knifemonopoly | IC inbox

[Komaeda isn't so much bothered by the eeriness of the scene. If anything, he sort of finds it charming in its own way. Something like camping and swapping ghost stories during, are things he never got to experience. So a part of him is especially excited to finally get the chance to do something so... Normal and mundane.]

It won't be a problem if I get my tail? [He asks, sounding less bothered by it than he does apprehensive. He doesn't want to stall their fun by becoming immobile on land, after all.] I mean, I trust your judgement Atem-kun... But if I go too deep in the water, we'll have to wait for my legs to come back.

[He says this while still following after the other, his gaze flitting between the broader line of Atem's shoulders and the scenery around them.]

[As he scratches around the ground between the trees, sniffing and pawing:]

That's okay! We'll probably be hungry by then...so we can sit around the fire and rest, until you get your legs back.

[Aha, this looks good....there's not too many roots here....]

Come on. Help me dig!

[Atem puts his pack down and starts going at the dirt with his clawed hands!]

[Well, that's a good point... Komaeda can't argue with it.

He settles in next to Atem, where he gets down on his hand and knees. He doesn't quite have the digging strength of a werewolf, but even as a merperson, he can willingly extend his claws into something a bit bigger and stronger to tear through the softer dirt with. He'll start to scrape away at it, though not nearly as efficiently as Atem can.]

You know... I wanted to thank you for agreeing to this, [he mentions quietly, as they work at that digging spot together,] not just helping me fly... But also helping me with this. Especially on such short notice...

[He always knows how reliable Atem can be, but a small part of him is still a little worried.]

I hope you'll tell me if I'm ever asking too much or bothering you...

[He hums, as he digs along, as he listens to Komaeda's thanks.]

It isn't that I don't have other responsibilities, but...getting to spend time with you...it's special. No matter what we're doing!

[He's not just here because he was asked for help -- it's also because he wants to be, very much.]

If it ever felt like a bother, I would tell you. But that wouldn't be so bad, would it? It would mean we spent enough time together that this happiness was what was normal for us. That I got to spend so much time with you that missing one project wouldn't feel like I was losing out on something I can't replace.

[The hole is just about deep enough, and Atem surveys it with a keen but satisfied eye, sitting back on his haunches.]

...imagine how many good memories we'd have together, in a situation like that.

[Komaeda continues to dig one-handedly, and albeit, quite a lot slower than Atem does. He's too preoccupied with his thoughts, and the feelings Atem fills the space of his skull and ribs with. It shouldn't be surprising to hear, at this point, that the other enjoys spending time with him, but... It still feels like it's sometimes asking for too much.

His head bows slightly, obscuring the bluish tint that rises to his cheeks with the long tendrils of his anemone-like hair.]

I think I'd have liked that, honestly... Maybe if I hadn't disappeared, or if we hadn't fought...

[—or if Komaeda hadn't made things worse by telling Atem that he was in love with him—]

...Then we could have become comfortable with each other, like you are with others.

Maybe.

[The hole seems deep enough, now...Atem puts his own bag in it, then waits for Komaeda's to join it, looking over at him.

How does he feel...? A little nostalgic, if you can be nostalgic for something that hasn't happened.]

And maybe I still would have taken you up on this. Because I think this is going to be fun!

[His tail wags in the dirt, making a little semicircle in the fallen leaves and debris.]

[Komaeda looks between the hole they've dug up and Atem, taking a moment of quiet before he suddenly bursts out with a short, awkward laugh. He feels the tension and sadness melt from his shoulders at once.]

I'm glad you did, [he smiles as he says it, trying not to stare at the way Atem's tail cutely whips the dirt and leaves up into a little cloud.] Being with you like this... It makes my heart feel like it's healing.

[He pulls his bag around his side and shuffles forward in the dirt on his knees, setting it into the hole.]

I think with you as my help, we'll definitely have fun fulfilling Mana's quest.

Yes...!

[The tension melts, and now it's just time for fun...! Atem's tail picks up faster, a doggy grin on his face.]

All right! Time to bury it!

[He turns to the side, 90 degrees away from the hole, and uses his hand to kick the dirt they displaced back over their backpacks! Scratch scratch scratch!]

Do it like this -- it's faster than cupping your hands!

[Komaeda is wearing sandals... and also has a big and bulky mertail! But still, if Atem is insisting he should kick the dirt back over the hole, he's going to do his best.

His best is rather pathetic looking, but after taking off his shoes, he does manage to scoot a bit of dirt over their bags and not be a complete freeloader. Luckily, his claws and webbing help a bit with it, even if it's not as effective as a werewolf's hindpaws.]

This is so... physical!

[He huffs as he sets back down onto his haunches and pulls over the water bottle he brought with him. With a few chugs, he'll be back to normal, but he's still catching his breath a bit.]

I'd imagine that a werewolf's muscles are much more handy for this sort of thing... A merperson doesn't need to have strong legs when it's their tail doing all the work...

[He is definitely, absolutely laughing at Komaeda's struggles. His tail is wagging so much.]

Think of how easy it'll be once you've got the right feet for it.

[Atem pats the dirt down, not quite flat, but into a more packed mound, with his hands. He decides to give Komaeda a chance to rest, though, before pitching the next activity.]

[Komaeda isn't sure just how much the right feet will help, if he still doesn't have the stamina to match. He falls onto his back rather dramatically, and exhales a long sigh.]

Please just leave me here to wither away and die...

[If Atem doesn't keep them going, he might just pass out sooner than later!]

Hey. Hey!

[He reaches out to shake Komaeda's shoulder with a golden-clawed hand.]

You can't fall asleep yet! It's against the rules! If you do, we'll have to start over...

[It should be almost morning by now, Atem thinks. It's a little hard to tell, with the patches of mist that drift by, but the sky looks like it's getting lighter.

They buried their things, Atem threw sticks in the lake for Komaeda to fetch, they laid out by the fire to dry, they ate snacks, and they ran around following scents for a little while, but the conversation's dropped off for now. Atem is lying on his back by the fire, gazing up through the trees.

There's something weighing on his mind, in the peaceful, companionable quiet.

Atem knows that Nanami is one of Komaeda's first, best friends. That if anything happened to her, he wouldn't hesitate...Komaeda is more or less stable right now, but that doesn't make him not dangerous.

If Komaeda finds out how Atem hurt her, last month...

...well. Atem is due a penalty, for fighting a monster for the sake of a human. And he thinks, surrounded by the woods' sacred fog, that he would rather know who it was coming from, and when, than be caught by surprise.]

Hey, Nagito...

...

...you remember what I was like, when we met in the memory fog, right? A few weeks ago.

[Komaeda doesn't have the same stamina a werewolf'd Atem does. All the running, playing, digging and eating they've done has finally caught up to him. For now, they've settled on resting near the campfire, which is very much welcomed, but is sort of making the exhaustion catch up to him. He has to fight to keep his eyes open, amidst the calming sounds of crackling fire and wind in the trees.

He has his knees tucked comfortably to his chest, when Atem speaks up. With his head leaning on his forearms, his cheek squished, when Komaeda replies there's a little slur to his words.]

Hmm...? Yeah, I do.

[He gives a tired little laugh, recalling the memory of an Atem that feels nothing like the guy he knows now... Except in a few of the important ways.]

You still have that same sense of righteousness, you know. But... I'm glad you've grown beyond being just the ghost that possessed Yugi-kun. I like you more, like this.

[No kidding.]

Mmm...

[He hums, looking for a path to bring this up.]

...I'm wiser, like this, than I was. I have a better idea of when to fight, and when to let matters go...

...

[Time to bite the bullet. If this ruins everything, then...well, then it's Atem's fault, and there was never any helping it. What's done is done, and hoping Nagito won't find out will only make it worse when it finally comes out.

He sits up. This isn't the kind of confession you make while taking it easy on your back -- it's too serious for that. He should be upright, with his shoulders straight, to face it head on.]

...the truth is, I ran into Nanami, while I was like that. And, because I didn't know better than to fight with a monster over a human...I tried to stop her from killing, in the way I knew how.

A shadow game.

[Komaeda nods along. Yes, he's well aware of how much wiser Atem has become, and calm too. His journey to becoming a priest has really given him a chance to learn when it's time to stick his neck into things and when not to.

Meanwhile, the Atem that he remembers meeting was much like the one he first met—always the first one sprinting into action.

But this conversation, the tone of it doesn't feel very reminiscing. As Komaeda listens, a pit forms in his stomach, with its weight nauseating. He knows what to expect from a shadow game, and in mere moments, his eyes have blown wide with the litany of scenarios he can imagine.

Nanami didn't say anything about this. Did she not want to worry him? Was she hiding it from him? Maybe she didn't trust him enough to tell him about fighting with Atem... Or maybe she felt like she couldn't, because of their relationship.]

What did you do...?

[The question feels more like an accusation than a needling for information. Its intention is clear—did you hurt her?]

It was a simple game. A card game, half chance, half strategy. If she won, I'd let her kill me, too, and sacrifice me to the fog. If she lost, she had to play a penalty game.

I...

...won. And, as a penalty...I trapped her in an illusion that she was human, for an hour. A difficult experience, since at that time she was convinced she had always been a monster...

[Yes. He hurt Nanami. He won't pretend this was right, or sugarcoat it.]

[The longer Atem speaks, the more it feels like Komaeda is somewhere distant, far away. The explanation is drowned out by the sudden rush of blood in his ears, by the thunderous drum of his heart in his chest. Sunrise is soon upon them, but Komaeda, in this very moment, has completely forgotten about their purpose here.]

So... You tormented her?

[His voice shakes, hysteria quickly edging into it. He knows, deep down, that Atem wasn't in his right mind and neither was Nanami. He knows that neither of them were acting like their usual selves. But the anger at Atem he feels is mixing with something worse—with his own guilt over endangering his dearest friend during the mixing of their memories. Atem may not have killed Nanami, but she still died, that week.]

What made you feel so justified in torturing someone like that? In torturing Nanami-san?

[Depending on Atem's answer, Komaeda may or may not make good on the weight of his knife in his pocket.]

[He pulls his legs up to his chest, then wraps his arms around them. Atem's shoulders slump, miserably: he's not proud of this at all.]

Because I forgot that she meant more to me than any human. That her wellbeing is...will always be more important than my sense of right and wrong.

[That's what it is to understand the condition of being a monster. Protecting monsters' happiness is more important than human lives, because sooner or later an unhappy monster costs human lives. The scale is weighted. His old sense of right and wrong...he might be doomed to nonexistence for it if his old beliefs hold true, if he even still has a heart to weigh after all he's been through, but here, he knows what he has to do, what he has to be. One human, three humans, a family, a class -- it's not worth it, if the cost is to a monster's health.]

My missing memories...took that knowledge away from me.

IC inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

SKIPPING AHEAD TO THE CONFESSION

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.