[Atem doesn't look surprised, when Ryou talks about the Ring-Spirit, and what happened when he went after that man. He just nods -- we both know.
Inside of Atem, there's a bloodthirsty beast that cries out for revenge, that, for the last six months, has been starved. It purrs, when Ryou talks about wanting to hurt him too, reaching into his chest and pulling his heart out, burning him. They both understand. Ryou's clawed hand brushes over Atem's cheek, and he meets Ryou's eyes, when Ryou says, I want you to be your whole self. I won't stop you.
Maybe one day, who Atem is won't be someone who needs to keep a ledger of harms suffered to harms done. If he becomes a person like that, he'll be that whole self. But Atem's found that he can't force himself into that shape. Not yet. Not because someone else asked him to. He's too angry, too proud, too surrounded by pain -- he'll continue to worm his way into understanding Aunamee, continue to keep an eye on AM and Black Hat, and, as for the other...]
Regarding the man who hurt us...we've waited this long. Now may not be our best chance... [There was a familiar anonymous username, and a familiar name in the graveyard. Two and two makes four.] But if you see an opportunity, one I don't have...then, you should strike, if that's what you want. Remember, you and I have the power to transfer wounds...any harm done to you, you can give back.
[He looks Ryou in the eye, runs a hand over his jaw, down the side of his neck.]
You're strong enough. You can do anything. No one will scar you again unless you permit it.
[Atem leans forward, and brushes his cheek over Ryou's. He can't leave a kiss there, but this is the next best thing.]
As long as I know I don't have to find a way to let it go....I can live with it a while longer.
[But they do need to talk about the rest. They've hurt each other, and made mistakes -- Atem had warned him, hadn't he? When they first started dating. He'd told Ryou he didn't know how to do this, how to be in a relationship, and that he'd make mistakes. Well, he had...and now, they're knitting the torn skin and broken bones back together.]
I forgive you. Of course I do -- it was hard, then, and we felt alone! That attack...it didn't just take your life, and my heart. It took your self-confidence, and it took my home -- my sense of safety, among the friends I'd made, and my confidence that they'd help me if I needed it. We needed each other, then, just to be able to keep going.
But...
[He takes a breath in, then lets it out.]
You're going to need to be able to lean on people besides me, Ryou. I can't be everything to you. I make mistakes -- I say the wrong thing, sometimes, and my feelings get the better of me. I assume things are true, then find out later that they aren't...and, I need to be able to trust that if I left, you wouldn't go back to staying somewhere not fit to live in, without anyone you were close to. You need to be able to take care of yourself -- not by pretending you don't have any needs, and ignoring them until you can't take it anymore, but by knowing what they are, and trying to meet them, instead of leaving it to me. You need a place to live with things you like, and food you like to eat, and projects to work on with your hands -- and to talk to people you trust about the way you feel. Maybe there's others that I don't know about! It's possible for me to miss things. But you do need those, at the very least, and if you don't get them yourself, then I feel like I have to get them for you, and if you lost me, you'd lose everything.
So...can you work on meeting those needs, with people who aren't me?
cw.....intentions of harm
Inside of Atem, there's a bloodthirsty beast that cries out for revenge, that, for the last six months, has been starved. It purrs, when Ryou talks about wanting to hurt him too, reaching into his chest and pulling his heart out, burning him. They both understand. Ryou's clawed hand brushes over Atem's cheek, and he meets Ryou's eyes, when Ryou says, I want you to be your whole self. I won't stop you.
Maybe one day, who Atem is won't be someone who needs to keep a ledger of harms suffered to harms done. If he becomes a person like that, he'll be that whole self. But Atem's found that he can't force himself into that shape. Not yet. Not because someone else asked him to. He's too angry, too proud, too surrounded by pain -- he'll continue to worm his way into understanding Aunamee, continue to keep an eye on AM and Black Hat, and, as for the other...]
Regarding the man who hurt us...we've waited this long. Now may not be our best chance... [There was a familiar anonymous username, and a familiar name in the graveyard. Two and two makes four.] But if you see an opportunity, one I don't have...then, you should strike, if that's what you want. Remember, you and I have the power to transfer wounds...any harm done to you, you can give back.
[He looks Ryou in the eye, runs a hand over his jaw, down the side of his neck.]
You're strong enough. You can do anything. No one will scar you again unless you permit it.
[Atem leans forward, and brushes his cheek over Ryou's. He can't leave a kiss there, but this is the next best thing.]
As long as I know I don't have to find a way to let it go....I can live with it a while longer.
[But they do need to talk about the rest. They've hurt each other, and made mistakes -- Atem had warned him, hadn't he? When they first started dating. He'd told Ryou he didn't know how to do this, how to be in a relationship, and that he'd make mistakes. Well, he had...and now, they're knitting the torn skin and broken bones back together.]
I forgive you. Of course I do -- it was hard, then, and we felt alone! That attack...it didn't just take your life, and my heart. It took your self-confidence, and it took my home -- my sense of safety, among the friends I'd made, and my confidence that they'd help me if I needed it. We needed each other, then, just to be able to keep going.
But...
[He takes a breath in, then lets it out.]
You're going to need to be able to lean on people besides me, Ryou. I can't be everything to you. I make mistakes -- I say the wrong thing, sometimes, and my feelings get the better of me. I assume things are true, then find out later that they aren't...and, I need to be able to trust that if I left, you wouldn't go back to staying somewhere not fit to live in, without anyone you were close to. You need to be able to take care of yourself -- not by pretending you don't have any needs, and ignoring them until you can't take it anymore, but by knowing what they are, and trying to meet them, instead of leaving it to me. You need a place to live with things you like, and food you like to eat, and projects to work on with your hands -- and to talk to people you trust about the way you feel. Maybe there's others that I don't know about! It's possible for me to miss things. But you do need those, at the very least, and if you don't get them yourself, then I feel like I have to get them for you, and if you lost me, you'd lose everything.
So...can you work on meeting those needs, with people who aren't me?