It's a very good question. They've lain themselves bare to each other, shown faults, and Ryou does have fault, he wants to keep baring them to Atem to prove that he knows, he knows what he's done wrong and that Atem really doesn't have to be the only one who feels sorry.
But...he's trying to express himself better, and not immediately resort to self-deprecation. That kind of behavior...he'd seen how it had exasperated his friends, below their caring. He was a difficult one to assist, and he needs to be less of a burden.
Not the burden he thinks he is. The one he actually is. So...he draws in a breath that seems to swell his whole body
(weird uncomfortable long snake lungs why)
and steels himself to respond.]
...I want you to know...I spoke to the Ring-Spirit and he admitted to me a bit of what happened when...when he went after that man.
It was proof to me that we will constantly struggle to sate the need for our own retribution. I know it must sound hollow, coming from me, but...every time I'm a shade, it's as terrible as being a nephilim. The only reason that I have any impulse control is because I've been a shade for longer than anything else. So I know what it's like to have something wrong and not be able to fix it.
I want to hurt him too. Even without being a shade right now, I wish I could reach into his still living chest and pull his heart out for you. Or set him on fire, like he did to me.
...I want you to be your whole self. So I won't stop you.
[Ryou finally starts to uncoil himself, the furthest section of his body sliding along the floor. Massive belly scales slide across the carpet silently as he makes his way towards where Atem is sitting. One forearm is used to support him upright, while the other clawed hand reaches out and tentatively caresses Atem's furred cheek.]
You don't need to prove to me that you'd avenge me. I know you would. But if you want to do more, to satisfy that need inside...then I support it. I'll help you wherever I can. Because I know what that feels like now.
[If Atem doubts his resolve or sincerity, then all he has to do is look at the little snakes at either side of Ryou's face, which are no longer hiding, and instead look alert. Determined, if a pair of snakes sharing half a braincell could look so.]
And...as for the rest...we've both hurt each other. We've both made mistakes. I forgive you for any missteps you took with me, intended or otherwise, because at the end of the day, you're the one most precious to me. I don't want this to be the end of our understanding one another. So I hope...you can forgive me for putting too much on your shoulders, and for not telling you why. I wanted to be your path of least resistance, not your dead weight, and I'm afraid I've done a lot of harm.
[He glances down for a moment, looking ashamed.]
It's unfair to you, to think that because you don't have the same reaction to death, that you couldn't understand or sympathize with me. You're not cruel or ignorant.
[Now that they're both transitioned from their candy forms, Ryou's thoughts aren't so impure as he looks Atem in the eye and strokes his cheek fondly. He still has things to touch on. But this...it should be a good start for them, or so he hopes.]
cw; descriptions of intended harm, immolation
It's a very good question. They've lain themselves bare to each other, shown faults, and Ryou does have fault, he wants to keep baring them to Atem to prove that he knows, he knows what he's done wrong and that Atem really doesn't have to be the only one who feels sorry.
But...he's trying to express himself better, and not immediately resort to self-deprecation. That kind of behavior...he'd seen how it had exasperated his friends, below their caring. He was a difficult one to assist, and he needs to be less of a burden.
Not the burden he thinks he is. The one he actually is. So...he draws in a breath that seems to swell his whole body
(weird uncomfortable long snake lungs why)
and steels himself to respond.]
...I want you to know...I spoke to the Ring-Spirit and he admitted to me a bit of what happened when...when he went after that man.
It was proof to me that we will constantly struggle to sate the need for our own retribution. I know it must sound hollow, coming from me, but...every time I'm a shade, it's as terrible as being a nephilim. The only reason that I have any impulse control is because I've been a shade for longer than anything else. So I know what it's like to have something wrong and not be able to fix it.
I want to hurt him too. Even without being a shade right now, I wish I could reach into his still living chest and pull his heart out for you. Or set him on fire, like he did to me.
...I want you to be your whole self. So I won't stop you.
[Ryou finally starts to uncoil himself, the furthest section of his body sliding along the floor. Massive belly scales slide across the carpet silently as he makes his way towards where Atem is sitting. One forearm is used to support him upright, while the other clawed hand reaches out and tentatively caresses Atem's furred cheek.]
You don't need to prove to me that you'd avenge me. I know you would. But if you want to do more, to satisfy that need inside...then I support it. I'll help you wherever I can. Because I know what that feels like now.
[If Atem doubts his resolve or sincerity, then all he has to do is look at the little snakes at either side of Ryou's face, which are no longer hiding, and instead look alert. Determined, if a pair of snakes sharing half a braincell could look so.]
And...as for the rest...we've both hurt each other. We've both made mistakes. I forgive you for any missteps you took with me, intended or otherwise, because at the end of the day, you're the one most precious to me. I don't want this to be the end of our understanding one another. So I hope...you can forgive me for putting too much on your shoulders, and for not telling you why. I wanted to be your path of least resistance, not your dead weight, and I'm afraid I've done a lot of harm.
[He glances down for a moment, looking ashamed.]
It's unfair to you, to think that because you don't have the same reaction to death, that you couldn't understand or sympathize with me. You're not cruel or ignorant.
[Now that they're both transitioned from their candy forms, Ryou's thoughts aren't so impure as he looks Atem in the eye and strokes his cheek fondly. He still has things to touch on. But this...it should be a good start for them, or so he hopes.]