knifemonopoly | IC inbox

[Ryou doesn't rile easily, not if it's someone who he doesn't have a negative history with. So Lila setting him off is hard to cope with. She came into his post, to tell him he's not the shade lord, as if he was trying to be!

He grits his teeth, his hair floating behind him as he struggles to keep his solid form, and there's a loud clatter as one of his small glass pots of paint smashes against the door and shatters loudly, leaving a bright purple splatter that, were it red, would probably make his room look like some kind of crime scene.

Ryou's lip is curled back, his fingers hovering over his keyboard as he tries to decide whether to delete his post and wash his hands of it. But the more he thinks, the more objects in the room start to float around him, orbiting the worst shade in Ryslig like a shitty shadow sun. Paint brushes, figures, books...]

It's not fair...it's not fucking fair!

I wasn't even...t-trying to tell her she's--I'm the bad shade! I'm the bad fucking shade!

[The profanities slip out in a hiss, all of it does. There's a burning white heat that has him hardly able to see out of intensely glowing eyes, his tail lashing angrily from side to side.

Ryou Bakura is tilted, and now he's making it obvious. Because if Atem doesn't hear any of that, he's clearly gone spontaneously deaf.]

[Oh, no.

Atem saw the fight go down, and had chosen to stay out of it, because fighting Ryou's battles for him won't show him he can stand on his own, but the sounds coming from Ryou's room aren't the noises of someone who's all right.

There's a rap at his door. For once, Atem doesn't barge inside. Instead, he calls:]

Ryou!

Can I come in?

[Ryou's head snaps towards the door, and he feels a prickle of panic creep up his spine as he realizes what's going on...but it's overridden by uncontrollable anger, to the point where he can't calm down long enough to stop levitating things in his room.

The energy loss will be pretty significant, he knows he'll pay for it, but he can't turn it off. So he does the only thing he can, and growls in irritation before responding:]

You don't have to ask.

[Oh, he's not doing great. Under normal circumstances, he'd never sound so catty towards Atem. But then again, under normal circumstances, he wouldn't be orbited by a bunch of his belongings or have a pitch black face with wide, voidlike glowing eyes and gritted teeth standing so starkly out from his features that they may as well be glowing too.]

[Atem might not have to ask, but he wants to. Under normal circumstances, he's secure in the fact that Ryou wants him there: if there's any doubt, he'll check. Ryou can take his privacy back any time he likes.

A cloud of mist slips under and around the door. It passes through the air, around the floating items, and settles into the space around Ryou, swirling around him slowly.]

Talk to me. What is it?

[Ryou generally doesn't mind if Atem mists around him. Part of him is comforted by the gesture, but right now, with his negative emotions riding high, the only thing he can think of is to lash out.]

Do you think I'll hurt you? Is that why you're staying this way? You don't have to be afraid, I'm not any kind of authority on being a shade. I'm hardly enough of a shade to be giving advice!

[Another item slams against the door, before clattering against the wall.]

Maybe I should stay like this. Forever. That's only fair, right? The suffering of others...I should suffer it too.

[He knows it's dramatic. But he's angry, so angry, and he can't stop it.]

I'm not afraid.

[But, if Ryou does hit him with one of the things in his orbit, he'll regret it, and feel worse...

He has an idea. Tendrils manifest first, reaching out around Ryou, not touching him if he's not solid but making a frame around him. Then, he steps out of the mist, putting a hand on his own chest.]

Possess me.

Go on. Be a shade.

[Ryou's initial thought when the tendrils start to creep forward is to think to himself that Atem's showing off, he's doing better with his tendrils than Ryou ever could.

But that thought doesn't stick--because Atem doesn't do things to show off, and Ryou knows it. It starts to break through the anger, just a bit, like someone chipping away at a glacier with an icepick.

The items floating in the air stop dead when Atem offers himself to Ryou, however. It's as if someone's hit the pause button on the world, and the only thing that's alive is those big white eyes of his, the undulating strands of his hair, and his boyfriend, offering his body for possession.

Ryou would normally ask "are you sure?" or forewarn Atem of the emotional ramifications, but he doesn't this time.

"Be a shade."

Very well then. He'll be a fucking shade.

An intangible hand raises, presses itself to Atem's chest, moving through the other monster's hand to do so. Shortly after that contact is made, the rest of Ryou follows, slipping in like smoke caught in an exhaust vent, finding a home within Atem's body.

He feels...small. Like he's hiding in a corner, rather than spreading out.

But no matter how small he feels, the emotions border on overwhelming. Ryou can't even feel Atem's, he's too lost in his own.

Anger. Insignificance. Frustration. Wrong. WRONG!

Vengeance. Make everyone pay.]

Edited (lil tiny addition) 2022-03-09 20:44 (UTC)

[He stumbles back.

It's a lot. It's so much. It makes Atem breathe, like he does when he's feeling something he can't entirely contain, when he needs to center himself in his body, regulate what he's feeling in his body and in his heart.

Atem's back hits Ryou's door, the tendrils sprawling out behind him. He hasn't removed his hand from his own chest. He breathes, in and out, sitting with the anger, with the drive to avenge-fix-right burning under his skin like lit gasoline.]

--hhhhaaaaa--

[He grips his own face, holding himself by both sides, thumbs under his jaw, fingers spread over his cheeks. He murmurs, no more than a whisper, again and again, to them both:]

I know, I know, I know I know I know I know I know--

[Ryou doesn't speak much, doesn't assert himself in this possession. He just feels, and therefore makes Atem feel. It feels like he's curled around Atem's heart, like a snake that just wants to be loved and cared for but still manages to coil around its owner's arm and cut the circulation off.

This is what it means to be a shade. To be horrid and awful and full of spite.

Not all the time...but with growing frequency, Ryou gets caught in this exact feedback loop. And eventually, between Atem's words, he mutters his own, rasped quietly past Atem's lips.]

They don't.

They will.

[Atem's fingers start to trace little circles in place, on the soft, if not quite alive, skin. His tendrils pick themselves up and off the door, and wind around Atem's chest and waist.]

You're getting stronger all the time. It's secret, for now...but not forever.

[Ryou does derive some level of comfort from what Atem is doing, but he still doesn't feel calm about any of this.]

I wanted to help... but I can't. Because...s-somehow I messed it up...

[How does he always mess it up? He just wanted to be a good shade mentor while he was stuck home.]

[The laptop is right over there.

Atem can guess at least some of what it is that's bothering Ryou...]

Is it that...?

[A tentacle pokes in the direction of the machine.]

[Ryou reflexively looks over at the laptop, and there's a coil of superhot rage that is so very unlike Ryou that it's probably jarring. As if the rest of it wasn't.

...He doesn't say anything. But that's almost answer enough.]

[A tentacle stretches out, further than it's stretched before...

...and slams it shut.

It's cathartic for Atem at the very least, and his hands slide further down his own neck, firm and reassuring.]

Forget about it.

You didn't mess anything up. It was the people who came after you that did, asking you for things you didn't owe them and frightening the new people needlessly with worst-case scenarios.

[Lila. He's talking about Lila -- mostly.

He takes a deep breath in, then lets it out, tilting his head back against the door, looking up at the ceiling.]

Listen to me. You don't owe anyone your help -- or an explanation of the pain you've been through, so that they're not alone in feeling bad about their weaknesses.

[Definitely Lila this time.]

Let the other monsters figure it out on their own, this time. You worry about you...

[One hand drifts down to just below his collarbone, resting lightly against his chest, as though he could keep Ryou there with the touch.]

...it's our turn, to worry about us.

[The sound of the laptop being shut so forcefully...is actually somewhat cathartic for Ryou as well. It helps that Atem's feelings are starting to bleed into his own, and that he's being touched. Comforted.

Even though it's basically just Atem holding himself...Ryou feels as if he's being hugged and touched.

He glances up, because that's the way their head's moving, and he listens. It's easy to let Atem talk, to hear the voice echo in their head in a way that's different, because hearing someone's voice from the outside is one thing, hearing it from the inside seems to have a different resonance to it. It's how Atem hears himself, huh...

Most importantly though...he gets it. He understands why it's hard for Ryou. He'd just been trying to extend an olive branch, and yet...it had been snatched from his fingers, thrown to the ground, stamped and spit on.

But Atem knows.]

I didn't want to hurt Lila. I know...she's important to people.

[Ryou just wants to feel important to people too, sometimes. But...he doesn't.

The thought of it makes him feel very, very lonely. But he fights that by taking control of one of Atem's hands, running fingers through his--their--hair.]

I'm sorry that I jumped into you like this. I'm sorry for what I said before I did. I just...nnh. I just felt...like who I am, what I can do...it just makes people angry. And it made me angry.

[He's still angry, but that layer is peeling back, revealing more of his loneliness and self-doubt, rather than the bitter, unforgiving part of him that's powered by his monster type.]

I want to be.

[There's no anger, about what was said, about jumping into Atem's body -- I told you to, didn't I? And some of the tension Atem's holding relaxes as his hand runs through his hair.]

You're not responsible for anything that's said, that's not said by you...

[There's a flicker of pain, just a drop in the full bucket of Ryou's emotions, a contributing sadness.]

It's easier to predict an enemy than a friend. And, when it goes wrong...you can only learn, and adjust.

[But, back to business...]

I like Lila. She's a good friend to have. But she's not what I'd call a reasonable person! She puts her difficulties on others, sometimes, and she's bold enough to not be embarrassed about it, or stop...

[And she's had a lot of difficulties. Like them all.]

So, don't worry too much about her. You did the right thing, talking back. You have as much right to be, how you want to be, as anyone else, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

[Hah...is he preaching Fog doctrine? He might be, by accident...but, if it's what Ryou needs to hear, then...]

Don't let what was said on the network get into your head. You should -- what was it Cairo said...? -- "Touch grass."

Edited 2022-03-10 14:01 (UTC)

[Touch grass?

Ryou's been listening to everything Atem says and he takes it on board, understands that Lila is only lashing out because she's...jealous? Of Ryou? That's almost stretching credulity, even if Ryou can touch things.

But he has to ask:]

What do you mean...touch grass? Does that mean...forget about this?

[He doesn't think he can. It's settled in his heart and soul like a poison, just like Gabriel Morgenstern had. He wants to tell Atem how exhausting it is, feeling like people just don't like him, over things he can't control.

But that, he doesn't say.]

It means, don't let words on the network be bigger than they are. Go out and experience something else, until they don't feel as important.

I know it's hard, with your energy low...but it won't be that way forever!

[It can't. This game wouldn't make any PC unplayable.]

There's a party being thrown by a friend of mine this weekend. Beat -- the one that's teaching me how to snowboard. Want to come?

[Right...right.

Don't let it be worse than it is. That's right.

Ryou draws in a long, deep breath, then exhales it slowly, softly from their mouth. He has to be calm.

(he is not calm. atem can probably feel how not calm he is)

He just has to bring it in. Close it all up and be okay. Just pull it in...don't think about how what was said hurt. It's not important. It's not the main focus.]

...A party. This weekend?

[Ryou has to think about it...but he can't think about it like this. So...

Slowly, reluctantly, he slips out of Atem and reconstitutes as a shadow. He's not solid right at the moment, just a black amalgamation with sad, half-lidded eyes. He doesn't go solid yet because he feels...selfish. All the other shades struggle with it, and he's just insulted so many of them. He doesn't deserve it.]

I won't be able to do much partying in my current state. Are you certain you want me to go?

[ He doesn't push her. He doesn't try to explain how he sees it. Doesn't try to counter her.

Because it's personal. It's so incredibly personal, and he recognizes that. For a moment, Riley's stunned. Talking about the Fog never goes well, after all.

Still, as she snaps herself back to attention, she shakes her head. ]

Just 'cause I hate her doesn't mean I like Elias, either. I do not get involved with creepy, manipulative teenage boys who cyberbully people on the internet.

Of course I want you to go. But only if you want to go.

You've got time to decide...if the day comes and you're not up for it, I won't put the chain on your collar and make you!

But, if you get there, and you want a break before it's over...you can always rest in my heart.

[Ryou still looks pretty down on himself...but that still makes him smile, just barely.]

When you say things like that...it reminds me even more why I love you, Atem. Just about every thing you do...it makes me fond of you.

[Suddenly, he draws in a sharp breath, and the light of his eyes extinguishes as he squeezes them shut. Why does it still hurt? His most important person juts told him that he could possess him if he got tired. They just spent time together trying to forget terrible things...

So why does Ryou want to cry?

His eyes open again, sad little half-circles at best, and he looks over towards the other monster.]

...A-Atem, can you...do me a favor? Please?

Anything. What do you want?

[Ryou wouldn't ask him for anything he wasn't willing to do. Atem's confident in that. The trust is absolute.]

Mmnh...bite me.

[He extends a hand out, allowing for just that part of him to grow solid, and he settles his fingers on one of Atem's thighs. Selfish, terrible. Even now, he's lording his powers over everyone else, isn't he?

But no. He wants those thoughts to go away.]

If you're okay with it...I just want to be calm.

[With anyone else, a request like that might be odd, but...

...Atem just nods. He doesn't mind using his bite as a sedative, he's done it twice before, and this time isn't different. Ryou needs out of his own head, and he's too weak to do anything strenuous. It's like massaging the knots out of someone's shoulder: comforting, romanric with the right person person, a skill he is fortunate enough to have.

So, he gestures with his hand, beckoning Ryou to move in.]

Come here. In close. I'll do it.

[He's got to fight down an involuntary response, though, formed from long habit, when Ryou asks to be bitten. Now's not the time, it's just a flicker, easy to tamp down. He's good. Don't worry.]

Edited (Incredible typo but I'm not leaving it ) 2022-03-11 06:03 (UTC)

IC inbox

After going off on the network (3/5 or 6, idk. vague handwiggle)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw; possession

possession ongoing!!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.