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knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message. | ||||
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Mmhmmm. Yeah, it really is similar. [ Though it isn't vampire that she draws specific connections to, when she thinks about it. If she were being completely honest, she knows what monster this is. The fear it inspires in her. Poetic, to use something you're afraid of as your own. ]
I could get away in a hurry. Whatever he tried...I could slip out of it.
[ She raises her leg out from its position inside the roof. ]
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Still...he considers her position. She doesn't get along with the Fog, doesn't want the strings attached, but does want this one particular power.]
You don't have to keep it forever. Just until he makes whatever move he's going to make...or until the situation changes. You're not planning to advance, are you?
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[ Her voice betrays how strongly she feels about that. Insistent, disgusted at the possibility. ]
I don't... Never. She's probably not even paying attention...but I don't want her to think she's won.
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Hm. I've heard mixed reports...some people say the Fog's never asked them for anything they wouldn't do themselves, and others who've been here longer say she'll call in favors, ask us to attack her enemies.
Personally, I think she's getting more active lately. Both of the gods...Haftesal's got weapons that are effective against the fog itself, and every time it comes in, it's the same bloodthirsty broken record in my brain! As a first tier, she probably won't expect much service, but I can't discount the possibility completely that one day she'll ask you to fight for her.
But, until that happens...you can hold onto it. Wait to get rid of it until you have to.
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I won't. And...I won't let her try to make me. I'm not gonna listen to her.
[ It's not what she's been ordered or not ordered to do, for Riley. It's the lack of anything. The lack of care...except when she needs something. The circumstances, the way she acts. It's not even necessarily the acts, anymore. ]
But... She thinks one day I'll just fall in line. One day, it'll make sense. [ There's a dark look on Riley's face. Last she had it... Last Atem saw it was in her dreamworld, where she tortured her own parents to death. ] She can't think that was true. I...have to show her otherwise.
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And, he understands...this is different from how Atem feels about the Fog, where he just doesn't want to be used to inflict harm he didn't choose himself.
This is about Riley interacting with a being that has power over her, who expects her to just be the perfect doll she expects Riley to be, without listening to Riley in return, without treating her as someone who has the right to be heard, to be treated as a person, not a pet.
He nods again, firmer.]
Is there a way to get both? To keep this power, and to stick it to her? I guess there's no guarantee that a level-one pledge to Elias would give the same ability...
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Because it's personal. It's so incredibly personal, and he recognizes that. For a moment, Riley's stunned. Talking about the Fog never goes well, after all.
Still, as she snaps herself back to attention, she shakes her head. ]
Just 'cause I hate her doesn't mean I like Elias, either. I do not get involved with creepy, manipulative teenage boys who cyberbully people on the internet.
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[No, he respects that, too. Tell him how you really feel! But Atem sobers quick.]
Right...so, neither god's someone to depend on, for power.
[He'd suggest Mana, but he doesn't know how many coins she has...if she's not thought of it yet, it's probably not an option. The musical power probably cleared her out...so, are there other options? Ryslig has some magic inherent to the place. But the last time she encountered it, it went bad...]
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She will. Out of necessity, she will. ]
I don't even really want power, in a like...traditional way. I just...want him to leave me alone.
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[His face turns serious. She doesn't want power, she just wants to be left alone...
...but that's not true for Atem.]
I suppose that's why I'm keeping mine.
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You...want to stay in it? Even though it wasn't your choice?
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[Atem likes the roof. It's a good place to talk...an unseasonably warm wind is blowing over his face, playing through his hair.
Yugi's hair, technically. This body's not his, it's borrowed, even if the borrowing is permanent....
....and he's taken pretty shitty care of it.]
I want to be left alone, too....and, I'm afraid, nothing's protecting me the way I am now. My monster powers aren't enough...
[Atem rubs his neck, where the silver needle had caught it. It's not just that, either...there was Faramir, impaling him on sight.]
...and my reputation isn't, either! What were those traps even for, if they didn't deter other monsters from doing things like Fabius did?
[Mentioning it obliquely is safe. He keeps the tremor out of his voice with an iron grip, but there's emotion: what was it all for? The people I used the traps on, what did they suffer like that for, if it didn't even work...?]
I have to take a different approach.
[Good....news? He's retiring the torture part of the torture basement? One or two hell-game machines could always come out of retirement, of course. But the dust covers he put down in December are staying on, for now.
Bad news, he's throwing in with the Fog.]
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Doesn't it...feel bad? That it wasn't yours? You...never talked like you liked the Fog, before.
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[He rests his hand on the ledge that runs around the edge of the roof, about chest height for him. He feels the concrete under his fingertips, gritty and cold, as he goes on.]
I think the Fog is doing a terrible job of being a god...I don't trust what she says, and she's responsible for people I love going through terrible things.
If Ryou hadn't pledged...I'd have thrown this key out the minute I found it.
[Out of loyalty, plain and simple. But, since Ryou made his peace with the Fog enough to turn to her for power...Atem can pursue his preferred faction, as well. Now that he's admitted that his monster powers, as they are, aren't enough.]
But, what I do...it's in line enough with what she wants that I think I can climb the ranks, make the sacrifices, and get the follower bonuses without compromising myself.
[A beat.]
Or getting...weird about it.
[He's not bringing up Aunamee by name but she knows what he means.]
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...I don't want you to become a different person.
[ She absolutely knows what he means. ]
I don't...think that's how it works. But I think...at least you could make decisions you regret, off her power.
[ Like the power of the nephilim. The monster he promised he'd never be again. ]
cw references to torture/burning
[He looks down, down at the street below them, the night-traffic going by. It looks almost like a normal city...an old-timey one, but still. If he keeps going the way he has...will he forget what a normal city looks like? Will he lose Domino next? Or Yugi, or Anzu, or Jounouchi...]
...if I keep losing memories, or going through things that hurt enough to change me...then, I won't stay the same person, either.
[Daniel torturing him had changed him. AM burning Ryou in the dollhouse changed him. Losing his heart had changed him. Realizing he's on his own in a way Steve and Mukuro aren't...while not physical, that changed him, too.]
I've already made decisions I regret, trying to prevent trouble for myself effectively. I worked hard on it...but in the end, it didn't get me anywhere.
[He looks over at Riley, lightening up a touch.]
Heh! Are you worried I'll go mad with power?
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No— not like that, I- know, I don't want you losing memories either, I just... I don't want you to have another thing like...when you became a nephilim.
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When he became a nephilim....it was frightening, it had hurt, he'd lost his sense of mercy in the terrible burning light.]
When I was a nephilim....what I wanted didn't matter. I didn't matter. Only what I did was important. And that went for the people around me, too...which was why it was so hard to remember they were people with their own pain.
...but I don't feel that way now. In its own way, climbing ranks with the Fog is selfish...I want to protect myself, and my own memories. I haven't been able to do that, the way I've been [playing.] living so far.
Do you suppose it will affect my mind? Does God-affiliation do that? I assumed it wouldn't, since Noa and Reira are both level-headed enough...
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I don't know. I don't know...so much around here. But, a lot of things tend to mess with our heads. Honestly I...kind of have defaulted to thinking that, something's going to...mess with my head, or influence me in some way, and I'll come out of it all...
[ She hesitates. Riley doesn't trust herself, see. So, when she sees someone make this kind of choice... She has to wonder. ]
It just. Seems like a possibility. One that I don't wanna see again... or see you go through again.
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[He nods. He'll watch for it, in himself and in his companions. And, later, Beat will confirm that spending time in the gods' domains messes with your head...he'll only be more impressed, recognizing it's smart to be worried.]
I hadn't considered that possibility. But, so far, I haven't done anything I wouldn't otherwise do, or be willing to do...
If that changes, or looks like it has, you can always talk to me. I never do anything without a reason. So, if I start to...I'll need someone to tell me so. I won't be mad at you for questioning me -- I promise!
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…Okay. I’m… I trust you… I do. You…
[ Atem wants to be strong enough so people won’t hurt him. He hasn’t, so far, involved people outside of guilty in his games. Scared teenagers who summoned him, hunted those who broke the moral code. Never anyone uninvolved. Never anyone…pure. It’s why she trusted him so much, to get another perspective on people to target. Riley never wants to hurt someone innocent, never again. That may be a tall order…but she believes Atem doesn’t either. He was so offended on Mattie’s behalf. That’s why she nods again, pensive but sure. ]
You’ve never changed your…what is it, your…rules? [ He talked about this like a game back in October. They got a little distracted because the heartfelt talk they had was set to music, but. She remembers. ] And… I don’t think Maya’s brainwashed, or anything.
[ She holds back a grimace. She doesn’t, she just thinks Maya is…somewhat insensitive about others at times. But that’s not what this is about, and she’s not gonna badmouth her boss for a conversation they had like over a month ago. ]
Just…be careful. Okay?