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[knifemonopoly]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.

Main handle: < Player1 > Anon: < turtleluck >, < actuallydied >, < burner >

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[knifemonopoly]

[No kidding.]

Mmm...

[He hums, looking for a path to bring this up.]

...I'm wiser, like this, than I was. I have a better idea of when to fight, and when to let matters go...

...

[Time to bite the bullet. If this ruins everything, then...well, then it's Atem's fault, and there was never any helping it. What's done is done, and hoping Nagito won't find out will only make it worse when it finally comes out.

He sits up. This isn't the kind of confession you make while taking it easy on your back -- it's too serious for that. He should be upright, with his shoulders straight, to face it head on.]

...the truth is, I ran into Nanami, while I was like that. And, because I didn't know better than to fight with a monster over a human...I tried to stop her from killing, in the way I knew how.

A shadow game.

[luckless]

[Komaeda nods along. Yes, he's well aware of how much wiser Atem has become, and calm too. His journey to becoming a priest has really given him a chance to learn when it's time to stick his neck into things and when not to.

Meanwhile, the Atem that he remembers meeting was much like the one he first met—always the first one sprinting into action.

But this conversation, the tone of it doesn't feel very reminiscing. As Komaeda listens, a pit forms in his stomach, with its weight nauseating. He knows what to expect from a shadow game, and in mere moments, his eyes have blown wide with the litany of scenarios he can imagine.

Nanami didn't say anything about this. Did she not want to worry him? Was she hiding it from him? Maybe she didn't trust him enough to tell him about fighting with Atem... Or maybe she felt like she couldn't, because of their relationship.]

What did you do...?

[The question feels more like an accusation than a needling for information. Its intention is clear—did you hurt her?]

[knifemonopoly]

It was a simple game. A card game, half chance, half strategy. If she won, I'd let her kill me, too, and sacrifice me to the fog. If she lost, she had to play a penalty game.

I...

...won. And, as a penalty...I trapped her in an illusion that she was human, for an hour. A difficult experience, since at that time she was convinced she had always been a monster...

[Yes. He hurt Nanami. He won't pretend this was right, or sugarcoat it.]

[luckless]

[The longer Atem speaks, the more it feels like Komaeda is somewhere distant, far away. The explanation is drowned out by the sudden rush of blood in his ears, by the thunderous drum of his heart in his chest. Sunrise is soon upon them, but Komaeda, in this very moment, has completely forgotten about their purpose here.]

So... You tormented her?

[His voice shakes, hysteria quickly edging into it. He knows, deep down, that Atem wasn't in his right mind and neither was Nanami. He knows that neither of them were acting like their usual selves. But the anger at Atem he feels is mixing with something worse—with his own guilt over endangering his dearest friend during the mixing of their memories. Atem may not have killed Nanami, but she still died, that week.]

What made you feel so justified in torturing someone like that? In torturing Nanami-san?

[Depending on Atem's answer, Komaeda may or may not make good on the weight of his knife in his pocket.]

[knifemonopoly]

[He pulls his legs up to his chest, then wraps his arms around them. Atem's shoulders slump, miserably: he's not proud of this at all.]

Because I forgot that she meant more to me than any human. That her wellbeing is...will always be more important than my sense of right and wrong.

[That's what it is to understand the condition of being a monster. Protecting monsters' happiness is more important than human lives, because sooner or later an unhappy monster costs human lives. The scale is weighted. His old sense of right and wrong...he might be doomed to nonexistence for it if his old beliefs hold true, if he even still has a heart to weigh after all he's been through, but here, he knows what he has to do, what he has to be. One human, three humans, a family, a class -- it's not worth it, if the cost is to a monster's health.]

My missing memories...took that knowledge away from me.