knifemonopoly | IC inbox

[Yes. Atem agrees with that. They're already in so much danger, regularly...if Ryou's basic needs are taken care of, and he doesn't have to prioritize survival and sanity, mastering what he can do is smart.

...

...

Possession...

He thinks a moment.

Atem doesn't offer this lightly. After May...he wanted to be alone in his mind for a good long time. But this place has him calm, and he's had time to settle back into his own body, to let some of the mental wounds heal. Especially in this graveyard, it's easy to not be afraid.

So, after a heavy pause, he says, quietly, looking ahead:]

If you need someone to practice that on...then, it's all right with me. As long as terms are set, first...I think I could do it.

[This isn't like the times he'd suggested it before. Those times, Atem had been lonely in his own mind, and had been seeking something, anything, to ease the empty space where someone else should be. Now, he isn't looking for that. Not anymore. After the hydra, he's grown more careful, more comfortable with his own company. He's okay living as one person.

But, if Ryou needs someone to practice on, Atem finds himself willing to help. After all, Ryou shared blood with Atem when he needed it, and while Atem doesn't feel like that's a debt that needs repaying, not at all, it means that...helping each other with monster stuff is okay.

Ryou trusted that Atem wouldn't kill him, even in a fog form.

And Atem trusts that Ryou would respect agreed-on boundaries during possession practice.]

[Ryou hears Atem say that and for a while...he's not sure what the hell to say to it. He'd only meant it as an aside, never to try and get Atem to offer himself for possession. Ryou...had been in his body before. Back during Monster Bingo, and he'd accidentally taken some of that loneliness into himself, the feeling of being empty.

Then...he'd taken Atem's anguish during his death. All of his negative feelings...they'd gone to Ryou before snuffing out his emotions.

Ryou Bakura is tired. He is hazy still, from his medication, and the calm of the graveyard doesn't really help with it. But he is not so out of it that he can't realize the gravity of what he's being offered.

...He has to remember. He must remember to keep his face impassive, his heartbeat even, although Atem isn't as likely to hear it as a naga, he's certain. He has to keep his feelings platonic, which is increasingly difficult with the way Atem's opening up to him.

He doesn't have time for this. He doesn't have time for me muddying our friendship with feelings like that.

And still...he feels very touched by it. His ears seem to stand up straighter, barely twitching, but less out of excitement than just a feeling of...surprise?]

Y-you would...let me? If you say it's alright, then it's alright, b-but if you ever change your mind on it...you don't have to. Plus, I...I have a hard time controlling whether I'm taking pain during possession so I might, um. I might leech your negative emotions again. It wouldn't be on purpose, but...

[He stops, because he's not going to sit here and ramble at Atem. No, no. He has to keep it together!]

I...really do appreciate your trust. If it's okay...maybe sometime in the future. O-of course if you need any help with your abilities, I can lend a hand. N-no problem.

It is all right. I shouldn't let you possess me if I'm feeling bad anyway --

[He's learned a thing or two. He won't let Ryou in if he's uncertain or uncomfortable. This is only going to happen if Atem is feeling alright with it at the time. He won't force it, and he's not looking to fill the space someone else's absence has left.]

-- so, taking my negative emotions shouldn't be a problem.

[That space doesn't hurt as much, anymore. The more memories Atem makes here, the less empty he feels. He's still not whole, but...it's something he can live with, without trying to fix.]

Maybe not, but...if you wanted to, you could. I know we're agreed that I shouldn't take your pain without permission, but I would if you needed me to.

[That was...probably a bad thing to say.]

I'm sorry, that was a foolish thing to say, wasn't it? Erm...I just...want to be helpful.

[Ryou stops talking and goes back to leaning, and there's a nearly imperceptible shift in his solidity--just for a moment, he kind of flickers a bit more opaque. It won't be painful, but it definitely happened.

He doesn't want to make it awkward. He just wants to lean and let the sides of their heads make contact so he can forget everything. Don't be weird, Ryou. Just...accept things...relax...

He closes his eyes, vaguely dreading the response his words might draw out.]

...

[They're leaning, so Ryou will feel a little headshake.]

I don't want to let you into my mind, if I'm not already comfortable. If it's making me think about what happened in May, or if I have any other misgivings...then, it's not a good time to do that to myself.

That's what I mean.

[He knows Ryou wants to help. But no temporary pain-sharing is going to make Atem heal from what happened with the parasite any faster, or fix it if he isn't ready. Ryou might dull it for a while, but if his body moving without his consent does the same thing to Atem that smelling burning flesh does, then...

...then it'll get bad again as soon as the shade ability wears off. It's no good at all to force it.]

I understand.

[He gets it. Trying to fix something that wasn't his business to mess with was wrong, especially if he couldn't make it stick. And he doesn't want to make Atem think about things like this too hard, because that's just not fair. He's been through so much, and May was...very tough on him, to put it in simplest terms. So...Ryou deflects the topic entirely by...of all things, brushing his hand against Atem's forearm.

He wants to loop his arm around Atem's, but absolutely platonically. Yeah...]

I have other things I could practice anyway.

[It's said faintly, like he's on the verge of another yawn. Why is he so sleepy?]

Things that don't have the chance of hurting...or messing things up. Like...invisibility. Or maybe motor control with my tendrils.

[Steve dying is terrible for many reasons.

One of them is making going to this graveyard bad romantic timing. Ugh. Atem wants to tell Ryou, wants to tell him more and more the less anxious about it all this graveyard makes him, but he can't! He can't bring himself to!

Damn it, he thinks, as Ryou brushes his arm, and they lean on each other. This really is incredibly stupid.]

That's a good idea! If I'm not up for having somebody else in my mind that day, there are plenty of abilities you could put to use, if you're good at them. Shades have a power set that's hard to stop!

If they weren't, there'd be fewer power-flickers every time Miss Zacharov on the seventh floor has a temper flare.

[He might be a little more distant than a moment ago. This might be a touch automatic. He's thinking about how the sides of their arms are touching, and experiencing grief and frustration. The anger doesn't come out in its true form; it's just the hint that Atem might be thinking about something else that's off.]

[Ryou is so close to falling asleep. Soooo close. But something about the way Atem's speaking sounds like an opposing force to the relaxing nature of their surroundings. And because Ryou is an insufferable worrywart when it comes to other people, especially Atem...he straightens up.

His hair's a little messy where he had been leaning, so he reaches a hand up and straightens his bangs out before trying to mentally clear out the fuzz of sleep that had been overtaking him.

They...they were here for a reason. Ryou had forgotten, and it had probably upset Atem that he couldn't move around. He couldn't just sit here with Ryou when they'd spent all this time getting to the graveyard just to look for Steve's name!

Stupid...stupid stupid Ryou. Stop wasting time. He's sure that's what's going on. He's sure of it!]

Hmm...that's her then? I didn't realize that was a thing shades could do. I suppose I still have plenty to learn, don't I?

[He glances at Atem, as if trying to gauge his expression...then realizes that doesn't matter, they have a job to do.]

Hey...d-did you want to get back to looking around? If we keep sitting, I'm liable to fall asleep and I know we had something to do.

[Honesty is the best policy, right?]

[This is probably for the best. Atem hasn't come clean about how he feels yet...it might be unfair to allow this to happen when he's waiting to talk about it until at least after the meeting Giorno's calling tonight. Clearly, nothing will happen at that meeting that will make him not up to it.

(His snakes are still leaning in Ryou's direction, though. Sorry about your hair, they totally messed it up.)

He gives a brief, firm nod.]

Right. I've got to find out sooner or later...let's see if Steve's name is here.

[He pushes himself off the bench and back to standing-height; he'll help Ryou up, too.]

[Ryou can see the snakes in his periphery...but while he might be tempted to touch them at any other time, it doesn't feel right to do it now. He has to focus...be strong for Atem in this difficult situation! No sleeping yet, no petting hairsnakes. That'll be later.

So, he does take Atem's help to stand back up initially, but he also attempts to levitate on his own. It's been more than long enough to recharge his shade batteries, he hopes. And, blessedly, it does work. He lifts off the ground just a bit, his edges growing less sharp and his coloration darkening, but not completely.]

O-okay, I think...I've got it. Where do you want to start?

[Oh look! He's got it. That's very good.]

If I had the speed I used to, I could cover this whole place in seconds...

[Sigh! Nothing for it when you don't have legs!]

Let's split up. If you take the part we walked through to get here, I'll check the rest.

[He gestures to the rows of headstones between the gate and the bench; it's maybe 1/5th of the total area, and shouldn't be too taxing.]

[Hmm. That seems like an unfair distribution of the load, but even though he has one more leg than Atem, he knows he's the slower of the two. At least Atem can slither...]

Mm...Okay. I can do that. Shall we meet at the bench again once we're done? You'll probably finish after me...s-since you're doing more.

[But it doesn't matter. He's going to help. He's going to make a difference! Ryou's not...exactly energized, but he cares about Atem, and to a lesser but still clear degree, Steve. If this helps...he wants to have a part in it.]

[That works for him.]

Mm-hm. Let's meet there.

I'll leave it to you!

[--he says over his shoulder, as he slithers off. It's good to check this place thoroughly, every once in a while....since it's hard to keep in touch with everybody all the time.]

Oh -- if you see Nagito's name, let me know. He's still missing...

[Atem does not like that. Not one bit. He's asked around, when he's gone visiting other places on the map, looking for main-quest leads...but no one's seen anyone matching his description. If Nagito's name is not in the graveyard, he must be somewhere...

He just hopes that somewhere isn't the same place Steve was, or worse. He really, really hopes Nagito just fell asleep somewhere inconvenient, which happens to monsters sometimes.]

[Ryou begins to float away...then hesitates, looking over his shoulder.

...This must be so hard on Atem. He's lost two of his close friends, and now he's driven to searching for their names in a graveyard to confirm if they've gone for good. Ryou wishes he could do more to help...but at this point, any comfort he might offer would probably be seen as cloying pity.

He doesn't like being pitied. He couldn't imagine Atem would like it either.

So, he goes about floating along the headstones, reading the names carefully. No one they know shows up, and that's a good thing! There are actually no names he recognizes either, not that he expected to find any.

By the time he's reached the stones closest to the gate, Ryou can tell he has to stop, just for a moment. He wants to keep floating, but his body feels so heavy...so he settles down next to one of the graves and leans against the stone.

He's...just going to rest for a moment. He's tired...the ground somehow feels so inviting, and he doesn't even mind that he's leaning on someone's grave. He hopes they don't mind either, actually.]

...Please accept my apologies. I mean no disrespect.

[Murmured quietly, even though he knows it's an empty grave...he has to pay his respect.]

I'll let you be in...a minute.

[...Many minutes later, he's completely out, curled up on the ground and scarcely corporeal, if at all.]

[...

...

...

Atem makes the executive decision to let him sleep.

Ryou is gently wafted home with an old flyer someone pasted to the cemetery walls.]

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.