knifemonopoly | IC inbox

Nagito! Yes, I'd like that...

[Atem wants to make sure Komaeda is doing okay -- the memories he saw weren't particularly painful, but he knows there's worse, much worse in Komaeda's history. Having to relive those...he seems okay over text, but the best way to know for sure will be in person.]

Where do you want to meet?

And not being yourself...that's ceasing to exist, just as much as death.

[He reaches over and puts a hand on her arm.]

So...you don't think there's any hope of getting out? Before we go back to the Sea, or lose ourselves completely.

[Atem seems... normal. As normal as a person can be over text. But he's glad, because it's better than being met with suspicion or hostility. It gives him hope that there may not be any lingering side effects to this...

But, well. He wonders if he'd be pushing his luck to ask a favor before making sure Atem really is alright.]

Can we meet in the lager woods? I know that seems weird... But I promise it's only partially because I have a quest from Mana I'd like to take care of, at the same time.

[ She looks up at him dully. The hand on her arm feels distant, like somebody else is feeling it.

A kind of death... ]

Do you?

I do.

[He's quiet, but certain.]

I think we may be here a very long time. Longer than any of us imagined when we arrived. But I don't think escape is hopeless.

Monsters have only been coming here for eight or nine years. In that time, slow but steady progress has been made in understanding the world around us, and what is around that world. A few years ago, no one even knew the Sea of Stars existed! It isn't fast, but...we are learning.

And, in case all of that turns out to be a trick too, I also think, [Atem goes on,] that the fact that the things we hear from the Fog and learn from portal expeditions are meant to take away our desire to escape itself means there's hope. Because -- if escape were really impossible, and all attempts to get out would just tie into the mid-month fog and generate its suffering...then they should be encouraging us to try. Do you see what I mean? I think there is a way -- it's just a matter of finding it, without causing too much trouble through failed attempts.

If you have to be in Lager Woods for it, you've asked the right person...it's dangerous in there if you're not aligned with the Fog! Unless you pledged while I was asleep...?

Either way, I'm happy to help with your Mana quest...we can meet there at sundown.

Well... I actually pledged before you fell asleep. I've been Fog aligned since late January.

But yes! Sundown works well for me... I can tell you all of the details when we get there, but we'll have to stay up all night for it to work.

I see...that's good, then.

[Even babysitting a non-Fog is tough...this will be a lot easier with Komaeda's Fog alignment.]

Should I bring anything?

Maybe something to eat? It's going to be like an outdoor sleepover, but we're not allowed to sleep! If you want to bring anything else to feel safe, feel free.

Oh, but you should definitely come as a werewolf. If you don't mind, that is!

That's fine with me. I'll see you then!

[And, as the last of the daylight is disappearing, Atem will trot up to the trailhead closest to Bavan that leads into Lager Woods in travel form, a small bag held in his teeth. Though he's missing the hair that's his most obvious identifying feature, it's probably not difficult to tell who the Anubis-jackal with the wispy scarf around its neck that disappears at the edges like a Fog-cloak is.]

I can't wait to see you!

[Which is true! And also the reason why, when Atem arrives, he'll find that Komaeda is already there with his own pack in tow. He doesn't have to wait for sundown to move around, after all, which means he's got the excuse to arrive a little early. He's settled for waiting while leaned against a fallen and hollowed out tree, peering through the gaps between the standing ones to see deeper into the woods.

Though, the moment he hears approaching footsteps, he'll turn to see Atem as... As a cute little Anubis-jackal???]

Oh—! [Komaeda looks as though he's trying very hard to contain himself as he pushes off of the tree and trots over to Atem's side.] Please don't take this the wrong was, but... You're so adorable, Atem-kun!

[Enormous radar-dish ears, pierced three or four times each (another giveaway), rotate back, then forward again. The slender, angular head raises to its full height on its long neck, and red eyes with gold fur lining them blink.]

I' 'ere a--

[Oops. Mouth full. Atem sets the pack down between his paws, then raises his head again.]

--is there a right way to take it?

[Despite the proud words of someone whose feathers are mildly ruffled, the tail behind him sways slowly back and forth. It is good to see Komaeda...he's been away a long time, hasn't he? Even if it only feels like a few days ago that they went flying together...

(Also, objectively, the half-burial-shroud-half-puppy-bandana fog cloak is adorable. Atem is even smaller than usual, and the gold fur accents and golden claws make him look like a little dog with fashion opinions, ready to tell you that, honey, those shoes are so last season. And he carried the bag here in his mouth. He's adorable.)]

[Oh... The mouthful. It's too cute. Komaeda has to really resist the urge to just go right for touching Atem, steels himself with—it's important to ask consent, first—as he approaches and lowers himself down onto his haunches to be closer to eye-level with that travel form.]

As a compliment— as I meant it to be. [Back to his familiar, fish-like face, his smile is hidden behind unmoving anatomy—but still, the teasing fondness of it is heard in his tone all the same.] You know... dogs are my favorite animal. So seeing my favorite person as one is like a double-shot to the heart!

[Still, being face to face like this after not seeing Atem (Atem, not the other Yugi) for what feels like months is... It's a lot. Especially when the last time they were alone like this was when they flew together. Komaeda can feel the way his heart beats slower, more comfortably, in his chest. He's happy that Atem's okay, now.]

But, I bet you're wondering what my quest from Mana is... Do you want to stay like that while I explain it? Or would you rather take on your night form?

[F-favorite--!

By the second favorite, Atem's tail has picked up speed significantly, going from a sedate greeting to a much more excited thwapthwapthwap! Really, the way he talks...

The tail really undermines Atem's attempt at a calm and level tone when he replies:]

Go on and explain! I'll decide which form will be best once I know what we'll be doing.

[thwapthwapthwapthwapthwap!]

[Atem's tail is wagging so hard... Jeez, it's almost too much. Maybe just a little bit of a pet. A little pat on the head should be fine, right? Komaeda lifts a hand and pat-pats Atem right between those satellite-dish ears. What a good boy (affectionate, not demeaning).]

I asked Mana to turn me into a werewolf for the trip to the wastes... It'd be too dangerous for me to go as a merperson. [He pulls his hand back, sticking up a finger for everything he lists,] I have to stay up all night, dig holes, howl at the moon, I think? She said I need to bond with my pack, essentially...

[He settles his hand in his lap, meeting Atem's gaze again.]

I could've invited more werewolves to join us, like Mukuro and Beat... But I wasn't thinking about anything other than wanting to see you.

[The head pat earns Komaeda a look -- not a dirty one, just a very I know what you're doing! one, but it's allowed to happen with a little dog squint, which really should tell you all you need to know. It would not be permitted from just anybody, and some would lose their hands in the attempt.

He gets it...he understands it isn't demeaning. Like when Ryou was a manticore...so, it's permitted. Like a good boy, he listens to what's ahead with his ears forward, attentive...until that last bit, which makes his heart feel like it's about to burst.

Say anything about that pining little whine and that remaining hand may be in danger after all.]

-- that's to say, [he corrects, terribly aware of the noise he just made,] I'm honored!

[It would have been more of an authentic wolf pack experience with more and more experienced werewolves...but Komaeda chose him.

It's very hard not to jump up and lick. No one is putting this restriction on Atem but Atem, and the effort to keep himself behaved is partly responsible for that whine. But he is determined to retain his self control.]

[It's impossible to ignore that little whine. Komaeda's heard it enough times from Mukuro, from Beat, to know exactly what it means.

But this is Atem they're talking about. The guy who, arguably, has the most pride that Komaeda's ever seen. The sort of guy who, no matter how small he is, commands an entire room's attention onto him. Truly, even as a little dog, he holds himself with all of that kingly ego... And while that isn't a negative, it does mean that Komaeda is very aware of what he can and can't tease Atem about.

Pining whines are certainly not one of the allowed things, probably.]

I wouldn't put that much weight behind it... I was just worried about you.

[Komaeda's expression, a complicated mix of forever-stuck smile and deeply furrowed brow, says it all. That time of limbo, not knowing just when and if Atem would ever wake up shook him—and though they were all affected by the Pale Fog, a part of him was especially worried that they'd lost Atem forever.]

But you seem to be doing okay, so... Should I call more werewolves to join us...?

[Or do you want it to be just us, is what his gaze seems to be asking.]

[Perhaps if the pining whines weren't "I want it but I can't have it," if they were safer ground, teasing would be all right. As it is, Komaeda gets a look of gratitude.

...which quickly shifts to a look of panicked calculation, when Komaeda asks Atem to suggest whether more wolves should come along.

The factors that go into the calculus problem Atem is suddenly faced with are:

He only invited just me to make sure I was all right.

He missed me.

I'm not sure I'll survive ten more hours alone with him, at this rate my heart will give out!

More werewolves is closer to the spirit of the Mana quest.

Inviting Beat or other non-Fogs is a bad idea, the woods are dangerous.

I lost a month and a half of time we could have spent together.

(internal screaming, dog whines).

Mukuro is better for teaching him how to be a werewolf.

I want to be alone with him.

I can't stand being alone with him.

What is he supposed to decide?!]

If you do call more wolves, they should be Fog-aligned...Beat especially had a bad time in this forest, and it might be cruel to call him back here.

[Oops, he's slipping back into avoiding direct communication of his feelings, because his feelings right now are contradictory and overwhelming! Time to take refuge in strategy and looking out for others' feelings! His ears have pressed back, and his tail's stopped wagging: he's looking away, into the woods.]

[Ironically, it's easier to follow Atem's body language as a dog than any other form he might take. The way those ears pin back and that tail slows, all the way down to how his jowls pull and how his eyes widen by just a fraction, as, no doubt, too many thoughts filter through his head. When Atem finally does give his reply, it's... A non-answer. Komaeda should've already known.

His own expression deflates a bit, as he hunkers down and leans more of his weight against his knees, practically folding into himself although not completely closed off. It's impossible to mask his disappointment, but... They're working on this, still. It's a work in progress—and part of that work in progress is not just going along with those non-answers.]

Is that how you really feel, Atem-kun? [He asks, hopeful that prying will actually get Atem to open up and talk about it.] Because... I can call Mukuro, it wouldn't be difficult. You know she would come, but...

I'd rather you just tell me what's going on in your head. Do you not want to be alone with me?

[Being near yet far for a month has left a lasting effect. Much like Komaeda's realization that he can return to the Sea of Stars at any time, there is the reality that Atem can also just disappear. If they only have so much time together, if they never know when one of them might leave, then it makes this all the more important, right?]

[He looks back up at Komaeda at that, his ears still pinned back -- but this time, the anxiety is lessened, and shame creeps in to fill the gap.

Komaeda's right...he has to say how he's feeling.

He has to identify how he's feeling.]

I -- want to spend time with you, [he begins, feeling his way along,] and I'm very happy to be here to help you with this. But if you asked me to come alone because you were worried, and you're satisfied now...then, you should ask whoever you want to come. Wouldn't it be too selfish of me, if the idea is to bond with a pack, to say, I want to spend time with just you instead?

We can spend time together anytime, now that I'm awake, when you're not supposed to be shown how to be a wild wolf! When I wouldn't be taking anything from you by asking for it to be just us.

[His head lowers, and he sinks to rest flat on his belly on the ground, but it's not out of stress -- it's a move closer into Komaeda's space, a request for reassurance. The dog body language says petting's OK.]

[Oh... Komaeda looks thoughtful for a moment, as he listens to Atem try to piece his thoughts into words. It's a little silly, in a way that's wholeheartedly sweet, because even though he's gone so far as to admit how much he wanted to see Atem first and foremost, the guy himself is being so careful about being too selfish. He should be more selfish, Komaeda thinks.]

Hey... Atem-kun.

[He sees that lowered head—now understanding the implications of that body language, of Atem seeking comfort—and settles his hand between those ears again. This time, though, he doesn't just pat. Komaeda drags the weight of his hand over the crest of Atem's head, and down the back of his neck in a soothing pet.]

You're my pack, you know? And obviously I want to spend time with you, too. Sure... It might make more sense if there's more than just the two of us but... Mana didn't tell me I had to do this with a certain number of werewolves, and we don't know how much alone time we'll actually get to spend together either.

[Komaeda lowers his head, too, settling his chin on his knees as his overlong tail drags across the dirt and curls around the two of them.]

For a month, I was scared you'd never wake up, or that you'd fade to the Sea of Stars... And then when I finally saw you again, it was like you forgot who you were... You were Yugi-kun's ghost again. If you lost all of your memories of me... I don't know what I'd do. [A pause, his voice quieting sheepishly,] I don't mind if you want it to be just the two of us.

[Komaeda's right.

They really don't know how much time they'll get to spend together.

It's easy to count on tomorrow, when he isn't thinking about it....but Atem fell asleep so suddenly, without any warning at all. And he was away so long...it could have been worse, but six weeks isn't a short time. Komaeda could have been gone again, before Atem woke up.

His tail starts to swish back and forth again, making a single little dirt-angel wing -- as he gets back up to all fours, and bumps the top of his head against Komaeda's webbed hand.]

You're right.

Anything could happen at any time...so, we should take all of the chances we get, shouldn't we?

[They've already wasted enough time.

Touch is easier when he's like this: it feels safer in this context, when Atem is so far from human. He pushes himself up onto his hind legs, putting his front paws on Komaeda's thigh. It's not flirtatious, it's a canine get-up-and-go!]

Let's go run around the woods until sunrise. We'll get you your werewolf form for sure!

[There goes his tail: not at top speed, not like before, but brisk and energetic.]

[Not should—no, because should implies the difference between something that's desire and something that's necessary—they need to take all of their chances.

If Ryslig has taught them anything, it's that nothing is permanent. The inherent nihilism of this place, that nothing you do matters, that all of your effort could end up wasted, is something that could break a person's spirit into a thousand pieces. And yet, Komaeda, as is his wont in his forever quest for hope, doesn't let that depress him. If anything, the impermanence of Ryslig motivates him to make the changes he wants, to pursue the things that make him happy.

He's been a bystander to his own destiny his whole life, but not anymore. Not when Atem takes the shape of the cutest dog he's ever seen, and jumps onto him with a zest for life that can only be inspired both by canine brain and the fear of losing these few precious moments. It softens Komaeda, makes him really, really glad that he was able to come back again, and repair what had been so broken before.]

I'm not a very good runner, [he admits with a humor to his tone that has it sounding half like a joke,] but just like how you showed me how to fly... Do you want to show me how you like to be a werewolf?

[There's no doubt that there are others who could probably be a wolf better than Atem can, but that's not the point. He'll have his chances to be taught by Mukuro or Beat... But right now, he wants to follow that radiant path that only a king could carve.]

[There's a little bit of a yip in Atem's voice as he declares:]

I'll do my best!

[This isn't a, "Well, no guarantees, but I'll try." It's a promise to give it everything he has.

He hops his front paws back down to the ground, and his shape changes -- he grows taller, actually breaking five feet for once thanks to the digitigrade paws -- and becomes something mostly human, but with a fully canine head. He's still short, though, a very compact werewolf, especially for a night form!

He bends down and picks up the bag he let fall, before.]

Let's find a good place to bury these, so we don't have to carry them around all night.

[And into the forest he goes!]

[Atem is so very, very lucky that Komaeda is more concerned with upsetting him than indulging in every little intrusive thought needling into his brain. Intrusive thoughts, that, are slightly abated by the guy shifting into his night form rather than staying as a cute and lovable little dog.

(Well, he's still cute and lovable but Komaeda isn't going to say that, he knows better.)]

We need to bury your bag...?

[He asks as he straightens himself up to standing. He plods after Atem, head cocked to one side curiously.]

What did you end up bringing, anyways?

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.