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[He does relax. Ryou may or may not feel the tension start to leave him, but it's not just seeing Ryou go to sleep, it's that these are safer waters. Even if they're still holding hands...it's easy to make this kind of promise.]

I know. I know it's necessary...I will, I promise! Even if I can't sleep, I'll stay here and rest.

[Because it's true, the longer he goes without sleep, the more likely he is to make a mistake, one bigger than getting personal in a way he shouldn't, a way that's irresponsible, since he's got to...he's got to find a way to win...]

[It doesn't take long for Ryou to finally fall asleep. Everything that had happened after he lost the word game had really taken what little energy he had left as it was. His fingers finally release Atem's hand, and he shifts awkwardly forward, as if he was trying to pull his other arm forward so that he could curl it under his head. Obviously that doesn't work...but it doesn't disturb him.

Nothing will...for at least an hour or two, which is when his REM cycle usually obliterates him with shitty dreams. Joy.]

[Heeeeeyyyyy, that's both of them! Atem, eventually, starts to murmur in his sleep.]

It's all right.

...

--for the Fog...for Ryslig.

...

It'll be over in a--

...

--struggle, you'll only make it worse--

...

--your arms, first, Yugi.

[He doesn't sound particularly agitated. Which, frankly, just makes it worse when he wakes up.]

--all be all right, you'll see--

Edited 2021-08-09 02:32 (UTC)

[It's not usually someone else that wakes Ryou from his dream. It hadn't even gone off the rails yet when Atem's voice pulls him from his own nap. He blinks a few times, grumbling a little as he focuses on what's being said--

--which involves Yugi's arms. Oh, that...doesn't sound okay.

Concerned, Ryou sleepily pushes himself up biting his lip hard to distract himself from the pain. Atem needs him. He said he'd be there, and he will. With some maneuvering, he squirms closer, pressing his face against Atem's neck, while his arm curves just over the other teen's head.

He doesn't say anything. He just stays there. Close. Protective. He doesn't think he'll be helpful, but he tries anyway. He's sure if Atem startles awake, then being in close proximity to someone will help. Absolutely. He just wishes he were Yugi so that Atem could see that the dream was only that.]

--sacrifice -- not in vain. A hero, to the--

...

--when it's over, you'll understand.

...

--do you hear him, Miss Fog?

...

--aah!

[...and startle awake he does, whether it's because of the unexpected contact in his sleep or something to do with the dream is unclear.

There's a long, slow breath in, unsteady at the edges, and Atem states wide-eyed at the wall of Ryou's room as the images he just saw play out over his brain repeat themselves, more awful now that his waking mind recognizes the horror of what he'd dreamed of doing.

Now that he remembers where he heard the words he was saying, the first time.

He doesn't know yet if Ryou is awake or not, and frankly, it'll take him a few more seconds to even begin worrying about figuring that out. He shudders, like he wants to crawl out of his own skin, because it was Yugi on the table that time, and Atem with the knife--!

It's not real, he tells himself. It didn't happen. Not that way. He helped Yugi draw some blood -- willingly. That's all. That's all...]

Edited (i just want to make it worse) 2021-08-09 18:23 (UTC)

[Ryou hates how it feels, to have Atem shuddering there. It's not that he hates Atem showing weakness, exactly. He simply abhors the very fact that anything could shake him so completely. This was one of the strongest people he has ever met.

And to reward his strength, he was put through so much, this place was working so hard to break Atem down to nothing, wasn't it? With the hydra, with what Daniel had done...all of it.

Wincing, Ryou pulls away and uses his arm to push himself up, and his own tired, glowing eyes stare down on Atem. Tired, yes. Pained, maybe...but determined.]

You are here. You're with me...and you're not that person. You can never...ever be that person.

[Atem couldn't be the kind of person that would hurt Yugi. He couldn't be the person who was subservient to the Fog God. And he certainly wouldn't carve his friends up in service of the Fog.]

[Usually, Atem would tell Ryou to lie down, that he might make his injuries worse, moving around like this. But there's still horror in his slit-pupilled eyes, he's still drowning in sleep-debt, and while he knows what's real, he knows and believes it when Ryou tells him he didn't do it, didn't do that, wasn't that person, he still whispers hoarsely, hollowly, the words spilling out as he grips the front of Ryou's shirt in clawed fingers:]

I was him. It was me holding the knife this time, I was--

[Daniel. Only instead of Elias, it was for the Fog, and instead of his mind in Yugi's body, it was -- it was eyes he's seen in mirrors in memories, and seen in Ryslig in person, betrayed and terrified as he realized what Atem was about to do, as Atem showed the Fog, who was watching, always watching--!

If it were anyone but Ryou, the words might not have come out. They might have stayed in Atem's heart, out of an unwillingness to speak them, a need to hide pain and sorrow even from people he trusts. But it is, so they do.]

[Ryou can only venture a guess as to who Atem's talking about. Maybe...it's Daniel? He can't be sure, though given the description, it could very well have been. Daniel had tortured him, and any manner of weapon could be brought to bear for such a task.]

You wouldn't do that, though, would you? You'd never do anything for...for the Fog. You wouldn't hurt any of us for her, because we're all a part of your heart. That's what you always say...your friends...they're part of you.

Atem, I'm so sorry that you're being hurt like this. The horror of it...how you've held yourself up for so long would be more than anyone could bear.

[And speaking of what anyone could bear...Ryou is struggling. His arm is shaking, his whole chest is burning with the effort of holding up a body that didn't want to be held up. But he endures it. If he wanted Atem to be there for him, then he's going to be there for Atem. For better or worse, this is what his heart urges him to do.

He leans in close, presses his forehead to Atem's, closing his eyes so that the glow of them can't be bothersome.]

You wouldn't snuff the light out of Yugi's eyes anymore than you would stab yourself in the heart. That's not the reality I choose to believe in.

[And trust him, he knows about some fucked realities.]

Please...don't let the darkness win here. You don't have to be strong all the time because you have people. [You have me, he wants to say, but he doesn't.] But don't give up.

[It's true. Ryou's right. Atem'd stab himself in the heart first.

Not if there was. You know. A third option, a way to skirt around whatever stupid situation was trying to force him to make that choice and stab the person who set it up in the heart. But. That's not the situation they're in.

The situation they're in is, Ryou is trembling under his own weight but still pressing their foreheads together, and Atem does take a second to shut his eyes, to listen to what's being said instead of thinking about hypothetical revenge, and...and also, instead of thinking about how close their faces are. A flush rises in his face again, and...instead of doing anything about that, instead of so much as letting his tongue flick out, he listens to and processes what's being said.]

Of course I won't!

[He says as he reaches out for Ryou, pulling him into a hug, getting one hand under and around his shoulders and the other around his waist. He is going to get Ryou off that overworked arm, get his head on Atem's shoulder, and hold him there a moment, doing his best not to jostle the injury too much.]

I don't think I could. Not when there was a single person here to fight for!

[What would that even look like? The kind of paralysis he experienced in Death-T? Atem would have to be terribly alone to feel that kind of despair again.]

Besides, [he says, since Ryou's words remind him of what had happened in reality, of what Daniel had been so frightened of but that the other Yugi knew was his element,] the darkness is a part of me. So, of course it can't beat me!

[Silly, he is the night. He's Atem, yes, but not Pharaoh Atem, not the living king ready to sacrifice himself to seal away evil. Maybe part of him is that, but another part of him is still the rising tide that carried him to Yugi's enemies when Yugi was truly angry, that let him understand what would rebalance the scales, what harm and revenge he could visit that would make things right again.

That's an easier thing to be, sometimes. It's not all he is, or he wouldn't be holding a different sort of shadow right now -- he's something like both, and neither, something capable of holding and supporting a beloved friend while also reminding that friend that his power came from a dark place, and that Atem doesn't mind that.]

[Ryou did not expect to be pulled down into a hug. His shuddering arm relents slowly, and he only winces slightly as he settles. Now it's his turn to flush brightly, to the very tips of his pointed ears, which wiggle slightly because this is surprising.

Atem...was letting him get so close. To be fair, Ryou had invaded his personal space first, in the name of trying to talk him down, but...being this close was a terrible temptation.

He could stay here forever and not feel bad. The only part he feels bad about is that he can't hug Atem properly, but he still manages to comfortably settle his face against Atem's shoulder. His eyes open, but remain lidded. He really has no idea...the extent of Ryou's infatuation. He's doing this because he doesn't get it

It's forgivable...but painful. So he lets himself respond, of course, like this is a normal conversation between two friends who were just trying to take care of each other.]

I didn't mean your darkness. I like yours. Your righteous fury and all your vigilante justice. H-heh heh. Heh.

[Like a comic book character. Ryou smiles, and he can only hope Atem doesn't feel the upturn of his lips against his skin, because Ryou's face is comfortably settled there.]

So long as you don't fall into despair and give up...I'm happy. 'S like how...you didn't want to lose me to my dreams. I don't want to lose you to an abyss you can't rise from.

[Ryou deeply considers using their contact to take on Atem's mental quandaries. He's loathe to do it without permission, but...he'll take a nightmare if it helps. He'll take every nightmare for this one, particular person.]

[On the one hand, the echoes of what Daniel did, what he did to Daniel, and how they overlap with the nightmare are still thrumming through Atem's head, full of burning and darkness and blood.

On the other, Ryou's ears are wiggling. They're right there. He can feel them. Look at them! It's calming, to know something so silly can happen...and so is the contact. Speaking of things Atem can feel, he feels Ryou grin against his neck. He feels very alive, very warm, right now.

He doesn't miss that Ryou likes him how he is. Ryou's seen his games, seen him hunt, seen him kill...and hasn't turned away. It feels good, being welcomed, it always does...take that, Lucius. Hah. There's a light, contented brush of his chin against Ryou's shoulder, and his grip around Ryou's waist shifts, his hand sliding a few inches further up Ryou's back--]

You won't.

[-but then, he catches himself, and very carefully relaxes. He lets his arm drape loosely over Ryou's waist -- that's better. Don't get carried away.

Atem's breathing slows, evens out. Even the loose contact is grounding. He really has been sold on how good it can be, to let a couple of people in, to hold the people you want to hold...]

Good.

[Through the haze of his own sleeplessness and dulled senses, Ryou cannot ignore what Atem said or did in that one moment. He can't pretend the fingers sliding up his back don't make his skin tingle beneath his clothing. Maybe...Atem does know?

But...when the hand relaxes, he exhales softly, and his ears angle down slightly. No. It was his imagination. Atem's just repositioning.

Ryou inclines his head towards Atem's anyway, pressing their faces just a little closer, and he comes to his decision as Atem begins to relax again. Subtly, he puts a hand on Atem's shoulder, activating his pain-taking. It's as easy as anything. He'll assure that Atem sleeps no matter what it takes.]

[Ryou's being subtle, and Atem's half asleep, but he's still Atem, and when someone moves with intention, he notices.

Eyes flick open, and his face turns a degree or two in the direction of Ryou's. Evenly:]

Ryou, did you just try to take my pain?

[He's pretty sure that's what just happened. Atem was already pretty calmed down, but suddenly, his tail aches less.

That's mostly how he can tell, since the lion's share of the nightmare pain has dissipated. On top of that, Atem's successfully psyched himself into contentment with and gratitude for what he has, so there's not even much loneliness or regret that he's not good enough at romance to pursue this to pick up. Atem's just...extra ok with being just friends right now? But that's not what's important. What's important is that Ryou is busted.]

[Ryou doesn't even have time to process Atem's pain before he's caught out on what he's doing. Oh come on man...do you ever rest?

He doesn't look at Atem. Nope. He can't look at his face because then if he lies, he'll be super-extra busted. Except...he can't. He can't lie to Atem, can he? He rolls the idea around in his head, along with all the extra fuzz of any lingering bad feelings (not much of that, at least) and the strange pain that he's not sure how to process because he doesn't exactly...have a big snake tail and it's weird.

No. No, he can't lie. That would be disrespectful.]

I just...wanted to help.

[He murmurs it softly, so quietly that it could be missed if you weren't listening hard enough.]

I know you did.

[But...he really doesn't like it when that happens without him agreeing to it...it was okay the first time, during monster-bingo, and when he'd died, it had been a gift, to die peacefully, even though it had been bad later....

It sits wrong with him to let it happen now, to let this pass unremarked-on. Atem stays where he is, his arms wound around Ryou's shoulders and waist; in fact, the one over Ryou comes up to hold the back of his shoulder, far enough from the injury not to hurt, but more secure, with purpose. They don't have to look at each other. But he does have to say this.]

But I need you to ask me first, before you do that again!

[He doesn't sound angry, and his voice is still quiet, despite falling into the exclaiming!! he does a lot, when there's pent-up energy and intensity. Atem is a very intense, bright-burning person in a very small body, and talking like that...it's a sign he's feeling more normal. Painshare means he's got a clear head to talk about this. ]

Do you know why?

Edited 2021-08-10 20:08 (UTC)

[The fingers gripping onto Atem's shoulder tighten as he speaks. Atem isn't pulling away from him, guiding him off because Ryou's done something that isn't forgivable and now he's going to leave...but Ryou also feels like, if that's what Atem wanted to do, he could--and should--have done it.

Instead, here they are, close to each other, and it's being turned into a learning opportunity. Ryou feels incredibly guilty as he answers, finally.]

Because...it's not my place to do something like that to you without asking. Right?

[Still not going to look at him. Too guilty.]

[He stiffens a moment.]

Your place?

[Oh, jeez, they really did have to talk about this.]

I'm afraid that's the wrong answer entirely.

It's because -- I care about you! And seeing people I care about hurt...sometimes, that hurts more than just having the pain myself. You understand, right?

[Of course Ryou does.]

I won't say there aren't going to be times where I'll need your ability. Where you'll need to act as the healer, even if it's a kind of healing that's painful...but I've got to be the one to decide that! Because I'm the one who knows whether it'll be worse for me to have the pain, or for you to have it.

[This is what happens when you bring him back to 100%, Ryou, or close to it. You did this.]

[He did do this.

...it's not terrible though. Atem sounds more like himself. So...maybe he won't take his pain without asking first anymore, but there's definitely something to be said about doing it this one last time.

Whatever that something is, Ryou's not sure. He's too busy feeling like all the blood's rushing to his head. Atem please do not say that you care about him, ever. Like ever, ever. Even if it's platonic, Ryou can't help his mind skewing the other direction. This is hard, okay?]

I won't do it without asking...under one condition.

[He pauses, his fingers working at the fabric of Atem's clothes as he tries to sort his thoughts out.]

If it's like...with the thing inside you, before...then I'm taking that pain from you. But...I won't do it unless it's dire. And I won't take a death if I can help it.

[Soon...soon he'll be able to do more than just take it temporarily. Then he'll be the ultimate healer. Just wait on him for now.]

B-but I'm your support. You're the party leader. I'll...follow you.

[Oh Pharaoh, My Pharaoh.]

[Ryou. You and your conditions! It's good that Ryou doesn't let people push him around, even a very very very close friend, but he sure can be surprisingly stubborn--!

(Stubborn's good, it means Atem doesn't have to look out for him all of the time, Ryou can be trusted, Ryou will protect himself unless it's a friend at stake and it looks like a trade can be made...)

Atem shuts his eyes.]

I'd really rather you didn't. Especially if I tell you "no," in the moment...I'll be very unhappy with you if you don't listen!

[Not, like, penalty game upset. "My friend is hurting and it's sort-of-my-fault-but-also-theirs-because-they-didn't-listen upset." The kind of upset you hug through instead of silent-treatmenting through. There's no threat in the way he says it.]

But I'll also try not to get hurt badly enough that you'd rather deal with that than have to watch any more.

[How's that? He'll have it in the back of his mind while he's out there that if he gets hurt, Ryou might end up hurt, too. So...hopefully, it'll end in fewer total injuries. Sure, it's a horror game, and Atem hasn't been careless since early March, but...he'll try.]

Of course if you tell me no, I'd take it into advisement, it's just that...

[He glances at Atem finally, glad to see that his eyes are closed. Now Ryou can observe him, and he can emote a little bit without being worried. Never mind that his eyes betray him 100% of the time when he's staring because they glow, and because they're pupil-less, staring is very terrible and awful. Someone could take piercing damage, for fuck's sake.

He doesn't think about it. He just...looks at Atem, and he can't help but think about how nice it would be to just...close the distance. Just...kiss him. Like the dream. Surprise, a kiss!

...Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope--]

...I hate to see others suffer. Especially you. But...if you try not to get hurt, then I will do my best to make sure I'm not taking your pain without permission.

[And just like that, he presses his face against Atem's shoulder again, exhaling softly.]

...Just wish that the nightmares would stop.

[For both of them.]

["Take it into advisement." Hah. What a stubborn little bastard, he shouldn't be in Ryslig, shouldn't have to go through all of this!

But this is as probably as settled as the matter is going to get. So, with a resigned sort of affection, Atem settles down too, and if he can get Ryou's head under his chin, that's good, that's right. He's a little restless, but he couldn't put his finger on why, or what specifically he wants, just that it has to do with the breath on his neck, and it's not unlike how he felt when Kaiba steadied himself on Atem with a seahorse-tail.

Monster puberty is a lich.]

So do I.

[There's a moment of quiet. Then--]

I talked in my sleep, didn't I?

[He didn't miss that Ryou knew his dream was about Yugi.]

Edited 2021-08-11 15:24 (UTC)

[Ryou's too happy to tuck his head in under Atem's chin, if given the opportunity. His short hair is slightly less unruly, so hopefully he's not getting strands up a naga's nose. But all of this adrenaline-fueled concern is starting to wear on him. His injuries ache with the strain, bone-deep and far past anything the painkillers he took can really resolve.

But they weren't finished here, because Atem asked a very important question.]

You did. It sounded painful...

[Actually, it sounded as if Atem was invested in what he was doing. But to Ryou, knowing vaguely what he was invested in was terrible enough. If he were in that position, he'd probably be more than shaken. If he had to dismember someone he cared about because of the Fog God and do it willingly, convincing himself it was for the greater good...

...Even the thought of it turns his stomach.]

[Ah. That feels important to know. Atem can't say if it happened because the dreams are magic, or if he does that all the time, and just doesn't know...

He changes the subject from the events of the dream.]

...I didn't know I did that.

I don't usually sleep in the same place as someone else...Noa hasn't said anything about it, and neither did Ima, during Monster Bingo...

[God, it feels like that was centuries ago. Only three months, but it might as well have been three years!]

...if it gets to be too much, you can tell me. I don't want to bother your sleep -- it's troubled enough already!

Maybe it's just because of what causes the nightmares. It's not a normal dream.

...H-heh, you sure do like napping with people, don't you? I didn't know that about you.

[It's not so much a taunt as an observation, at this point. Maybe it was just for Monster Bingo, but...it's alright if it isn't. It's cute if Atem likes to be around people like that. He's usually so goal-oriented...it's funny to see him share his rest with others.]

Don't worry about me...I'll be alright. I'm used to not sleeping that well, so I can tolerate it better.

[Well, not really. Not sleeping is what had gotten him in this mess in the first place, wasn't it? If he'd just been more awake, then he wouldn't have lost his balance.

But all the same. It's done, he can't undo it, and he'll eventually pass out into a dreamless unconsciousness when his sleep debt climbs too high. Then...the cycle resets.]

[(x) doubt, Ryou. Ryou might read that doubt in the way Atem shifts, where his muscles tense.

But he'll also read the moment Atem decides he's going to pick his battles here. Frankly, he suspects Ryou just wants him to stay, and is saying whatever he thinks is close enough to the truth to make that happen...

...luckily for him, Atem has no plans to leave.]

Noa's nice to nap with! He turns himself into a cat, and he kneads the blanket with his paws before he lies down...[which is CUTE.] I thought he'd mind being petted more, but he seems okay with people treating him like a cat.

His employees come into his office on their breaks to do just that, you know!

[He's not expecting this to matter deeply to Ryou. The tone Atem is taking is someone getting a little rambly before going to sleep...it's meant to be a topic that's not very serious, something else to think about, so that no one goes to sleep thinking about rifts and knives and how Atem knows what it feels like to take someone's arm off now, which lends a terrible realism to dreams where it's Yugi.

Nope. Gonna talk about cats. He's a cat person now.]

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.