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knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message. | ||||
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Doesn't it...feel bad? That it wasn't yours? You...never talked like you liked the Fog, before.
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[He rests his hand on the ledge that runs around the edge of the roof, about chest height for him. He feels the concrete under his fingertips, gritty and cold, as he goes on.]
I think the Fog is doing a terrible job of being a god...I don't trust what she says, and she's responsible for people I love going through terrible things.
If Ryou hadn't pledged...I'd have thrown this key out the minute I found it.
[Out of loyalty, plain and simple. But, since Ryou made his peace with the Fog enough to turn to her for power...Atem can pursue his preferred faction, as well. Now that he's admitted that his monster powers, as they are, aren't enough.]
But, what I do...it's in line enough with what she wants that I think I can climb the ranks, make the sacrifices, and get the follower bonuses without compromising myself.
[A beat.]
Or getting...weird about it.
[He's not bringing up Aunamee by name but she knows what he means.]
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...I don't want you to become a different person.
[ She absolutely knows what he means. ]
I don't...think that's how it works. But I think...at least you could make decisions you regret, off her power.
[ Like the power of the nephilim. The monster he promised he'd never be again. ]
cw references to torture/burning
[He looks down, down at the street below them, the night-traffic going by. It looks almost like a normal city...an old-timey one, but still. If he keeps going the way he has...will he forget what a normal city looks like? Will he lose Domino next? Or Yugi, or Anzu, or Jounouchi...]
...if I keep losing memories, or going through things that hurt enough to change me...then, I won't stay the same person, either.
[Daniel torturing him had changed him. AM burning Ryou in the dollhouse changed him. Losing his heart had changed him. Realizing he's on his own in a way Steve and Mukuro aren't...while not physical, that changed him, too.]
I've already made decisions I regret, trying to prevent trouble for myself effectively. I worked hard on it...but in the end, it didn't get me anywhere.
[He looks over at Riley, lightening up a touch.]
Heh! Are you worried I'll go mad with power?
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No— not like that, I- know, I don't want you losing memories either, I just... I don't want you to have another thing like...when you became a nephilim.
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When he became a nephilim....it was frightening, it had hurt, he'd lost his sense of mercy in the terrible burning light.]
When I was a nephilim....what I wanted didn't matter. I didn't matter. Only what I did was important. And that went for the people around me, too...which was why it was so hard to remember they were people with their own pain.
...but I don't feel that way now. In its own way, climbing ranks with the Fog is selfish...I want to protect myself, and my own memories. I haven't been able to do that, the way I've been [playing.] living so far.
Do you suppose it will affect my mind? Does God-affiliation do that? I assumed it wouldn't, since Noa and Reira are both level-headed enough...
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I don't know. I don't know...so much around here. But, a lot of things tend to mess with our heads. Honestly I...kind of have defaulted to thinking that, something's going to...mess with my head, or influence me in some way, and I'll come out of it all...
[ She hesitates. Riley doesn't trust herself, see. So, when she sees someone make this kind of choice... She has to wonder. ]
It just. Seems like a possibility. One that I don't wanna see again... or see you go through again.
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[He nods. He'll watch for it, in himself and in his companions. And, later, Beat will confirm that spending time in the gods' domains messes with your head...he'll only be more impressed, recognizing it's smart to be worried.]
I hadn't considered that possibility. But, so far, I haven't done anything I wouldn't otherwise do, or be willing to do...
If that changes, or looks like it has, you can always talk to me. I never do anything without a reason. So, if I start to...I'll need someone to tell me so. I won't be mad at you for questioning me -- I promise!
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…Okay. I’m… I trust you… I do. You…
[ Atem wants to be strong enough so people won’t hurt him. He hasn’t, so far, involved people outside of guilty in his games. Scared teenagers who summoned him, hunted those who broke the moral code. Never anyone uninvolved. Never anyone…pure. It’s why she trusted him so much, to get another perspective on people to target. Riley never wants to hurt someone innocent, never again. That may be a tall order…but she believes Atem doesn’t either. He was so offended on Mattie’s behalf. That’s why she nods again, pensive but sure. ]
You’ve never changed your…what is it, your…rules? [ He talked about this like a game back in October. They got a little distracted because the heartfelt talk they had was set to music, but. She remembers. ] And… I don’t think Maya’s brainwashed, or anything.
[ She holds back a grimace. She doesn’t, she just thinks Maya is…somewhat insensitive about others at times. But that’s not what this is about, and she’s not gonna badmouth her boss for a conversation they had like over a month ago. ]
Just…be careful. Okay?