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knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message. | ||||
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You remember I was upset about the whole subject of who I am, sometime after we returned from the alternate world? He approached me privately on the network and I had, well. I...had a bit of a breakdown on him as well. He was surprisingly helpful with that. Really, I was quite surprised, but given what he said afterwards, it makes sense.
[The shade sighs, then comes around the kitchen counter, arms still wrapped around himself. Unconsciously, he wants to be a little closer to the other Yugi, to someone properly friendly with him.]
He expressed interest in meeting up, and...well, he'd done me a favor, I wanted to pay the kindness forward. I offered to meet him up then and there at the museum. In hindsight, it was foolish...because I wasn't wholly alright, and he's never alright.
A-anyway, we met, we spoke, and he questioned why I was there, to the point where I soon realized my way wasn't good enough. That was frustrating enough, so I just asked him to treat this whole...[He moves a hand from his arm, waving it in a circular motion to convey his point]...thing...as normal for once. Let's just be normal.
I guess I wished he and I could be like you and the real Yugi. That...would be nice.
[And he smiles sadly, oh god is it depressing to look at someone who had what you so desperately wanted; a close bond forged by shared hearts. A real friend who knows who you are and makes you stronger, not an opportunistic thief that uses your body as a plaything.
Ryou has to pause, to steel himself for the rest of the story, but also to give the other Yugi a moment to deal with all he'd already said.]
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They're trying.
Even though Ryou's been hurt...he and the spirit that possessed him are...trying. Trying to...help one another, but they seem to have no idea how to do it, and he knows from talking to the other Bakura that his mood can switch to cackling-villain on a dime, which doesn't inspire confidence in his ability to regain the trust of someone he hurt terribly. That makes his too-still heart twinge, nearly as much as like you and the real Yugi does.
The symbiosis he and Yugi have...well, had...is a good thing. He can understand why it would be envied, when Ryou had gone through something so similar and so different.
He wishes he could be like himself and the real Yugi, too, again.]
So, he didn't want to treat it like it was normal? And what do you mean, "your way"?
cw; technically a suicide mention + suicidal ideation mention
But he's on this path, and he can't diverge from it now. He has to finish what he started.]
He asked me what normal was supposed to mean. That's when I asked him to quit calling me landlord, to use my name. I told him I was tired of the debates and arguing, and something in all of that set him off. That's when he...he scoffed at it. He sounded bitter, but I think that I took it as him making fun of me when he told me I wanted him, the parasite, to use my name like we're friends. He said I just wanted to pretend like things were normal, when they aren't.
And he's wrong. I don't want to pretend. I wanted to see if it was possible. He's been in his own head here for long enough I thought he could maybe live away from the darkness and vengeance, then be someone tolerable!
Something about that, him being derisive at me...just made me lose it. I...I never told anyone until recently, and now it's just you and Noa, but I attacked him. Pinned him in my tendrils and said things I never thought myself capable of to him. I mocked him back. I insinuated that he was stupid bemoaning and never letting go that I sacrificed my soul to save my friends. I...I told him to quit making excuses or I'd...
[Ryou shudders because this is the opposite of who he is and it hurts to repeat it.]
I-I'd rip his soul out and let him appraise it from outside his body. I cannot forget what I told him, I just...I can't.
But the worst part is that it didn't make a difference. He just told me I was making excuses for him and he all but encouraged me to do it. S-said that maybe...maybe we'd be lucky and he'd stay gone for once.
[Ryou grits his teeth and looks away, aghast at all of this. He's damn lucky Noa never got to see how upset he was admitting this but now...now Yugi got to see it and it was shameful.]
I didn't pull his soul out, I swear, I left because I was frightened of what I did...!
cw assisted suicide mention
Ryou wants to fit. The other guy is sure they can't. He's so sure things are damaged beyond repair that it doesn't take much for him to give up and go right back to dramatic cackling and keeping control of the conversation through being as shocking and horrifying as he can, right? He tries, sometimes, to help, but...he's a messed-up soul and knows it and would, it seems, rather die than work to change his relationships.
With their history...it's no wonder Ryou felt so hurt. He'd done something very generous in trying to have a relationship that wasn't being used, and he'd hit not just a wall, but a wall of spikes.
They're all sharp edges and wounds, both of them. There's no undamaged surface left.]
--that's all?
Ryou, you had an argument that turned into a threat, one you even backed down from before you followed through with it. After everything he put you through, you came to make peace, and he made fun of you for it. In a situation like that, no one could blame you for losing your temper!
[Hell, the other Yugi thinks Ryou showed restraint.
But the problem isn't just what the other spirit had said. It's what Ryou discovered he was capable of, what he nearly did.]
It's not the kind of person you want to be, though, is it? The kind that gets angry. The kind that fights back.
[(it's almost a shame that the other Yugi doesn't have a personal point of reference for, "kill me" "maybe I will!" yet. however, since the jury's still out on whether he ever learned anything from that, perhaps it's just as well.)]
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Maybe Noa was right. These two could gain something from being around each other after all.]
...No. I don't want to be that person. I've never been so reactive in my life unless others were in danger. Of course I get angry, and of course I speak my mind when needed, but to actively try and hurt someone with my words is not who I want to be. Nor is being the one to attack another physically.
I know I don't have a choice with it here, but at least with him, I thought that was an option. It's upsetting that it's not possible to reconcile, but I don't think I'm going to try for a while.
[He exhales softly, then glances at the other Yugi more intently.]
Just so that you're aware...this isn't how I'll behave as a roommate all the time. I'm, um. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've been causing you, Yugi. With the rain, and now with this. I was upset, but this is not your responsibility to deal with, even if we are friends.
cw still discussing passive suicide
He waves off the last comment, now sitting fully on the arm of the couch, with a laugh.]
If you think this is trouble, then you must've not been told about the kinds of things my friends got into, before we met you. I've never turned away from helping out a friend!
[Even if, sometimes, helping and supporting your friend involved much, much more trouble than borrowing a hair dryer and letting them vent.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
His grin, which is just a little bit too playfully dark, fades after a moment, back into something thoughtful.]
I think that the two of you...are going to have a hard time not hurting each other, even if you don't mean to, for a long time. Considering that his last words to you were along the lines of, "it'd be lucky if I disappeared..." I don't think this Monster World game is meant to be retribution for what happened during the fight. I'd bet he's been working on it a long time, it happened to be ready now, and he didn't think about your feelings at all. It's careless, and a little clueless! But he's not trying to get back at you.
And...there wouldn't really have been a good time to do it, would there? That's probably his logic, so he's decided to do what he wants and have his own fun. So, I'd just ignore it, and do what you wanted, too!
...unless, of course, there's more to what he's doing than a casual TTRPG, and it's something we should worry about. I can't use any magic in games, but he's been here longer than me, and might have gotten it back. Should we get involved for the players' sake?
[He doesn't have the memories of the first game of Monster World. But he knows Millennium Item welders play shadow games. He's got to check about whether the other players are in danger or not.]
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No, I don't think it's like that. If he had that kind of magic, he would have boasted about it.
[It still hurts though. Ryou can't pinpoint exactly why he feels like he should be there. They're both bad for each other, and it's not as if Ryou could DM it at this point.]
I do think that it's true we won't be able to keep from hurting each other. But I don't think he's just going to give up trying to be around me. I can't understand why he bothers when we're just...so opposite. It's hopeless, honestly.
[The shade finally decides he's done being in the kitchen and heads to the living room so he can sit.]
I...should really work on building my own board. Who knows if I'll invite people to play, but it would be a decent distraction from anything bad that tends to happen around here, I think.
[He glances at the other Yugi for a moment, the bit about the stories he didn't know seeming to amuse the shade. In truth, he's a little bit jealous on the inside, but that's no one fault.]
As for things which happened before we met, I can only imagine your adventures. I've heard the stories enough, but it sounds like you'd have needed to be there to really get it.
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Is it possible that things changed, at some point? Is it possible that that changed here?
He can't say he'd treat Yugi any differently, if Yugi arrived and told him that in the future, he'd done something terrible, and Yugi hated him. He'd keep trying, trying to help, trying to make sure Yugi would be all right, even if he couldn't do it expertly...
But enough about that.]
There's plenty of space for it in there.
[He tilts his head to indicate the apartment's third room, the one he'd dropped the bingo-coffin into to act as storage and a decoy for any vampire hunters who got any bright ideas.]
I think you should do it. Even if you never play, having a Monster World board's going to be better than not having one. And if working on it makes you feel better, then it's worth it for that reason alone!
[Yugi would never have solved the Millennium Puzzle if he had turned away from little things that made him feel better just because he had bigger problems. In Ryslig, your sanity, not your life, is your most vital resource, so having something to restore it, to re-connect you with your humanity, is eminently practical.]
no subject
This whole conversation, after Ryou had gotten his grievances out, wasn't all that bad. The other Yugi was being supportive again, and although he'd told Ryou that it was fine, the shade still felt as if it was anything but. He couldn't keep doing this, and he had to find a way to make it up to his friend. Ever since the other Yugi had come here...Ryou had found his life becoming just a little more easy to deal with.
It's nice having a friend to vent to and who respects your opinion. That's crazy. He wants to hold onto that a little more, just in case that the other Yugi gets more of his memories back and remembers the awful things Ryou had been accessory to.]
It's going to be a lot of work, but I think building a full-sized diorama with those kinds of intricacies would indeed be therapeutic. The time it would take to do it itself is more than enough of a distraction.
[Heh. A master craftsman he is not, but he can manage this much.
He actually gives himself exactly -5% credit for his excellent crafting skills but anyway.]If you're ever bored, you can help too, but only if you want to. The framework won't be too detailed, and it might require two hands to put together.
no subject
[To say the least. The bonuses he gets to DEX rolls are stupid.]
So, if you need another set of them, just call!
[If he's at home, then he'll help hold pieces of the table together while Ryou attaches them, sure. That's no trouble!]