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knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message. | ||||
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A cloud of mist slips under and around the door. It passes through the air, around the floating items, and settles into the space around Ryou, swirling around him slowly.]
Talk to me. What is it?
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Do you think I'll hurt you? Is that why you're staying this way? You don't have to be afraid, I'm not any kind of authority on being a shade. I'm hardly enough of a shade to be giving advice!
[Another item slams against the door, before clattering against the wall.]
Maybe I should stay like this. Forever. That's only fair, right? The suffering of others...I should suffer it too.
[He knows it's dramatic. But he's angry, so angry, and he can't stop it.]
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[But, if Ryou does hit him with one of the things in his orbit, he'll regret it, and feel worse...
He has an idea. Tendrils manifest first, reaching out around Ryou, not touching him if he's not solid but making a frame around him. Then, he steps out of the mist, putting a hand on his own chest.]
Possess me.
Go on. Be a shade.
cw; possession
But that thought doesn't stick--because Atem doesn't do things to show off, and Ryou knows it. It starts to break through the anger, just a bit, like someone chipping away at a glacier with an icepick.
The items floating in the air stop dead when Atem offers himself to Ryou, however. It's as if someone's hit the pause button on the world, and the only thing that's alive is those big white eyes of his, the undulating strands of his hair, and his boyfriend, offering his body for possession.
Ryou would normally ask "are you sure?" or forewarn Atem of the emotional ramifications, but he doesn't this time.
"Be a shade."
Very well then. He'll be a fucking shade.
An intangible hand raises, presses itself to Atem's chest, moving through the other monster's hand to do so. Shortly after that contact is made, the rest of Ryou follows, slipping in like smoke caught in an exhaust vent, finding a home within Atem's body.
He feels...small. Like he's hiding in a corner, rather than spreading out.
But no matter how small he feels, the emotions border on overwhelming. Ryou can't even feel Atem's, he's too lost in his own.
Anger. Insignificance. Frustration. Wrong. WRONG!
Vengeance. Make everyone pay.]
possession ongoing!!
It's a lot. It's so much. It makes Atem breathe, like he does when he's feeling something he can't entirely contain, when he needs to center himself in his body, regulate what he's feeling in his body and in his heart.
Atem's back hits Ryou's door, the tendrils sprawling out behind him. He hasn't removed his hand from his own chest. He breathes, in and out, sitting with the anger, with the drive to avenge-fix-right burning under his skin like lit gasoline.]
--hhhhaaaaa--
[He grips his own face, holding himself by both sides, thumbs under his jaw, fingers spread over his cheeks. He murmurs, no more than a whisper, again and again, to them both:]
I know, I know, I know I know I know I know I know--
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This is what it means to be a shade. To be horrid and awful and full of spite.
Not all the time...but with growing frequency, Ryou gets caught in this exact feedback loop. And eventually, between Atem's words, he mutters his own, rasped quietly past Atem's lips.]
They don't.
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[Atem's fingers start to trace little circles in place, on the soft, if not quite alive, skin. His tendrils pick themselves up and off the door, and wind around Atem's chest and waist.]
You're getting stronger all the time. It's secret, for now...but not forever.
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I wanted to help... but I can't. Because...s-somehow I messed it up...
[How does he always mess it up? He just wanted to be a good shade mentor while he was stuck home.]
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Atem can guess at least some of what it is that's bothering Ryou...]
Is it that...?
[A tentacle pokes in the direction of the machine.]
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...He doesn't say anything. But that's almost answer enough.]
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...and slams it shut.
It's cathartic for Atem at the very least, and his hands slide further down his own neck, firm and reassuring.]
Forget about it.
You didn't mess anything up. It was the people who came after you that did, asking you for things you didn't owe them and frightening the new people needlessly with worst-case scenarios.
[Lila. He's talking about Lila -- mostly.
He takes a deep breath in, then lets it out, tilting his head back against the door, looking up at the ceiling.]
Listen to me. You don't owe anyone your help -- or an explanation of the pain you've been through, so that they're not alone in feeling bad about their weaknesses.
[Definitely Lila this time.]
Let the other monsters figure it out on their own, this time. You worry about you...
[One hand drifts down to just below his collarbone, resting lightly against his chest, as though he could keep Ryou there with the touch.]
...it's our turn, to worry about us.
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Even though it's basically just Atem holding himself...Ryou feels as if he's being hugged and touched.
He glances up, because that's the way their head's moving, and he listens. It's easy to let Atem talk, to hear the voice echo in their head in a way that's different, because hearing someone's voice from the outside is one thing, hearing it from the inside seems to have a different resonance to it. It's how Atem hears himself, huh...
Most importantly though...he gets it. He understands why it's hard for Ryou. He'd just been trying to extend an olive branch, and yet...it had been snatched from his fingers, thrown to the ground, stamped and spit on.
But Atem knows.]
I didn't want to hurt Lila. I know...she's important to people.
[Ryou just wants to feel important to people too, sometimes. But...he doesn't.
The thought of it makes him feel very, very lonely. But he fights that by taking control of one of Atem's hands, running fingers through his--their--hair.]
I'm sorry that I jumped into you like this. I'm sorry for what I said before I did. I just...nnh. I just felt...like who I am, what I can do...it just makes people angry. And it made me angry.
[He's still angry, but that layer is peeling back, revealing more of his loneliness and self-doubt, rather than the bitter, unforgiving part of him that's powered by his monster type.]
I want to be.
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You're not responsible for anything that's said, that's not said by you...
[There's a flicker of pain, just a drop in the full bucket of Ryou's emotions, a contributing sadness.]
It's easier to predict an enemy than a friend. And, when it goes wrong...you can only learn, and adjust.
[But, back to business...]
I like Lila. She's a good friend to have. But she's not what I'd call a reasonable person! She puts her difficulties on others, sometimes, and she's bold enough to not be embarrassed about it, or stop...
[And she's had a lot of difficulties. Like them all.]
So, don't worry too much about her. You did the right thing, talking back. You have as much right to be, how you want to be, as anyone else, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.
[Hah...is he preaching Fog doctrine? He might be, by accident...but, if it's what Ryou needs to hear, then...]
Don't let what was said on the network get into your head. You should -- what was it Cairo said...? -- "Touch grass."
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Ryou's been listening to everything Atem says and he takes it on board, understands that Lila is only lashing out because she's...jealous? Of Ryou? That's almost stretching credulity, even if Ryou can touch things.
But he has to ask:]
What do you mean...touch grass? Does that mean...forget about this?
[He doesn't think he can. It's settled in his heart and soul like a poison, just like Gabriel Morgenstern had. He wants to tell Atem how exhausting it is, feeling like people just don't like him, over things he can't control.
But that, he doesn't say.]
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I know it's hard, with your energy low...but it won't be that way forever!
[It can't. This game wouldn't make any PC unplayable.]
There's a party being thrown by a friend of mine this weekend. Beat -- the one that's teaching me how to snowboard. Want to come?
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Don't let it be worse than it is. That's right.
Ryou draws in a long, deep breath, then exhales it slowly, softly from their mouth. He has to be calm.
(he is not calm. atem can probably feel how not calm he is)
He just has to bring it in. Close it all up and be okay. Just pull it in...don't think about how what was said hurt. It's not important. It's not the main focus.]
...A party. This weekend?
[Ryou has to think about it...but he can't think about it like this. So...
Slowly, reluctantly, he slips out of Atem and reconstitutes as a shadow. He's not solid right at the moment, just a black amalgamation with sad, half-lidded eyes. He doesn't go solid yet because he feels...selfish. All the other shades struggle with it, and he's just insulted so many of them. He doesn't deserve it.]
I won't be able to do much partying in my current state. Are you certain you want me to go?
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You've got time to decide...if the day comes and you're not up for it, I won't put the chain on your collar and make you!
But, if you get there, and you want a break before it's over...you can always rest in my heart.
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When you say things like that...it reminds me even more why I love you, Atem. Just about every thing you do...it makes me fond of you.
[Suddenly, he draws in a sharp breath, and the light of his eyes extinguishes as he squeezes them shut. Why does it still hurt? His most important person juts told him that he could possess him if he got tired. They just spent time together trying to forget terrible things...
So why does Ryou want to cry?
His eyes open again, sad little half-circles at best, and he looks over towards the other monster.]
...A-Atem, can you...do me a favor? Please?
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[Ryou wouldn't ask him for anything he wasn't willing to do. Atem's confident in that. The trust is absolute.]
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[He extends a hand out, allowing for just that part of him to grow solid, and he settles his fingers on one of Atem's thighs. Selfish, terrible. Even now, he's lording his powers over everyone else, isn't he?
But no. He wants those thoughts to go away.]
If you're okay with it...I just want to be calm.
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...Atem just nods. He doesn't mind using his bite as a sedative, he's done it twice before, and this time isn't different. Ryou needs out of his own head, and he's too weak to do anything strenuous. It's like massaging the knots out of someone's shoulder: comforting, romanric with the right person person, a skill he is fortunate enough to have.
So, he gestures with his hand, beckoning Ryou to move in.]
Come here. In close. I'll do it.
[He's got to fight down an involuntary response, though, formed from long habit, when Ryou asks to be bitten. Now's not the time, it's just a flicker, easy to tamp down. He's good. Don't worry.]
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Quietly he shifts, floats closer, and the darkness melts back, features become more defined as he forces himself back to the very solidity that he'd fought to maintain. Something...something he could do. Something he couldn't live without.
His tail loosely settles against Atem's shin, and he presses their foreheads together, his eyes closed. He couldn't be any closer if he tried at this point, and this...it's where he belongs.
Here with someone who cares about him.]
I love you.
[He does. And he would whether Atem bit him or not.]
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I love you, too.
[He slides a hand up Ryou's neck, brings the other around to an arm, to support.
Tendrils wrap around Ryou'd waist, in case his legs give out.
Then, Atem moves his face away from Ryou's, lets his mouth drift over Ryou's throat. It's familiar territory now, he knows every inch by feel, and he finds one of the usual places with unhurried gentleness. He opens his mouth, slow enough to be a caress, then bites down. Twin fangs break the skin with care, with only the violence that can't be avoided, prying their way into a vein, permitted instead of forced.
And, he drinks.]
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...He's too distraught to do it this time. He remains silent, letting the calming effect wash over him and mask the bad feelings with comfort.
Atem's observant enough, Ryou's sure of it. That's why he doesn't say anything, he just lets Atem continue, his body slowly relaxing. He does start to lean pretty hard after a few long moments, his eyes slipping shut.]
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...Atem stops.
He never wants to stop. But when he's feeding from a monster, it's not impossible to keep his mind, and Atem wants Ryou to stay alive, to not be weakened badly, more than he wants Ryou's blood, or even his heartbeat.
So, he pulls his teeth out of Ryou's neck as gently as he can, and holds him close and steady.]
Better?
[He asks, close by Ryou's jaw.]
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i am so sorry cw; flirting?
they're flirting,
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