shoulders, bringing Ryou into a tighter hug.]

Part of that was my fault...for not understanding how the way I was treating you was making you feel.

[Not until the damage was done, anyway, and he was seeing the effects...and had to fix it. The ways he chose to cope with difficulty...the tools he had...he can't use them all anymore, can he...?

Ryou's collar reminds him of that. A clawed hand comes up, and a thumb brushes over the leather.]

We should be careful how we use this. I can't take control over your decisions when you're having a hard time, anymore...it's not good for us.

Edited 2022-08-21 00:55 (UTC)

[Atem fusses at Tybolt a moment, for that no-thoughts-head-empty bap: Adrian will hear something about manners, be good, and Tybolt will be held more closely to Atem's chest.]

Don't worry! He doesn't go out alone. Either Ryou or I always go with him...we'll keep him safe.

[If Atem's going to be Tybolt's keeper, long-term, instead of this being a fostering situation...then, he has to take the best care of Tybolt that he can. No one will get the wrong idea, or hurt him, or try to take him away. If they did...they'd be plant food.]

[Adrian isn't about to comment on someone keeping a baby lion as a pet, not when the people themselves can be lions, tigers, bears, and everything inbetween. The lines may as well not even exist anymore, and honestly...he doubts there's any proper life he could have on the peninsula in the "wild". The environment just isn't suited for it, not with the types of predators he'd be not only competing with, but trying to avoid just for his own safety.]

What 'bout when he gets older, hah? You know he ain't gonna be tiny forever.

If he does...we'll find a bigger place to live, where he can run around. But, because he's from Mana, he might not...

[Tybolt lets out a big yawn, with a tiny squeak at the end. He walked a long way today! (it wasn't that long, he's just a lazy boy lion) and he's tired! If they're not walking, he's going to nap! He pushes himself up so that his head and front paws can rest on Atem's shoulder, and settles in to sleep.]

Tybolt's already been here for a year and a half, and he hasn't grown past this size. He may well stay this way forever! But, if he doesn't, then...I'll take responsibility for giving him a good life, for as long as I'm here to take care of him.

[He adjusts his arms to hold the baby lion more comfortably.]

Unless -- do you have any ideas for his care, Mr. Lion? I've consulted the people I know who know the most about animals, but you might have a different perspective...

Edited 2022-08-21 20:35 (UTC)

[Ryou wants to argue that things don't have to change so drastically, Atem doesn't have to give up every single caring habit that he ever partook in, because it would alter their relationship too much, too fast...

...But he knows why Atem is saying this. He knows that things can't continue as they are, because Ryou is someone who values his agency. And yet...

Ryou turns his head, so he can speak where Atem can hear him, but he's still leaning.]

I've let you do too much. I haven't been letting myself exist as who I am, when...the truth is, I don't like it when other people take who I am away. It's not that you did it against my will...but my will hasn't been mine in a while, has it?

[There's a shame to his words, weighing them down.]

I don't want things to change too much. Not like this. I still want you to...to ground me. But if it's bad for us, then...

[His snakes hide back in his hair. They don't like this feeling. They're sad and conflicted and don't know how to deal with that any better than Ryou does.]

This is my fault too. I gave up. It's easier to give up and hide. But I shouldn't do that anymore. I can't.

[Atem starts to stroke the back of Ryou's head, petting his hair. He doesn't touch the collar.]

Being able to ground you, when it helps, is something I like. I want to be able to do that for you. But, if it's easier for you to give up, then it's also easier for me to take over, so...

...I can't do that when it keeps you from being yourself. I want you to be who you are...and I want you to be confident in your own decisions, even if I don't agree. I'm sorry, that I acted in a way that made you feel like you couldn't be that person...I'll do my best not to act that way again, now that I understand that it's easy for me to do that if I'm not doing well, and that it's not good for you. That'll make it easier not to give up, right?

Remember -- I started liking you when who you were didn't have anything to do with me. So...when you're free to be that person again...I'll definitely still like you!

[Unfortunately, most of Giorno's present people are like this. The suspicious, easily mistrustful ones, the ones that put everything under deep scrutiny to meet lofty standards. Lofty standards they share, otherwise they would never function as a unit.

But it's good to firmly believe in something, she thinks, in a place that wants you to believe in suffering and nothing else.

She watches Atem in the meantime, his expressions unreadable, other than she's sure he feels the same way she does about such a scenario. Ryslig is cruel enough, she thinks, but Atem is willing to play its game. To what end, yet, she's not sure. Mukuro is the same way, really. They're appealing to the Fog in different ways, but appealing nonetheless.

Which makes it surprising to hear the two of them fought? Trish can't hide her surprise, eyes going wide — She thought I was a conceited, judgmental jerk, he says – and he explains, clear, that Mukuro was right to think that way. And it's horrible to think of him using his powers to hurt a friend like that, but she supposes she sees his point.

In fact, she narrows her eyes, because the way he constructs this is deliberate, as is everything else he's ever done. He's lifting a mirror for her to look at, to show her her actions as he seems them, and really...for what they are. She's not subtle, and she knows it.

The mer considers all of this, expression smoothing out into something less pinched and more resigned, and tilts her head.]

Those things ought to be one and the same, right?

I can't make a decision if I don't understand. Besides, if I was only here to make a decision, there would be no discussion. I would have already made up my mind.

But I haven't. So here I am.

[She curls forward again, relaxing her posture.]

Besides, I don't care about danger. I know you and Mukuro wanted power for a reason that precludes any notion that you two would hurt me intentionally. Even if we weren't friends, I doubt either of you would. For different reasons, but all the same...you're no danger to most of us.

[In her particular case...she's a monster like them, and in some ways, she wonders if that renders her invisible to them. She's not a human, so she's not inherently disposable. She has connections, doubling the former.

Ultimately, she's best left ignored. She doesn't mention humans....but as a baseline, they're all dangerous to humans.]

I thought about my father after this happened, actually. He wanted to be untouchable too, to always be in control, but he wasn't. Though he didn't have anyone to protect but himself, so that already sets you both as far apart from him as I could imagine. What you two want in comparison is ultimately understandable, noble even.

But it made me consider something. If power couldn't protect him...it won't always protect what's important to you either. That's where you run into the same problem.

It's a fine line to walk, isn't it? Being paralyzed into inaction, or grasping for control no matter the cost. I can see that.

[But she sees that regret isn't on his mind, and she can't play that card, can she? Even if she feels strongly that he should have regrets, he won't do it at her behest. It's tough, because he knows the better side of humanity in a manner similar to her, doesn't he? He's operating from a completely different position than Mukuro.

Still, Trish pivots away from that.]

You're clever, Atem. So I know you didn't make the decision you did lightly. I don't think you're a bad person either.

And if I want better for you...I very well can't get that if I walk away, can I?

...Uhh.

[Shit. Maybe he should have kept his big mouth shut. He huffs, which causes a small stream of smoke to exhale from his nostrils that Atem might notice.

Weird.]

Nah, I...I ain't seen a lion in person before. Not until I came here. Just cause I am one don't mean I'm suddenly an expert.

[He's a Manticore, but also still learning the ins-and-outs of being one. It's...taking a lot of getting used to, unsurprisingly, and is leaps and bounds away from being an insect.]

And the name's Adrian.

[Pleeeease never call him Mr. he might die]

[The only thing stopping Ryou from instinctively wrapping himself around Atem completely at this point is the space economy they currently have going on with the sofa and the coffin-table, but he very much wishes he could. It's less about wanting to close the gap between then and more the fact that Atem is managing to say the exact things that would comfort him in this situation.

Being assured that he, as he is, would be loved by Atem, and that in fact, even with all his flaws, Atem had fallen for him in the first place...it's almost too much to think about.

So, he simply nuzzles Atem's shoulder more. It's a comfort to do so.]

I know...I can't expect you to take the reins for me indefinitely, or even frequently. I'm the only person who can be in charge of me.

Your narrator told me that what we're doing right now is weakening us, as a team. I thought it was just because I was a useless burden, but it's more than that. We have to work together more cohesively--not try and cover up each other's shortcomings and overcompensate for them.

[A hand reaches up, to scratch behind one of Atem's ears. It's as much for Ryou as it is for Atem, honestly. He wants to do this. To touch. To be close. To know that Atem isn't going to leave him again, even if the mere anxiety of it is nonsensical at this point.]

I'll be better. For you and for me.

[Atem's ear instinctively does a radar-dish twirl, when it's scratched, and he shakes his head -- not because of the scritch, but because of what Ryou said.]

You don't have to be better. Just be more like yourself! You can't always be "better"...everyone has a limit, to that, and whether it's enough for the people around us or not is up to them.

But, who you are -- that's good enough for me!

I gave you that collar first and foremost to help you with your scar...we should go back to thinking of it that way.

[Ryou's shoulders slump noticeably when Atem says they should walk back anything besides utility for the collar. It's...not what he wanted, ever.]

So...we shouldn't play the games we do anymore with it...? Never?

[He doesn't want to walk back that kind of trust--but if Atem thinks it's better, even when they're alone and flirting, then...he'll respect it.]

I've really screwed it up, haven't I? H-hahaha...

[His hand stays in place, even after Atem's head-shake. But now he's not scratching so much as gently stroking the inside of the ear with his thumb. Gently. It's as much for him as it would be for Atem.]

U-understood though. I know...it's like you said. You fell in love with who I am. I'll be me. But maybe not the me that's a shade for a little longer. I won't let Mana make me a nephilim again, but...I'm not ready to go back to shade yet.

[He'll keep being selfish a little longer about that. Even if changing back hurts him badly, he isn't ready.]

Mine's Atem! It's nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll see each other around...the monster community isn't that big! And we tend to wind up thrown together during the mid-month fogs anyway...

[He does notice the smoke. Is that a usual manticore ability....?]

[Good question! Only one way to find out...]

...Atem. Nanami mentioned you. She said she talked to your flowers, or somethin'.

[Makes more sense now that he sees this guy is a nymph.]

At least, not for now.

[Atem has to stand by that. If they're going to get better about Atem not taking Ryou's decisions away from him...they shouldn't slip back into that mindset as soon as it seems fun. They need to get stronger on their own, first...]

We should try to get by without them. But I screwed up, first...I'm the one who used them to take your will away from you, when it wasn't a game.

[His head tilts into the ear touch. He doesn't comment on the intent to stay away from being a shade, just acknowledges it with a wordless nod. Ryou's choices about his monster type are his.]

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i'm sorry but he is absolutely whinetalking in this tag. sad boy.

bdsm/control discussion,

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CRIES....he's babie

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.