knifemonopoly | IC inbox

It's hard to know what to expect at any given time when it comes to this place. And you were busy helping people, so...it's understandable, Atem.

And I don't blame you for doing it. I offered my blood to you.

[And he's fairly certain he'd do it again if he had to, even if the bite had hurt at first. Ryou just dealt poorly with pain. Though...this particular set of injuries was acclimating him to chronic pain.

...Probably not a good thing. But he's starting to grow accustomed and therefore hardened to it.]

Anyway...I do look forward to it. Eating people...it's not something I like to think about, but in the most academic sense, um. Feeding methods do interests me.

[They're getting close to the graveyard! A mist hangs over it, though not a magic one. Just your usual run-of-the-mill spooky graveyard fog, from night air cooling faster than damp warm gravedirt.]

You'd really have done okay here, changing like this, if you didn't have to feed on people, wouldn't you? Everything else about it...you just think it's interesting.

[This isn't judgmental in the least. He likes this about Ryou! Ryou likes monsters? Ryou thinks this stuff is cool? It's a god damned tragedy Ryou's been forced to kill instead of allowed to live his horror dreams. The tone is understanding, and interested.]

[Spooky graveyard fog has definitely got Ryou's attention! Yeah, this is so cool! It's like a horror movie, you know someone's gonna die here and add to the body count. It's inevitable. Don't mind him, he's just going to all but press his face against the cab window.

...Though what Atem says to him does grab his attention. How could it not? It's true. He smiles, but it's not an entirely happy one.]

It is interesting. I wouldn't have minded being a shade, I suppose, if I could just eat normal food. But, um. It's really difficult. I'm sure all monsters feel their hunger differently, but for me, it's so terrible when that emptiness hits. It's all-encompassing, like it's eating me up. Knowing that I have to destroy someone, not just kill them, in order to sate that void...it's very difficult.

[He runs his fingers over Atem's coils again, slowly. Feeling out the scales individually.]

This body killed enough people before it changed. At least with those, as hard as it was, it wasn't really me doing the killing. Eating souls to stop the hunger? That is me.

It is! But...

[Atem leans in. He winds himself around the back of Ryou's neck; possibly tickling, but not meaning to. What he means to do is, one, provide touch that keeps Ryou in the moment, and two, comfort.

The top of his little snake head presses up against the underside of Ryou's jaw.]

If you waited until it got bad, and you lost control...then, it wouldn't exactly be "you," either, right? You wouldn't make the decision to kill...because nothing that makes you you would be there. It'd just be a monster, without any direction or guidance.

You're preventing that damage. Every time you choose to eat a soul, you're doing something that's very hard, in order to keep a worse eventuality in check. Not everybody does! It never should have been asked of you...but it's working. It's an admirable thing, to do your best to hold a monster back, even when it's hard.

[Even if Ryou doesn't always do a perfect job, he's doing his best. He doesn't just leave it until he loses control when the fog comes, like Atem suspects might be happening to a friend of his...

He presses his head harder for a moment against Ryou's jaw, then lets up. A snug (snake hug). It really is unfair that Ryou has been asked to do this, forced to make that kind of decision.]

[Ryou doesn't mind Atem slipping around the back of his neck, and he minds the feel of scales under his jaw even less. He never likes talking about this. It's...as he kept saying, very difficult.

But Atem's words do help pull him back from the line of thought he's on, the self-hating rhetoric which hides just beneath the surface. It is hard to pick out a person. He always feels grateful to Atem for taking the difficulty out of that particular aspect by bringing him prey. It's hard enough for Ryou as it is, but cutting the calculus out of finding a bad person makes it easier. He trusts Atem's judgment.

And he does see the irony in that, but chooses to ignore it.]

...Thanks, Atem. It's better to think of things that way. I feel as if you always have a merciful perspective on the things I do, even if you should probably punish me for literally trespassing on people's souls.

[It's said jokingly!

...Sort of.]

[The last foot or so of Atem's tail pushes over Ryou's wrist, winding around it.]

I'd never punish someone for a terrible choice they made because they'd been forced to. Especially if they picked the option that caused the least suffering! It's like the trolley problem...if the trolley can't be stopped, the person driving it isn't necessarily evil. They're in a bad position, too!

The one who deserves punishment in that case--

[The cab grinds to a halt outside the graveyard's gates.]

--is the one who knew the trolley schedule, and tied the people to the tracks.

Edited 2021-09-01 18:22 (UTC)

...The Fog, then.

[As the cab comes to a stop, Ryou's head turns, having a look at the surroundings. This is actually...pretty cool. He knows that they have a reason for being here and that he's weird for liking graveyards, but...it was still interesting.]

Thank you. I know I already said it, but...I really am grateful. Sometimes I have a habit of getting into my own head and thinking the worst of things, so a different opinion does help.

[He tips his head a little, his own way of offering a hug at this point. He's so entwined in cobra that it's the best he can do.]

...But now it's about time we relieve our driver, I suppose. He's been very patient.

[He reaches for the door to open it, moving slow enough to allow Atem to adjust his grip. Ryou's not sure when he got so comfortable with being wrapped in this much snake, but it's not bad. It's comforting.]

[Atem does not waste time on thoughts like not wanting to let go, or if Ryou had both his feet he wouldn't mind just being carried into the graveyard. He's not that kind of person! He lets them roll over him and off his back, and when the door's open, he slithers out and changes back.

He pays the driver and thanks him for his time, and the driver, a little pale from the subject of conversation, burns rubber as soon as both monsters are out of his car.]

...ah, I suppose we made him uncomfortable...

[Ryou takes his time getting out, since he doesn't really have much of a choice in it, then waits for Atem to pay the driver. He awkwardly toys with a lock of his hair, because he feels bad.]

W-well, he probably doesn't want to hear about how monsters feed, or deal with their problems. I can certainly understand that.

[He glances at the gates to the graveyard, then hops forward a little so that he can examine it. He's...not going to linger on the feelings of a cabbie who he might not even see anymore, or else it's just going to make this trip more somber than it already was. They weren't here for Ryou.

They were here for Steve. Nonetheless...he'll make it as easy as he can.]

So I guess we go in then? I'm surprised I never thought to come here on my own. Exploring Ryslig was something I'd wanted to do, but with the things that usually happen, I haven't had time to do so.

[He nods! He'll unlatch the gate, it isn't even locked, and brace himself on the fence to drag it open far enough that they can both make it through. It'd be harder without monster strength, so he doesn't even sound winded as he talks through it:]

I found it by accident! I knew what it was, since I'd seen people talk about it on the network, but I'd never asked where it was actually located...

[Aaand he's back over to Ryou -- if Ryou wants, Atem will get a shade-arm slung over his shoulder to support him on the way in. It's misty and damp, you might even call it dank and mysterious, but Atem feels the familiar sense of peace as he slithers through the open gate. Some of the graves are messy and have wild-growing plants around them, while other headstones are clean and show clear signs that people have visited.

....there's a lot of names.]

[Ryou watches Atem push open the gate with a mild interest. Guess you don't really need legs to hold you in place if you're bottom heavy, heh.

Once Atem gets closer, Ryou takes a moment to consider whether he does want to lean on Atem. He's...been really familiar with the other teen this whole time, and part of his brain is reminding him that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't be an almost constant fixture.

Then he remembers that Atem had recently been coiled around him like a living rope, and he doesn't feel so bad settling his arm over Atem's shoulder and using him for balance as they walk in.]

The atmosphere is...not quite what I expected.

[Now that they're in, he feels oddly calmed. Ryou likes creepy things, but the further they move, the odder it is that he's so chill about it. Hmm...maybe it is just because he likes zombies and gruesome things after all.

At any rate, he gazes at the graves, taking in the ones he can read.

None of the names are familiar. He wouldn't have expected it to be so easy, like Steve's name would just be front and center for them. But he hopes it's a good omen...if you could even call it that. "Hey good news, he's not permanently dead!"

What a depressing thought...]

I wonder if this is strictly a monster graveyard? Do you think the humans bury their dead here too?

[He gives Ryou a sideways, pleased look. Isn't it? It's nice, right? But Atem doesn't answer out loud. Instead, they make their way along the first row of graves, toward a little monument that has some benches by it, and he responds to the second part.]

I doubt it. It's a macabre thought, but if a human brought a body here, they'd have to know monsters come by a lot...I doubt whoever it was would stay undisturbed.

Actually, I heard a rumor that most human graveyards are picked pretty clean...the early monsters who came here tried that. They ate the dead. Now, there's not many corpses left...

[Ryou smiles mildly when Atem gives him that look, because it makes him feel warm. That's the power of friendship, apparently. Yeah...friendship...

When they approach the monument, Ryou does kind of slow down. He doesn't want to sit, they just got here, but a break wouldn't be terrible...he just wants to stay put, lean on Atem and kind of catch his breath.]

You're right, that is macabre. However...better the dead than the living. I don't think the bodies should be disturbed, but we all walk a fine line of acceptances to exist. Even the people in Bavan, friendly as they are, have to turn their eyes from certain things if it means they can live another day...right?

[He lets out a soft exhale, but he doesn't feel overly somber. He feels...accepting. Ryou really has no idea why he's willing to accept things as they are suddenly. There's no point in overthinking, maybe? Is he having a cathartic moment?]

The capacity to adapt that we all share is...a little frightening.

[Friendship. Yep. It's because of friendship that, when Atem found this place, the first thing he thought was, Ryou would like it here, and considered the advantages of telling Ryou how he felt about him in a place where it was harder than usual to feel anxious.

But it's fine. Even with that plan out the window thanks to Steve, Atem's still affected by the atmosphere; he's more at ease, too, now that he's here. He'll have to search for Steve's name, but the need to do it isn't quite as pressing...he's not quite as death-grip-on-his-own-life terrified that if he doesn't check right away, something bad will happen. Atem can understand the truth, that whether he checks now or in a minute or two won't change the result, and he can wait.]

That's a good way to put it. We all walk a fine line of acceptances in order to exist...there's the things we have to live with, the things we choose to live with, and the things we choose to fight against. We can't fight against everything...so, what we choose to fight, we've got to make that count!

[He's gonna settle them down on a seat. They can both take a break. Atem can get his head on straight, steel himself for the graveyard check.]

And it's different for everyone. You've been fighting for a place in the world all this time...you might not be the best at floating through walls, but it does mean you're probably the best shade out there at being corporeal!

[He nudges Ryou with a shoulder, companionably. Which is possible, because of Ryou's hard work.]

That's a skill you've worked hard on.

You have a nice way of putting everything. H-heh heh...maybe you could pick up a side-job as a motivational speaker.

[Joke? Maybe...but there's some truth to it. Atem's good at hyping people up, making them believe in themselves. He'd probably do great speaking to groups, if he wanted. All that confidence, sharing words of encouragement and wisdom.

When Atem guides them both into a seat, Ryou acquiesces. It's fine if Atem wants to sit. Ryou isn't going to rail against it--he simply didn't want to be the one to slow his friend down here. But it's peaceful, for a graveyard. So when they sit, Ryou doesn't feel very shy when it comes to leaning against Atem.

He...doesn't have to anymore, but he wants to. It's nice. Comforting. And it gives him something to focus on when he's complimented like that. He feels the heat rise to his cheeks, knows it's obvious that he's blushing, but for once, he doesn't overthink it.]

...Thank you. It, um. Means a lot to me that you think I'm good at it. I really do try.

[It drains him faster, it makes him tired quicker...but as long as someone knows that he's trying, that's all that matters. And hey, he isn't terrible at floating through walls, but his stopgap has always been the propriety of being corporeal.]

You too though. You've been around a bit less than me, and you're already a master of two monsters, Atem. You can do so many cool things as a vampire. Shifting into a bat, flying, moving so fast...it's impressive. And as a naga, you came into your powers as well, even if it's not forever. You helped me, by petrifying me. I don't think that anyone would think that fast on their feet except you.

[He smiles, a dopey little turn of the lips. He's fond of Atem, would happily compliment him for a while.]

[It's so comfortable, sitting here and talking. Atem doesn't mind the contact at all...he doesn't freak out, worrying about whether it's going to make Ryou feel led-on, or hurt because he thinks Atem doesn't like him, which is a possibility he's aware of now, whether now's the time after all to tell Ryou how he feels, or whether it's not a good idea for Atem to have something like that when he knows he's got work to do, when he needs to help Yugi...

Nah. All those spinning wheels drift to a stop. Instead, he and Ryou can just sit quietly together, for a moment.]

Ah...it's just that it's easy to see what my friends are good at. It's worth telling them! Especially when they're feeling down.

And, as for monster powers...mastering them isn't always easy! But, thanks to Spengler's guide, I've got a good idea of what I should be able to do. It's just a matter of figuring out how! And remembering what's available, when things are bad.

[The more powers he masters, the more moves are available to Atem in a crisis. Monster types really are kind of like Monster World classes...they have things they're suited to, and things they aren't, and you can make them do things they're not meant for, but it isn't easy, and takes dedication and focus...but, if you ~~minmax~~ know their strengths, and play to them, then you can operate effectively in the setting.]

It's nice. Many of us spend a lot of time feeling down, so a kind reminder is a really great gift. That's why you have s-sooooo--

[He yawns, he can't stop it no matter how hard he tries, and it looks silly, the way his upper lip pulls back to reveal his honestly ridiculous pointed teeth.]

S...sorry. I meant to say...that's why you have so many friends here.

[Ryou feels bad that he yawned so loudly near Atem, but he really couldn't help it. He's so tired...so exhausted, really. Moving around so much had been arduous, even with the taxis.]

I think maybe...I should practice some of my powers. I'm good at some shade things, but I could do better. Possession...would probably be useful if I could find a way to do it right.

[aka not hurt people. He hates hurting people so much.]

[Yes. Atem agrees with that. They're already in so much danger, regularly...if Ryou's basic needs are taken care of, and he doesn't have to prioritize survival and sanity, mastering what he can do is smart.

...

...

Possession...

He thinks a moment.

Atem doesn't offer this lightly. After May...he wanted to be alone in his mind for a good long time. But this place has him calm, and he's had time to settle back into his own body, to let some of the mental wounds heal. Especially in this graveyard, it's easy to not be afraid.

So, after a heavy pause, he says, quietly, looking ahead:]

If you need someone to practice that on...then, it's all right with me. As long as terms are set, first...I think I could do it.

[This isn't like the times he'd suggested it before. Those times, Atem had been lonely in his own mind, and had been seeking something, anything, to ease the empty space where someone else should be. Now, he isn't looking for that. Not anymore. After the hydra, he's grown more careful, more comfortable with his own company. He's okay living as one person.

But, if Ryou needs someone to practice on, Atem finds himself willing to help. After all, Ryou shared blood with Atem when he needed it, and while Atem doesn't feel like that's a debt that needs repaying, not at all, it means that...helping each other with monster stuff is okay.

Ryou trusted that Atem wouldn't kill him, even in a fog form.

And Atem trusts that Ryou would respect agreed-on boundaries during possession practice.]

[Ryou hears Atem say that and for a while...he's not sure what the hell to say to it. He'd only meant it as an aside, never to try and get Atem to offer himself for possession. Ryou...had been in his body before. Back during Monster Bingo, and he'd accidentally taken some of that loneliness into himself, the feeling of being empty.

Then...he'd taken Atem's anguish during his death. All of his negative feelings...they'd gone to Ryou before snuffing out his emotions.

Ryou Bakura is tired. He is hazy still, from his medication, and the calm of the graveyard doesn't really help with it. But he is not so out of it that he can't realize the gravity of what he's being offered.

...He has to remember. He must remember to keep his face impassive, his heartbeat even, although Atem isn't as likely to hear it as a naga, he's certain. He has to keep his feelings platonic, which is increasingly difficult with the way Atem's opening up to him.

He doesn't have time for this. He doesn't have time for me muddying our friendship with feelings like that.

And still...he feels very touched by it. His ears seem to stand up straighter, barely twitching, but less out of excitement than just a feeling of...surprise?]

Y-you would...let me? If you say it's alright, then it's alright, b-but if you ever change your mind on it...you don't have to. Plus, I...I have a hard time controlling whether I'm taking pain during possession so I might, um. I might leech your negative emotions again. It wouldn't be on purpose, but...

[He stops, because he's not going to sit here and ramble at Atem. No, no. He has to keep it together!]

I...really do appreciate your trust. If it's okay...maybe sometime in the future. O-of course if you need any help with your abilities, I can lend a hand. N-no problem.

It is all right. I shouldn't let you possess me if I'm feeling bad anyway --

[He's learned a thing or two. He won't let Ryou in if he's uncertain or uncomfortable. This is only going to happen if Atem is feeling alright with it at the time. He won't force it, and he's not looking to fill the space someone else's absence has left.]

-- so, taking my negative emotions shouldn't be a problem.

[That space doesn't hurt as much, anymore. The more memories Atem makes here, the less empty he feels. He's still not whole, but...it's something he can live with, without trying to fix.]

Maybe not, but...if you wanted to, you could. I know we're agreed that I shouldn't take your pain without permission, but I would if you needed me to.

[That was...probably a bad thing to say.]

I'm sorry, that was a foolish thing to say, wasn't it? Erm...I just...want to be helpful.

[Ryou stops talking and goes back to leaning, and there's a nearly imperceptible shift in his solidity--just for a moment, he kind of flickers a bit more opaque. It won't be painful, but it definitely happened.

He doesn't want to make it awkward. He just wants to lean and let the sides of their heads make contact so he can forget everything. Don't be weird, Ryou. Just...accept things...relax...

He closes his eyes, vaguely dreading the response his words might draw out.]

...

[They're leaning, so Ryou will feel a little headshake.]

I don't want to let you into my mind, if I'm not already comfortable. If it's making me think about what happened in May, or if I have any other misgivings...then, it's not a good time to do that to myself.

That's what I mean.

[He knows Ryou wants to help. But no temporary pain-sharing is going to make Atem heal from what happened with the parasite any faster, or fix it if he isn't ready. Ryou might dull it for a while, but if his body moving without his consent does the same thing to Atem that smelling burning flesh does, then...

...then it'll get bad again as soon as the shade ability wears off. It's no good at all to force it.]

I understand.

[He gets it. Trying to fix something that wasn't his business to mess with was wrong, especially if he couldn't make it stick. And he doesn't want to make Atem think about things like this too hard, because that's just not fair. He's been through so much, and May was...very tough on him, to put it in simplest terms. So...Ryou deflects the topic entirely by...of all things, brushing his hand against Atem's forearm.

He wants to loop his arm around Atem's, but absolutely platonically. Yeah...]

I have other things I could practice anyway.

[It's said faintly, like he's on the verge of another yawn. Why is he so sleepy?]

Things that don't have the chance of hurting...or messing things up. Like...invisibility. Or maybe motor control with my tendrils.

[Steve dying is terrible for many reasons.

One of them is making going to this graveyard bad romantic timing. Ugh. Atem wants to tell Ryou, wants to tell him more and more the less anxious about it all this graveyard makes him, but he can't! He can't bring himself to!

Damn it, he thinks, as Ryou brushes his arm, and they lean on each other. This really is incredibly stupid.]

That's a good idea! If I'm not up for having somebody else in my mind that day, there are plenty of abilities you could put to use, if you're good at them. Shades have a power set that's hard to stop!

If they weren't, there'd be fewer power-flickers every time Miss Zacharov on the seventh floor has a temper flare.

[He might be a little more distant than a moment ago. This might be a touch automatic. He's thinking about how the sides of their arms are touching, and experiencing grief and frustration. The anger doesn't come out in its true form; it's just the hint that Atem might be thinking about something else that's off.]

[Ryou is so close to falling asleep. Soooo close. But something about the way Atem's speaking sounds like an opposing force to the relaxing nature of their surroundings. And because Ryou is an insufferable worrywart when it comes to other people, especially Atem...he straightens up.

His hair's a little messy where he had been leaning, so he reaches a hand up and straightens his bangs out before trying to mentally clear out the fuzz of sleep that had been overtaking him.

They...they were here for a reason. Ryou had forgotten, and it had probably upset Atem that he couldn't move around. He couldn't just sit here with Ryou when they'd spent all this time getting to the graveyard just to look for Steve's name!

Stupid...stupid stupid Ryou. Stop wasting time. He's sure that's what's going on. He's sure of it!]

Hmm...that's her then? I didn't realize that was a thing shades could do. I suppose I still have plenty to learn, don't I?

[He glances at Atem, as if trying to gauge his expression...then realizes that doesn't matter, they have a job to do.]

Hey...d-did you want to get back to looking around? If we keep sitting, I'm liable to fall asleep and I know we had something to do.

[Honesty is the best policy, right?]

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.