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knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message. | ||||
no subject
I did what I had to...
...
That's some psychological-change bullshit if he's ever heard it.
Atem, now that the light's going back down, dashes the water off his face with the back of a hand, and turns back to face him, fins flared.]
You don't know ANYTHING about what I regret and what I don't!
[A breath. Then, quieter, marginally calmer, talking himself through his own thoughts:]
I knew this monster form would go badly. I know how it affects you, firsthand. But if you're going to use your powers on me like this, for something like hiding my doubts from you --
...
[Awful realization, frustration, dawns on Atem's face. Shit. Son of a bitch. They need to be apart for a while, while Ryou's still a nephilim, but...]
...but I can't tell you to leave, can I? If I do, you'll just stop caring for yourself again! But if you stay, and I go, you'll probably just sit here the whole time...
[And, Ryou's looking for that damned event-inducing amulet, still...shit, shit shit shit, what's the right move here, this timing is really bad....]
no subject
He looks pitiful and sorry for himself, and that's probably so annoying, isn't it?]
...Sorry. For proving you right. Because you're right, about everything. I don't know about all your regrets.
And I don't have enough coins to fix this.
[The light of Ryou's halo is almost nonexistent, the metal bits of his halo dangling lifelessly.]
But...I won't. I won't just stop caring. That's not what anyone wants.
[Including him, but he doesn't articulate it. He's tired of being hungry, of being scared and lonely. It's miserable, and although he can't turn up his social levels all the time, and sometimes he's not hungry because he's upset...he can see where it's caused trouble. Where the lies have poisoned them both, even if they're just by omission.]
I'm not supposed to hurt myself, because it hurts you...but it also hurts me.
[There's a pause, a long enough one that if Atem wanted to yell again, he could.]
D...do you want me to stay away...while I'm like this? I can go. I can figure it out...unless you'd rather go. But someone has to stay.
For Tybolt.
no subject
Ryou does look very sorry indeed. Atem doesn't like it. Even though Ryou was the one who used a regret power on him, as though Atem were an enemy, it still twists his gut to see.
But, if Ryou stays...something worse might happen, couldn't it? Atem didn't know that an admission of a lie of omission would set Ryou off like that. He doesn't know what other buttons Ryou might have.
Then, shouldn't you have him stay with you, close to you, until this is over? Instead of sending him out among other monsters, who might not be so understanding....
That's how Atem would have felt, before. But he can't -- he wants to be alone, the regrets still fresh and raw in his mind, because Ryou trespassed with that power, he had no right, like Atem had had no right...
He wants this. Like when the parasite had been pulled out of his mind, he'd been hurt, and wanted to be alone for a while, to sort things out without another presence to think of.]
We should spend some time apart. It's my turn, to be by myself...
...if you'll take care of yourself while I'm gone, I can go. I'm the one who wants to.
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[Ryou says it quietly, with little inflection. His head is still buzzing, moving between the idea that he'd gone too far, or not gone far enough...but it's starting to settle on horror at his own actions.
Unlike Atem, it seems his nephilim fury isn't a low, constant hum. Instead it's acute, a burst of emotion that, if not stoked by the accelerant that had begun the mess in the first place, dies out and leaves nothing but, well...what Ryou's feeling now.]
I'll prove it to you. S-so if--
[He swallows hard. What an ugly word "if" is, between them. They've been together for a long time...saying "if" hurts.]
--when you come back...you can see. I'll change. I can.
[Maybe not all at once, and he'll fuck up, because that's just how he is. But eventually he'll find the right moves, and settle into them. Moves that aren't subversive and surreptitious towards the one he cares about more than anything.
Quietly, he stands, furling his wings behind him. He's avoiding Atem's gaze as he backs out, hands pulled to his chest. eyes covered by his own bangs.]
I...I know it isn't worth much right now, and I'll need to prove it to you, but...if you come back, and I'm still a nephilim at that time...I won't use my powers on you. I'm telling the truth. I won't. I'm so sorry...
[Once he's clear of the doorway, he moves away, to give Atem his privacy after what was, at least to him personally, a terrible, ugly, nasty event that has him stunned and hurting.]
GOD THE DIVORCE VIBES I'M LAUGHING SO HARD
It's ugly. But he can do it. He can skim over the surface of his worries and fears, like he always does...he can put it all away, again.
Webbed hands curl over the edge of the bathtub, and his gaze goes up to the ceiling.
Did I do right...? he wonders. By him?
...
Is that the question I should even be asking...? I want time apart, even if it's not what's best for him. That's enough...isn't it?
His feet, nearly dry now thanks to evaporation if nothing else, change back to something more suited to land-walking. The scuba-diver flippers shrink back into frog toes, more moderately webbed, and the shape of the legs, while still froglike, is slightly more human in its proportions. It's also importantly got bones built to hold his entire weight against gravity.
I just hope it doesn't accelerate his plans, with the amulet...I've got a really bad feeling about that...
He shuts his eyes, and pushes himself to his feet.
...but I can't bring it up now.
A discarded towel gets wrapped around his waist, because even if the lines of his body are smooth and unbroken, like when he was a naga, human legs mean a backside that reads as naked when exposed, and besides, he's still damp. It's early, but it's morning, which means he's gotten nearly a full night's sleep, before all this happened. He'll have to decide what to bring with him, what he'll need for a few days away from here, and what can safely stay...
...he crosses the hall to his own room, and starts to toss a few changes of clothes, his laptop, a couple thousand solars, and the Millennium Puzzle into a bag. Celeste's knife comes, too, and Komaeda's book, and Rachel's teeth-earrings...
After a minute or so, he sticks his head out of the door.]
Do you want me to take Tybolt...? Looking after him won't be too much trouble for you, will it? Or, he can go to Poundmates...
[It was his idea to bring the lion home. Saddling Ryou with full time lion care feels a little like a jerk move.
(The lion in question is in one of his hides, in the living room. It's very clear which hide it is, because one of Ryou's feathers is sticking out of it.)]
FOG HELP THESE IDIOTS
Maybe Atem would find it suspicious that he was already laying himself out to do nothing but...Ryou doesn't care all that much, he finds. He'll eat, he'll preen, he'll take care of what needs doing around the house...but not now.
All he wants to do now is close his eyes and sleep. But he can't even do that.
So, when Atem pokes his finned head out of his doorway, if he's even in a position to see...Ryou's visibly lying on his side, legs pulled up to his chest, and wings closed around him like a feathery cocoon. The only part visible is his slightly-askew halo, the tips of his curved horns, and his lion tail.]
...You can leave him here. If it becomes too much, I'll transport him to Poundmates myself but...I'm okay with him staying. Unless you want to take him...
[Ryou doesn't say it, but...he doesn't want to lose all of what makes this place a home. It's hard enough knowing that he and Atem are at ends, and that things might take a while to get back to normal.
If they even do. Ryou had done something terrible.]
OF COURSE I WANT MY KID BUT HE'S BETTER OFF AT HOME WITH YOU
He realizes this as he steps out of his room, into the living room, a bag over one shoulder.
Atem brought Tybolt to the apartment, and that lion...
...
...oh, no. That lion's his, isn't it.
There's not going to be a forever-home for that little guy. Atem's not fostering anymore. Life in Ryslig isn't the same without him, for Atem...giving him up would be too sad.
He's going to have to figure out better space for that lion. All of this shows on his face, as he's quiet for a moment. Then, he glances off to the side, away from them both.]
I do, but...putting me up for the night is one thing. Putting up me and a baby lion is twice as much trouble. He'll be better off staying here, in a place that's familiar, and set up to take care of him.
[He'd put up so many places for Tybolt to climb, hidden compartments where he wouldn't be found, even if someone came in with violent intentions...made puzzle trays for him, so he wouldn't be bored...
Stupid. Of course that lion's his, it has been for months now. But it's not a good idea to take Tybolt with him, trained or not. He has to eat, and go out, and it'll put a burden on whatever friends take him in. No, this is what's best.
Ryou probably didn't see any of that, cocooned as he is. He didn't even finish cleaning his wing. But, well...that's not Atem's problem to fix. He's got to go.
He gives a whistle, calling Tybolt over.
Tybolt doesn't come, not right away.
A second whistle!
That one does it -- Tybolt ambles out of the hide, slinking along the wall, knowing something's wrong. He goes up to Atem and sits untidily on his haunches, his feet sticking out to one side. Atem crouches down and pulls a little bit of nephilim down off of his nose, before rubbing his head, between the ears.]
Hey. I'll be back, okay...? So, don't worry. Behave yourself, and don't eat too much. Or anything you shouldn't.
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I-if you change your mind...he'll be here.
[He has no such illusions about whether the lion was their pet or not. Ryou's treated Tybolt as a permanent fixture for almost as long as Atem's been in denial. That's their pet. He's part of their strange little group. The host to everlasting darkness, the mixture of everlasting darkness with a nameless king, and the eternally youthful lion-child. Yes, Tybolt has belonged here for a very long time.
While Atem says his goodbyes, Ryou's mostly-clean wing unfurls, and he chances a look out from his feather prison. He shouldn't have, because seeing Atem ready to go, with his bag, saying goodbye to Tybolt...it makes Ryou's breath catch in his chest. It...hurts. It really hurts, knowing that he'd had a hand in this. He had told Atem before, that he never wanted to argue again, back when they'd argued over the dehydrating, on how Ryou should be taking care of it.
He wants to apologize...but further words will do nothing but make it worse.
He doesn't expect Atem to look over, but if he does, a moment before the wing encloses Ryou again, he probably wouldn't miss the regret written all over Ryou's face.]
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...but...
...he remembers how fast Ryou had gone from calm to ARE YOU SORRY. A switch had flipped, there are things nephs can't bear, and if Atem trips over another one, something worse might happen than words and regrets. He remembers Ryou's promise to change, and how carelessly he'd spent the night stuck away from home, even knowing how important he was to Atem. He remembers how responsible he feels, because didn't they promise that they'd be there for each other even if no one else was, and he knows Ryou would do anything for him, so when Ryou needs something, it has to be done--!
No. He's got to go.
One last rub to Tybolt's ears, and then the door opens, and closes, and Atem is no longer in the apartment.]
no subject
Ryou stays put on the couch for a while, lost in his own feelings over the matter...but eventually...he uncurls, opens his wings, and forces himself up. He's hungry, and Tybolt is probably hungry too.
Atem is gone...and the only thing he can do is make sure that he starts taking steps in proving that he can change...instead of just saying it, and then leaning on Atem even harder for stability. He can't take back what he'd done as a nephilim though...and that makes him a little less hungry than usual...but he's still going to take care of himself.]
...I'm not going to disappoint you again, Atem. I can't do this to you again.
[He says it quietly, as if Atem might be right outside the door, listening for some kind of sign. But he's not.
Before he goes to the fridge...Ryou unwinds a bit of cord from his hand. He'd been holding the object so close to his chest that it would be a miracle if it was spotted, but he sets it on the kitchen counter now, with a light click. The light doesn't quite catch on the surface of the small gemstone affixed to the cord, not in any normal way. It's almost as if light sinks into it and doesn't seep back out.
This...is not for now. It's for another time. He'll show it to Atem later, once things have calmed down.]