knifemonopoly | IC inbox

[ Alright. Okay, then, a little nervous, she leads the way, out of the bunker and into the sky. She just kind of assumes they'll be flying, because flying is how she gets around, especially since her wing regrew. She makes sure Atem can keep up, however, checking back periodically. It's possible she flies a little slower than she normally would, despite herstrong impetus to find something that works.

She's nervous. Nervous, and maybe a little ashamed that she needs this.

They land outside the Persephone Orphanage at a convenient time, as Kajsa's just getting home from school. The girl's fifteen, with brown-orange hair and a serious expression. Upon seeing Riley, it relaxes, just a little...but the sight of another, unfamiliar monster hardens her once more. ]

Hey. It's okay. He's a friend. Kajsa, this is Atem. Atem, Kajsa.

[ After a moment, she greets him, though it's somewhat lackluster. ] "...Hi."

[A clawed hand lifts in greeting, from where he's landed behind Riley and to the side, arms folded, relaxed -- she's in charge, he's here to help, but not put any further pressure on anyone. He doesn't respond with hostility or overt friendliness -- he's not trying to win her over, doesn't expect anything from her, just replies with a casual--]

Yo.

[(He kept up fine at flight, but her bird wings could've outstripped his bat ones if she was trying.)]

[ One somewhat awkward introduction later… No, this is fine. They’re doing fine. Riley lowers her voice. ]

I was hoping to see you. We need… Well, I’d like to ask you a few…questions, if that’s okay? About…school.

[ And Kajsa’s eyebrow raises, slowly. She studies both of them, quizzical. ] “Why school?”

Well. [ Riley lowers her voice more. ] It’s not really something, uh, that…can be talked about, right…out in the open, you know… More like…a secret, or- something like…we talked about the night we met.

[ And just like that, understanding dawns on her face. ] “Oh. …Not my brother?” [ The tone is…warning. Almost possessive. ]

No. I promised, after all.

[ Kajsa nods, and then she just…starts walking, expecting they follow. Riley does almost instantly, despite being older and, well, a monster. ]

“I know a place.”

[ That’s all the explanation given, and it’s all the explanation Riley needs, as Kajsa leads the two down a few blocks, to a more empty part of town. The Persephone Orphanage is still the nicest building in blocks…and it seems some business owners gave up trying to renovate or set down roots. It’s made for a nice little hangout area, for some local teens.

The building in particular that Kajsa leads them to is some kind of old strip mall store, no remnants of whatever used to be there. Around back, jiggle the knob… Riley isn’t about to ask what the other girl does here; a lifetime of Bavanian memories has told her, sometimes the teenagers of Ryslig have some weird coping mechanisms. But Kajsa gets her schoolwork done, she helps every so often with the younger kids. As the oldest of the orphans, she most definitely has her own life…and Riley knows she’s not exactly one to be lecturing, so long as she seems safe. ]

[Atem's hooves clip lightly along behind them. This kid...she's not far from his age at all. Would they have known each other, he wonders, if he were Adam?

He doesn't bat an eye at the stripped-down strip mall hideout. Even if he were inclined to comment, he's following Riley's lead. This is her investigation, not his. Atem does note this down as a high school safehouse, though...it might be worth protecting as a location, or keeping an eye on for leads. A good place to know about.]

[ It's impossible to tell what the last business here was, but from the style of shelves, it looks to be some kind of retail. Maybe it sold chips and snacks, maybe hair products. It doesn't matter now. Kajsa leans against one of them like it's familiar and easy.

There isn't much here. The barest makings of a hideout, especially in the winter. It looks like it hasn't been lived-in for months, probably when the snow started to come.

Or...maybe when Riley started her crusade against the unfit parents of Bavan. Either or. ]

"...He teaches science. Mr. Johanssen."

[ Kajsa starts naming names once Riley takes a cautious seat on the counter. At first, her eyes drift to Atem every so often, and she's careful with her words. But as she goes on, as her voice clips the end of her sentences and her brows knit more and more together, it's like she forgets he's here. A fervor overtakes her. This one screamed at his class in a fury when one of the boys didn't want to dissect a frog, calling them all future monster food. That one made the kids who got the lowest scores on their tests stand for the whole class period, ridiculing them the whole time. This one is too friendly with his young female students.

They're disgusting. Kajsa finds them all disgusting and it's clear from how she speaks.

Riley listens. She listens intently, only looking away to take quick, shorthand notes with a sparkly glitter pen. To be honest...it almost seems like she's forgotten Atem's there as well. The two girls are, in a way, cut from the same cloth. Kajsa, of all of the kids, most connects with wanting to kill the people who've hurt you. ]

[Well, that kind of behavior is both disgusting and familiar.

Atem would have punished those teachers for that much. A hell in his own mind for one, where he'd be subjected to screams, and screams, and screams forever...a standing endurance-game, maybe with some low-set buzzsaws...

...until the sparkle of her pen catches his eye, and the corner of his mouth twitches up. It's not mocking--far from it! It's stylish.

Riley's glitter pen isn't Atem's revenge aesthetic, but by god, he respects it being hers. He also respects this hunt as hers: she's doing great on her own. Getting these teachers removed from their posts -- permanently -- will stop some of these kids from being hurt. Riley's leading; he's just fine with being a fly on the wall, especially if Kajsa's comfortable.]

[ By the time they're done, the sun has left the sky. Riley has a nice big list of people she has to investigate, with names and descriptions and places they frequent. She doesn't want to just jump on this. She thinks, perhaps...a little planning would be best, like the planning she did when looking for kids to help—but better, this time. She's not going to go after someone with a family depending on them, no matter how awful they are. She's not going to get swept up again.

She has to be smarter. She has to be better.

Kajsa, at the end of it, seems...tired, a little nervous—but also somehow lighter. She's unburdened herself, and Riley's listened. ]

Thank you, Kajsa. I appreciate you taking time like this. It's is gonna help, a lot.

[ A nice, sustainable list, of people to hunt... If she hunts, regularly, maybe it'll get out some of that aggression. Maybe she'll stop wanting to hurt people she knows.

She offers to walk Kajsa home—no, insists. It's only after this that she remembers Atem, actively, and checks: ] Is, uh- that's okay, right, if...you can come with...?

I don't mind at all!

[Good work was done today. There's a lot of people for Riley to look into...it should keep her busy for a while, it's precisely what she wants.]

It's safer to walk together, especially after dark.

[He remembers being a human in Ryslig, how scary living in Bavan could be. Even if the odds that you yourself would get picked off were low...you always knew someone who knew someone who had.]

[ Riley smiles, gratefully. She mouths a thank you, as Kajsa's collecting her backpack. If her brief surprise is anything to go off, it seems the human girl forgot Atem was there too.

It's only once they've gotten her back to the orphanage safe and sound that Riley feels she can really address Atem, in all of it. ]

Thanks for this, uhm... I'm sorry, you really didn't get to...do much...

[ It turned out all she really needed to do was ask someone close to her. Amazing. ]

That's okay. I just wanted to be sure it went well...it looks like there's a lot you can do to help.

And that girl, Kajsa -- she trusts you a lot, doesn't she? It's good that she had someone to talk to about this!

[ Riley hesitates, the almost-smile on her face somewhat awkward, somewhat sad. ]

She...was really hurting. I don't really... I made a lot of...mistakes, with all of this, but— I'm...glad...that she still feels okay to talk about this with me.

....

[He, with all of the tact of a demon, decides to stop dancing around the issue.]

Her parents were hurting her, and you killed them. Right? Her, and others?

[He's not judging her. Not in the least. Atem absolutely understands how this happened. His tone's the tone of someone who wants to know for sure: something like how you'd say, when you say gone, you mean dead, right?]

[ Her eyes drop in obvious shame. He may not be judging her, but she hasn't forgotten the feeling of it. She hasn't stopped feeling awful, not for a moment.

Riley nods. ]

That's...what I was doing. In November.

When you'd just come back, from...you know.

[He's not gonna name it.]

And you stopped, because...you couldn't keep hunting parents while also making sure the kids all got the right care. I'm sorry, Riley...that's difficult. I think you were right, to pick a new kind of target...but I know you were hurting, and I know you meant well. You want to help, right?

I stopped because I couldn't do it anymore, I—

[ It's a moment where her voice breaks, but she catches herself. It feels...wrong, to talk about this outside of this building. ]

...Don't praise me for picking a new kind of target. I didn't even...realize, just how stupid and ignorant, I... [ She sighs. No, she doesn't want to get into it. Not now. ] Yeah. I wanna help. I wanna...make sure none of them grow up like me.

[ Into a murderer who couldn't be loved. ]

[Blue-scaled brows go up.]

Do you really think it's that bad, to be like you?

[It's a little reproachful. Riley. You're being too hard on yourself.]

[ She pulls her mouth tight and taut and shrugs a little. ]

I sure haven't had a good time of it lately.

You're not your mistakes, Riley. Don't tell yourself you are! It's not true.

[His hooves clip lightly along on the pavement.]

It's okay to not want them to repeat the things you've done that you don't like...but growing up to be like you wouldn't be bad at all.

[ She bites down on her lip, very hard. He's not getting it. There's something that isn't... ]

I've had a miserable life, Atem.

[ Her mouth feels dry as she admits this. ]

I don't... I'm not even talking about all the things I did, I'm talking about all the things that happened. I had to get interdimensionally kidnapped to find any kind of family that even liked me. It...messes you up. A lot.

[ She's not looking at him. Just straight ahead, as...she tries to put some distance between them and the orphanage. ]

So. Yeah. If they're like me... If they've felt the things I've felt, I don't...want that for them.

Edited (forgot the content warnings (yes i just edited this bc i misspelled warnings)) 2022-02-14 06:38 (UTC)

[He listens, nods, sees what she's saying. It's...it really is terrible, the things she's been through. And it's not wrong, to want other people to not feel that, not experience it or its aftereffects.

But...]

There's still a difference between going through what you went through, and being like you. It left its mark on you -- I understand that. And it's good, to want to protect others from experiencing it, too.

But you're not the harm that's been done to you, either. Be careful talking about yourself like that mark, like those experiences, are all you are. If you say it too much, you'll start to believe it.

[Her specifying this...that's what he wants. That's what he means. The effect it had on her is part of her, but not all.]

[ It's...counterproductive, to dig into this. To argue. He's right. But...

She doesn't want them to grow up into her. She doesn't know what other people see in her, this hollow wreck of a girl, despite how grateful she is for them. She's stopped trying to push them away, and in her honesty...somehow they still want to love her.

And she can't reconcile it. Not with what she's done, or what she's experienced. Why, after so long, would adults finally start looking at her and seeing she needed help, when they ignored her for so long.

Why peers don't dismiss her, want to listen to her interests and don't laugh her down cruelly.

Why she's forgiven, time after time, for disappearing, lashing out, wanting, needing when that was never acceptable before.

...Why Cairo would look at what she did, how she acted, and still live in the same apartment, still offer her care and love. ]

I... [ She sighs and runs a hand through her feathered hair, messing up the ponytail and shaking free the shaggy bits that she tries to tuck behind her equally feathered ears. ]

I hear you. Okay? I do, it's just... It's a little— hard, sometimes, to- really get it.

...Sorry.

[ She is trying. But...she can't just change her whole way of thinking. Not that easily. ]

[He understands, as much as he can, that it's hard.

After all...

...how hard has it been for him to stop feeling like he has to act, to be effective for his friends, to fix the world around him so it's better, even if right is out of reach? It's caused trouble, time and again, and he feels better about it right now, but...

It's probably frustrating for the people who tell Atem "you're enough how you are," too, when his whole upbringing taught him something else. And he didn't even learn it through...well, through neglect and suffering.]

It's okay.

You don't have to be sorry, and you don't have to get it today...

...but, it wouldn't be a bad thing to consider how you talk about it. I'm not saying not to express how you feel, but...

[Lighter, with a hint of a tease to it -- his tone goes from serious and worried to friendly and warm.]

If you do put yourself down, you know I won't let you get away with it.

[ Riley remains stiff and uncomfortable, only sort of glancing at Atem. Arms crossed, jaw set.

It's...like when Steve told her not to call herself a crazy murderer, huh? Doesn't it feel awful, to talk about herself like that? Doesn't it make her feel disgusting? Yes—but she always feels like that. This is just- when it slips out, when she's so full of sharp aches and pains that it punctures her, and it leaks.

It never used to. Before, when she just pretended, so much, when she forced it all outward at everyone else with a smile that could cut diamonds. Now that smile cuts her own skin, instead, and all the sludge and poison she lives with pours forth, for everyone else to see.

Maybe part of her feels it serves them right. They want her to talk about what she feels, right? They want her to be open and honest and real, so it's for them, isn't it?

She hates that part most of all. She hates how ugly it is. How ugly all of it is.

Atem's tone lets up, warm like the sun his usual form can't go out in, and Riley's shoulders slump. She's tired. She's so tired. She hates when her friends talk like this about themselves, so she gets it—but she has to live with it. All the time. ]

...I'll try, alright? That's- all I can really do.

[ Not distant. Not defensive. Just tired. ]

[He nods, again.]

Changing how you think of yourself, when everyone's told you the same thing for so long...it's hard!

But, trying's good enough.

[And with that, he'll let the subject change!]

Seems like there are bad teachers everywhere, huh...

...Yeah.

[ Riley's bristling feathers relax...sort of. It's still not a fun topic, but it's better than herself—as long as she keeps from steering it to herself. ]

Not really surprised, honestly. There's always people who get into a profession like that for the wrong reasons.

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cw: abusive teachers, teacher/student implications

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cw: child abuse/neglect

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cw: self harm imagery in narration but no actual self harm

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.