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[The head pat earns Komaeda a look -- not a dirty one, just a very I know what you're doing! one, but it's allowed to happen with a little dog squint, which really should tell you all you need to know. It would not be permitted from just anybody, and some would lose their hands in the attempt.

He gets it...he understands it isn't demeaning. Like when Ryou was a manticore...so, it's permitted. Like a good boy, he listens to what's ahead with his ears forward, attentive...until that last bit, which makes his heart feel like it's about to burst.

Say anything about that pining little whine and that remaining hand may be in danger after all.]

-- that's to say, [he corrects, terribly aware of the noise he just made,] I'm honored!

[It would have been more of an authentic wolf pack experience with more and more experienced werewolves...but Komaeda chose him.

It's very hard not to jump up and lick. No one is putting this restriction on Atem but Atem, and the effort to keep himself behaved is partly responsible for that whine. But he is determined to retain his self control.]

[It's impossible to ignore that little whine. Komaeda's heard it enough times from Mukuro, from Beat, to know exactly what it means.

But this is Atem they're talking about. The guy who, arguably, has the most pride that Komaeda's ever seen. The sort of guy who, no matter how small he is, commands an entire room's attention onto him. Truly, even as a little dog, he holds himself with all of that kingly ego... And while that isn't a negative, it does mean that Komaeda is very aware of what he can and can't tease Atem about.

Pining whines are certainly not one of the allowed things, probably.]

I wouldn't put that much weight behind it... I was just worried about you.

[Komaeda's expression, a complicated mix of forever-stuck smile and deeply furrowed brow, says it all. That time of limbo, not knowing just when and if Atem would ever wake up shook him—and though they were all affected by the Pale Fog, a part of him was especially worried that they'd lost Atem forever.]

But you seem to be doing okay, so... Should I call more werewolves to join us...?

[Or do you want it to be just us, is what his gaze seems to be asking.]

[Perhaps if the pining whines weren't "I want it but I can't have it," if they were safer ground, teasing would be all right. As it is, Komaeda gets a look of gratitude.

...which quickly shifts to a look of panicked calculation, when Komaeda asks Atem to suggest whether more wolves should come along.

The factors that go into the calculus problem Atem is suddenly faced with are:

He only invited just me to make sure I was all right.

He missed me.

I'm not sure I'll survive ten more hours alone with him, at this rate my heart will give out!

More werewolves is closer to the spirit of the Mana quest.

Inviting Beat or other non-Fogs is a bad idea, the woods are dangerous.

I lost a month and a half of time we could have spent together.

(internal screaming, dog whines).

Mukuro is better for teaching him how to be a werewolf.

I want to be alone with him.

I can't stand being alone with him.

What is he supposed to decide?!]

If you do call more wolves, they should be Fog-aligned...Beat especially had a bad time in this forest, and it might be cruel to call him back here.

[Oops, he's slipping back into avoiding direct communication of his feelings, because his feelings right now are contradictory and overwhelming! Time to take refuge in strategy and looking out for others' feelings! His ears have pressed back, and his tail's stopped wagging: he's looking away, into the woods.]

[Ironically, it's easier to follow Atem's body language as a dog than any other form he might take. The way those ears pin back and that tail slows, all the way down to how his jowls pull and how his eyes widen by just a fraction, as, no doubt, too many thoughts filter through his head. When Atem finally does give his reply, it's... A non-answer. Komaeda should've already known.

His own expression deflates a bit, as he hunkers down and leans more of his weight against his knees, practically folding into himself although not completely closed off. It's impossible to mask his disappointment, but... They're working on this, still. It's a work in progress—and part of that work in progress is not just going along with those non-answers.]

Is that how you really feel, Atem-kun? [He asks, hopeful that prying will actually get Atem to open up and talk about it.] Because... I can call Mukuro, it wouldn't be difficult. You know she would come, but...

I'd rather you just tell me what's going on in your head. Do you not want to be alone with me?

[Being near yet far for a month has left a lasting effect. Much like Komaeda's realization that he can return to the Sea of Stars at any time, there is the reality that Atem can also just disappear. If they only have so much time together, if they never know when one of them might leave, then it makes this all the more important, right?]

[He looks back up at Komaeda at that, his ears still pinned back -- but this time, the anxiety is lessened, and shame creeps in to fill the gap.

Komaeda's right...he has to say how he's feeling.

He has to identify how he's feeling.]

I -- want to spend time with you, [he begins, feeling his way along,] and I'm very happy to be here to help you with this. But if you asked me to come alone because you were worried, and you're satisfied now...then, you should ask whoever you want to come. Wouldn't it be too selfish of me, if the idea is to bond with a pack, to say, I want to spend time with just you instead?

We can spend time together anytime, now that I'm awake, when you're not supposed to be shown how to be a wild wolf! When I wouldn't be taking anything from you by asking for it to be just us.

[His head lowers, and he sinks to rest flat on his belly on the ground, but it's not out of stress -- it's a move closer into Komaeda's space, a request for reassurance. The dog body language says petting's OK.]

[Oh... Komaeda looks thoughtful for a moment, as he listens to Atem try to piece his thoughts into words. It's a little silly, in a way that's wholeheartedly sweet, because even though he's gone so far as to admit how much he wanted to see Atem first and foremost, the guy himself is being so careful about being too selfish. He should be more selfish, Komaeda thinks.]

Hey... Atem-kun.

[He sees that lowered head—now understanding the implications of that body language, of Atem seeking comfort—and settles his hand between those ears again. This time, though, he doesn't just pat. Komaeda drags the weight of his hand over the crest of Atem's head, and down the back of his neck in a soothing pet.]

You're my pack, you know? And obviously I want to spend time with you, too. Sure... It might make more sense if there's more than just the two of us but... Mana didn't tell me I had to do this with a certain number of werewolves, and we don't know how much alone time we'll actually get to spend together either.

[Komaeda lowers his head, too, settling his chin on his knees as his overlong tail drags across the dirt and curls around the two of them.]

For a month, I was scared you'd never wake up, or that you'd fade to the Sea of Stars... And then when I finally saw you again, it was like you forgot who you were... You were Yugi-kun's ghost again. If you lost all of your memories of me... I don't know what I'd do. [A pause, his voice quieting sheepishly,] I don't mind if you want it to be just the two of us.

[Komaeda's right.

They really don't know how much time they'll get to spend together.

It's easy to count on tomorrow, when he isn't thinking about it....but Atem fell asleep so suddenly, without any warning at all. And he was away so long...it could have been worse, but six weeks isn't a short time. Komaeda could have been gone again, before Atem woke up.

His tail starts to swish back and forth again, making a single little dirt-angel wing -- as he gets back up to all fours, and bumps the top of his head against Komaeda's webbed hand.]

You're right.

Anything could happen at any time...so, we should take all of the chances we get, shouldn't we?

[They've already wasted enough time.

Touch is easier when he's like this: it feels safer in this context, when Atem is so far from human. He pushes himself up onto his hind legs, putting his front paws on Komaeda's thigh. It's not flirtatious, it's a canine get-up-and-go!]

Let's go run around the woods until sunrise. We'll get you your werewolf form for sure!

[There goes his tail: not at top speed, not like before, but brisk and energetic.]

[Not should—no, because should implies the difference between something that's desire and something that's necessary—they need to take all of their chances.

If Ryslig has taught them anything, it's that nothing is permanent. The inherent nihilism of this place, that nothing you do matters, that all of your effort could end up wasted, is something that could break a person's spirit into a thousand pieces. And yet, Komaeda, as is his wont in his forever quest for hope, doesn't let that depress him. If anything, the impermanence of Ryslig motivates him to make the changes he wants, to pursue the things that make him happy.

He's been a bystander to his own destiny his whole life, but not anymore. Not when Atem takes the shape of the cutest dog he's ever seen, and jumps onto him with a zest for life that can only be inspired both by canine brain and the fear of losing these few precious moments. It softens Komaeda, makes him really, really glad that he was able to come back again, and repair what had been so broken before.]

I'm not a very good runner, [he admits with a humor to his tone that has it sounding half like a joke,] but just like how you showed me how to fly... Do you want to show me how you like to be a werewolf?

[There's no doubt that there are others who could probably be a wolf better than Atem can, but that's not the point. He'll have his chances to be taught by Mukuro or Beat... But right now, he wants to follow that radiant path that only a king could carve.]

[There's a little bit of a yip in Atem's voice as he declares:]

I'll do my best!

[This isn't a, "Well, no guarantees, but I'll try." It's a promise to give it everything he has.

He hops his front paws back down to the ground, and his shape changes -- he grows taller, actually breaking five feet for once thanks to the digitigrade paws -- and becomes something mostly human, but with a fully canine head. He's still short, though, a very compact werewolf, especially for a night form!

He bends down and picks up the bag he let fall, before.]

Let's find a good place to bury these, so we don't have to carry them around all night.

[And into the forest he goes!]

[Atem is so very, very lucky that Komaeda is more concerned with upsetting him than indulging in every little intrusive thought needling into his brain. Intrusive thoughts, that, are slightly abated by the guy shifting into his night form rather than staying as a cute and lovable little dog.

(Well, he's still cute and lovable but Komaeda isn't going to say that, he knows better.)]

We need to bury your bag...?

[He asks as he straightens himself up to standing. He plods after Atem, head cocked to one side curiously.]

What did you end up bringing, anyways?

We do! We're going to do this the werewolf way, and that means burying our supplies so they don't get disturbed!

[Atem thinks he has a plan for keeping busy, at least for a while...]

My bag has food in it, so it's important to keep it away from other animals. What about yours?

[It's not just food. But the other supplies are only coming out if they're needed -- bandages, a lighter, a deck of cards, that sort of thing.]

[The werewolf way... Atem has a good point! He needs to start thinking like a werewolf!]

That makes sense! I didn't know what sort of animal would be in this forest, but it'd be bad if they ran off with our supplies...

[But at the mention of his own bag, Komaeda looks down at the duffel still slung over his shoulder.]

Hm... I brought an extra change of clothes, some hand towels, snacks, a few knives and some things to make improvised explosives if need be.

[That gets Atem to look back over his shoulder.]

Improvised--

[...and then, the look of surprise changes to a toothy, barky laugh. He throws his head back as he throws all remaining sense of normalcy to the wind: fuck it! Why shouldn't they have improvised explosives! Does it matter what Komaeda was imagining what they might be used for? Hell no!

It's such a Komaeda thing to do!]

That's so weird...it's just like you!

[Fuck it, they've got bombs, and Atem doesn't care to police them anymore!

(He also trusts Komaeda more, now. Infinitely more.)]

[That Atem could see him as weird and laugh about it (not even in a way that feels mocking), catches Komaeda completely off guard. That's just like you—said with acceptance, trust, and... Maybe even an ounce of affection. Atem understands that it was just a thought his brain had, with no ill intent behind it—that somehow throughout this night, having to make a bomb might be something they need to do—and just... Takes it at face value.

It's throws him off so completely to not be met with some manner of nagging, that while the werewolf keeps walking, Komaeda's just stunned standing in one place. He should be used to being accepted by now, but still, to receive it so wholeheartedly from Atem after so long...]

...I love you, Atem-kun.

[He blurts the words out before he can even think them through, and the second he does, it shows on his expression how unexpected it might be for the both of them. He quickly stammers out a serious of noises that are an attempt at words that never quite make it, before—]

I-I mean... I love that you aren't freaked out by me! [Oh, Fog... He laughs without humor, because even he isn't buying this haphazard save to make this one on one trip less awkward.] It means a lot that I can... Just be myself around you.

[The I love you as Komaeda is stunned into stillness catches Atem off-guard. He stops, too, and turns around, his eyes widening.

It...it's a little like it was behind the arcade, the cooling body with all its burns lying bleeding on the brickwork as Komaeda simpered about how I'm really falling for you!

But -- it's only like that because it's so sudden. This time, it's not frightening -- it's not like the crush equivalent of turning on a faucet hoping to fill a glass and getting hit with fire-hydrant force instead. It's just...it's like a dog that was so happy to see you it forgot its training and jumped, that's all.

So, instead of trying to figure out how to handle the feelings that were dropped on him, feelings Komaeda said were unselfish but which Atem felt responsible for anyway, Atem just thinks -- it's okay for him to say that, I know, and relaxes.]

I love you, too.

[It's a statement of fact. He can't really deny it, and hiding it, deflecting, feels worse than saying so.]

Who you are when you're yourself...I think that person's okay. Even if he ends up messing up, or gets things wrong...I know he's doing his best, so it's okay! I trust that.

[His tail starts to swish, back and forth. Even if Komaeda ends up doing something destructive with the bombs...it's not going to be because Komaeda meant something bad. Atem knows that. The declaration of trust isn't belief in Komaeda that's targeted to drive him to be his best self, not like it might have been a year ago -- not that Atem figured that kind of thing would work on him, anyway -- it's another statement of fact. He feels he knows Komaeda well enough to recognize nothing bad's meant, and also, that even good intentions aren't likely to lead to Atem experiencing serious consequences. Plus Komaeda has plenty of friends there to help him out if things do turn bad.

It really is just wholehearted acceptance. And trust, and affection. He's not freaked out -- anymore -- at all.]

[Much like the laughter, light and airy and believing, the reciprocation comes as a punch that stuns him. More than before, Komaeda stands there, completely motionless—as if moving would break this moment, and cause the universe to collapse on itself.

Sure, the feeling of love has been there for longer than either of them likely realized, mutual but never talked about openly. But the last thing Komaeda ever expected was to hear it so blatantly... How many times had he told Atem he's loved him and never gotten a response? (Three times, that's how many.)

He feels, in that moment, like he did when they were flying. When their souls entwined and their hearts drew in close to one another, and the world around them didn't matter, because it was all about the person there with them. It feels like the quest to become a werewolf is forgotten, like the mouth to the deadly lager woods is nothing more than a fairy tale forest, and all that matters, singularly, is that they love each other.

Sea glass shards roll down Komaeda's cheeks faster than he can realize he's even crying, and when he does, he's quick to touch at his cheeks and catch a few.]

O-Oh, [he finally finds his voice, and then exhales a laugh,] sorry, Atem-kun... I'm not upset, I promise...!

[Maybe a part of him is, because loving each other isn't the same as being able to be together... Not when Ryou has only ever talked to him about it in hypotheticals, and the situation is more complicated than what simple love can conquer.]

I'm just happy to finally hear it... I never thought I would...

[...ah...

Atem's jaws part in worry. Even though Komaeda says he's not upset but happy, it's still...

He turns fully back around and approaches, padding over on canine paws that are soft on the ground, and puts a clawed hand on Komaeda's shoulder.]

I should at least be able to say it, right? Even if I can't do anything else about it right now, it doesn't change things to be honest about how I feel. That's okay, isn't it?

[He feels like it is. It's the truth...it's not going to be followed up with detailed fantasy or anything else that smacks of taking advantage of this time alone for gratification behind Ryou's back. It's just saying something they both know, instead of pretending not acknowledging it will make it any better.]

[Though his cheeks aren't wet, Komaeda's too distracted with wiping at them to notice Atem's approach until he feels the weight of a hand on his shoulder. He startles, just for a moment, just long enough to realize it's Atem who's touching him, before he tucks his hand to his middle and grips at the front of his own shirt with worry.]

It's not... not okay.

[Atem is right. Being honest about feelings isn't wrong, per se, but it's probably irresponsible. Despite both of their partner(s) knowing the care they have for each other, anything that edges too close to the line should still be something they shy away from, he thinks.

It had been completely impulsive, the way those words slipped out of his mouth—and different from the cowardly way he had last confessed his feelings. When it was through Atem's spell, it felt like it was over the phone or something... There was a sense of distance that made it feel safe. But now, with the warmth of Atem's touch and the tenderness of his tone, it feels like Komaeda's being tested.]

We should still be careful, though... I don't want to get too hopeful or impulsive, and end up doing something you hate.

[His words are said with the hint of a frustrated whine. Atem is touching him but he's doing his best to keep his arms completely to himself. As happy as hearing those words from Atem makes him, the distraction is needed now more than ever.]

Let's get going, alright...? We have to bury our bags.

[...yeah. If they indulge in this too much, it'll cross the line into not-okay. But, Atem didn't want to break the moment first...he's done that too often, brought the subject back to practical concerns in order to avoid the uncomfortable and emotionally-dangerous.

Now that Komaeda's done it, though, Atem lets his hand drop from Komaeda's shoulder and re-adjusts the pack slung over his back.]

Yeah. Let's go.

[He heads for the woods -- and, only when he's sure Komaeda's following him does he go on:]

We'll have to find a good spot...a place where the dirt isn't too hard, with a landmark so we won't lose track of where they are. Though, I'll probably be able to find them again by smell...

[The moment Atem's hand-paw is removed, it's as if Komaeda can breathe again. There's a loneliness to it, too—he's cold blooded enough that the gentle heat of that hand is something to be desired, the absence of it that much more stark. But they have to be responsible now more than ever.

As Atem turns his back, Komaeda's mind is pulled back to his conversation with Ryou. A part of him still remains skeptical that things will resolve so simply, but... The part of him that still holds onto hope, that desperately yearns for the things he's always been unable to have in his life, is holding on.

The thoughts now swirling in his head have him hesitate, but only for a moment. Then he's following after Atem again, letting him lead the way.]

This is my first time in the lager woods, actually. [He says, as he fiddles with the zipper on his duffel bag idly.] I thought a place like this would have less of a chance of other monsters interrupting us... So, I'm going to defer to your judgement in choosing the spot, Atem-kun.

Maybe near a tree? That would be easier to carve a marking into.

There's plenty of places like that!

[He says, with another short, barking laugh.]

But there's one place in particular I'm going to head for...I think it'll help you practice some werewolf things, without having to run too much.

[His tail starts to swish with anticipation, the wag of a dog that's done something clever and is pleased with itself. They step into the tree cover as dusk gives way to night, the tree-leaves blocking out the stars, even in places without patches of mist. Atem leads them along a winding path, nose turned upward, sniffing in this direction and that.]

Luckily, I've been in and out of here quite a bit -- and with a werewolf's nose! I think this'll be fun...

[Oh... Atem's tail... Komaeda can't help staring at it as he's led through the woods, the eager sway of it somewhat calming on his nerves. He doesn't notice it himself, but as they venture deeper into the woods and ambient light around them dims, the blue scales across Komaeda's body begins to glow a faint blue that grows stronger the darker it gets.]

It'll be fun, huh...? [Komaeda can't help but chuckle at that,] you're so excited, Atem-kun!

[He's glad that Atem already has some plans in mind, considering that he sort of invited the guy here blind. Komaeda is sort of left to wonder what sort of spot he's being led towards.]

I hope that your other trips out here haven't been too bad.

Excited...? Yeah, I guess I am!

[Called out! Betrayed by his tail! But it's not too bad, it's not like it's a secret.]

It's true that none of the times I've been in this forest have ended badly for me. That's lucky...usually there was one thing or another that kept me from getting lost, so I don't have any bad memories here.

[Swish swish swish!]

Honestly, I like the woods...it's an impressive place!

[Especially since some of his memories came back, Atem has been a little awed by deep old woods with big big trees. It's a biome he hadn't visited before he came here, and where he was born, wood was a precious, expensive import and most trees a carefully cultivated luxury. So, being surrounded by tangled old forest is cool, like having a beautiful gold-mine down the street that you can just picnic in.]

[Komaeda can't help watching that tail, even as he listens to Atem speak of his previous times within the forest. There's no exact details given, but Komaeda's learned by now how to read the other's body language—something that's especially easier given that he's currently a werewolf.]

Right... Something like a big forest like this is pretty unfamiliar to you, right? Where you grew up didn't have anything like this.

[Trees taller than you could imagine, ancient and all-knowing of the land they stand upon... For as much respect as Komaeda has for the preservation of this particular nature, he still looks up at them with a slight tension to his frame. He's never been much of a camper... And without the animal instinct that might make it more fun, he feels as much like a fish out of water as can be.]

I grew up in the city, and my parents never took me on outdoorsy trips... So I've never really been camping in the traditional sense. I have to admit, I'll be relying on you a lot tonight for our hopeful survival until morning!

Edited 2023-04-04 05:07 (UTC)

[Why is Komaeda making him laugh so much tonight? Atem wonders. Is it happiness? Nervousness? Why is Komaeda so funny right now? Help?]

It's just overnight. As long as we build a fire, we should be okay...if worst comes to worst, we can use your explosives for warmth! Heh heh!

[His tail's still going, contentedly, enjoying the walk -- but, it picks up all of a sudden as Atem lifts his nose a little higher and his ears swivel forward. Looks like he's caught the scent he's been looking for!

If Komaeda is attuned to water with any of his senses, he might start to pick up that they're approaching some. Atem's ears can pick up the sound of running water before long, but Komaeda's might take more time!]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.

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