knifemonopoly: (tripping out)
̷A̷t̷e̷m̷ ([personal profile] knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1.

FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01

*** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01
<PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.
 
 
Main handle: < Player1 > Anon: < turtleluck >, < actuallydied >, < burner >
softspokenlandlord: were temp, sourced from TwoKinds, edited by me (woof5)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-13 11:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[Ryou stays quiet.

Honestly he's...tired from all this. It was what he had feared would happen if he sank into the bad feelings yesterday. He thought it would be better today, once he'd calmed down but it wasn't. Still...

Atem's words don't fall on deaf ears. His matter-of-fact way of putting things, and the sympathy...it's still tugging at Ryou's heart. The shadows recede, almost completely, except for the ones that comprise his semi-solid form. He still looks small though, curled up on the couch as he is.

It's not what's about him that he responds to, because his mind is in such turmoil about it. Instead, he latches onto that last little bit, the part that isn't about him because he's not ready to talk about whether Atem's right or not yet.]


Mm...I know a little about the bullying thing, but since I wasn't there...I can't really say I understand the extent.

[It wasn't his place to ask what had changed between Yugi and Jonouchi's dynamic so drastically anyway. He knew what he was told and didn't pry into a friendship that was not his business.]
softspokenlandlord: (dsod65)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-14 02:16 am (UTC)(link)
[Ryou had never had that story told to him in such detail before. It's...so strange. Yugi would do anything for a friend, wouldn't he? Hell, he would do anything for someone even if they weren't a friend. Ryou had never really understood why it was that Yugi had kept him around, actually.

Why would he keep the living, breathing avatar of the darkness in his friend group, when it had almost led to the death of Yugi himself, as well as the rest of his friends? Why did he keep letting Ryou stay around, when he wouldn't give up the Ring, and when the Ring kept taking control of him to make terrible things happen? The blood of many a person soaked Ryou's hands, and yet...]


Nnh, but...

[That smile, that wink. Atem knows exactly what he's doing, doesn't he? Or maybe he doesn't know how much his words have an effect on Ryou. He can't possibly know the rush of gratitude and a bit of adoration that causes the shade's gaze to blur, his aura to extinguish.

There's very little in the way of a warning before Ryou uncurls himself and slowly but firmly pulls Atem to him in a fierce hug. He knows that Atem isn't usually so fond of sudden touching but for once, Ryou can't help himself.

His face presses into the small vampire's shoulder briefly, before he speaks.]


Thank you, I...I don't know...what to say. I am so grateful for your friendship and your faith. You'd even have faith in someone like me...

[Oh...oh no, the words are catching in his throat and he's crying, he's so sorry but he can't even stop.]
softspokenlandlord: (47)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-14 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
[Strap in, bud. Ryou's not going to move for a while. He needed this. All of the kind words, the hugging...honestly just the comfort. So he stays this way for what feels like an eternity, but really, it was about a minute.

Then he speaks again, although he doesn't release Atem quite yet.]


In the nine months I've been here, I don't think I've ever felt this...secure. Or cared about. I think I owe you more than cake, Atem.

[He finally pulls away, if only to pull his sleeve across his face and wipe away the tears. There's a different flush of gray to his cheeks, but that could just be from crying. Which...he is still doing. But it's not sadness that has him doing so.]

I don't know if I can ever repay you, actually. H-heh. But I can promise that...I'll always try to support you like you support me.
softspokenlandlord: (59)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-15 12:36 am (UTC)(link)
[Look it's bro contact but honestly Ryou can't help the rush of color that spreads further across his cheeks when he feels Atem's hand in his own. Like come on, that's...that's not what it's for, Ryou.

He has got to get his reactions under control though, so he sniffs a bit, swallows back his tears, and comes back to himself a little. Yeah, okay. He's calmer. And don't think he didn't notice you were starting to maybe doze, bud. He'd address it immediately, but...Atem keeps speaking, and it's not a happy thought he ends on.

Ryou frowns, and his eyes shift from side to side for a moment, anxiously. Atem's right about that; he doesn't want to end up like Javert. But just the thought of Javert somewhat sours his mood because...it always reminds him of their terrible conversation on the network. Which then cuts a sharp pathway to the source of Ryou's reclusion before Atem convinced him into their current living arrangement.]


I would never want to end up there...but even if I killed a hundred humans, I wouldn't. The warden is biased in his justice. The warden's choices made me a true beast.

[His words are cold and dark, but not at Atem. Never at Atem, and in fact, he adds another thought.]

If not for you, I'd still find myself living on the streets and in abandoned homes because a real monster doesn't belong among the population. I imagine that the prison would have been worse, but in the end, if you think about it, Javert would never imprison me for my actions because he thinks they represent who I am. Who we all are.

[La Forteresse is a trap. But it's rife with opinionated wardens. That's why Ryou had never thought to turn himself in once he came back to his senses.]
softspokenlandlord: (dsod22)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-15 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
[Ryou's eyes focus on Atem, and although that blush on his cheeks doesn't totally fade away, there's determination on his face that offsets it.]

I don't need an empty house. My place is here. R-right?

[He doesn't have to go away, though he fears what would happen if Atem ever did. Their bond had really centered Ryou through a lot of his troubles, and he is thankful that the other had no memories of him at all, so they could begin with a new foundation.

Like Atem said, his memories of Ryou from before--or after, in his case--were irrelevant in the face of their friendship now.]


This is more of a home...than my apartment back home. I'm glad.

[And then he looks up quickly because his eyes are watering again nope. Not gonna cry.]

Sorry, sorry. I'm. I'm not that upset anymore, I promise, it's...because I'm relieved.
softspokenlandlord: (dsod13)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-15 04:21 pm (UTC)(link)
And here I thought you knew me.

[Ryou's making a joke, because that joke is better than the reality of what he actually is going to share with Atem. They had been dancing on the edges of this precipice for long enough. Ryou wasn't going to shy from it any longer.

When Atem's hand leaves his, he's...a little sad about it, but the fondness in his friend's eyes is enough to alleviate that rising loneliness. So he leans back onto the couch and tries to gather his thoughts.]


There are only a handful of reasons I never told you before now. One...I know you have some kind of respect for Javert, and it was not my place to convince you otherwise. On this subject, I am opinionated heavily against him.

And also...I was afraid...that if I told you, we wouldn't be friends anymore. Because what I did was unforgivable.

[He still fears the ramifications of describing the situation to Atem.]

I don't think you'd stop being my friend though. [He can only hope.] So we can talk about it.

[If Atem wants.]
softspokenlandlord: <user name=raptorscribbles site=tumblr.com> (ryoushade10)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-16 02:21 am (UTC)(link)
Alright.

[Ryou takes a deep, long breath, steeling himself. He's much calmer now that he'd been before, and a quick swipe at his eyes dries what's left of his tears. He's going to attempt not to cry again, because it's kind of embarrassing honestly.

Once he's wiped his face, both hands go to his knees, clasping at his pant legs tightly, enough that there's pretty visible wrinkles.

It's not easy.

But he's going to do it.]


Um, so. This all happened in November. I remember looking into a mirror and then there was pain. I don't know how long it went on, only that...after that, I was so hungry.

It was my first Hunger, so I expected it, and I intended to sort out--

[He stops suddenly, and shakes his head.]

No. No lies.

I didn't want to eat a soul. I was going to try and avoid it, and maybe I'd have done a little better, but something about that mirror unlocked an ugly, disgusting part of me. It brought it out of all of us, in different ways. Like...sins. Vices.

I have never, ever felt such a ravenous hunger like that. Nothing would satisfy!

[His clawed fingers dig harder into his knees, he can feel them ready to prick right through his clothing.]

Atem, I...I don't know how many people I killed. It was...beyond me. I was completely gone out of my mind. I just ate and ate and ate and no amount of souls filled that emptiness and I could hear her in my head telling me it was alright, this was what I was supposed to do. I heard her.

Her.

[He doesn't want to elaborate, but he probably doesn't need to. Hell, he didn't need Javert or anyone else to ever elaborate to come to the conclusion that the Fog God was encouraging his behaviors, as if she needed to. Haha. As if he could even stop himself.

He doesn't remember how many people he killed, but he does recall the absolute pleasure he felt, for one hot second, as he snuffed them out. Then it was extinguished and that clawing, bone-deep emptiness that sharpened his monster senses while pressing in like a migraine at the same time. It made him angry that he couldn't sate that void, so he kept doing it.

The thought now sickens him to a brief silence...which gives Atem just enough of a pause in the story to respond, if he wants.]
softspokenlandlord: (59)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-16 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
[Ryou nods slowly.]

It did, but...there's something that happened in between the hunger and the end of it all.

[And now they've arrived to the circus part of it. Because "circus" wasn't a metaphor. It was a real thing that many monsters in Ryslig had to suffer through, because of Javert. All because of him.]

Funny thing about being out of your mind. It makes you sloppy, because you're not cognizant of much around you.

[He flicks a gaze towards Atem that looks...angry? Definitely upset.]

I had to find this out later, but perhaps you already know how La Forteresse imprisons monsters successfully? After all, some of us come with powers that would make it otherwise impossible. Phasing through bars, in my case? Or perhaps you would just rip the bars straight out.

No. We couldn't be allowed to do that, or else we couldn't be punished. Right?
softspokenlandlord: (89)

cw; self-harm, though unintentional

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-16 03:15 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I don't know for sure if he did it on purpose. But whatever the story there was, the humans became very emboldened.

I don't remember how I got in a cage. I was arguing with my--with the Ring-Spirit, we were practically at each other's throats for a while, but then I think I got away from that situation, because for how awful he is, he would never have stood for me being caught.

[A sigh. Ryou doesn't like this part of the story anymore than what preceded it.]

They smothered our powers with those things. Mine was a collar. All I could think of was how angry it made me that I couldn't eat anything. Of course they had to put me in a cage by myself, or I would have eaten whatever unlucky soul was stuck in with me.

[He closes his eyes, remembering. He was absolutely devoid of any of his humanity. He just wanted to feed and being unable to sate that emptiness for even a second had him climbing the walls. Literally.]

The punitive measures taken upon us for not performing were pretty terrible. I remember being enraged, climbing the walls, trying to reach the humans, biting at the bars...it wasn't me. It wasn't! I just...could not stop myself.

When the restraints inevitably failed, all of us had been driven to the brink of madness by whatever had been affecting us and we exacted unyielding revenge on the humans. The captors. The audience. Even each other.

[Ryou looks down. He can't look Atem in the eye so he focuses on his clawed feet, one placed over the other and gripping hard, pricking at his solid form enough to hurt and almost draw blood.

He wasn't trying to hurt himself, but by god if he did, he deserved it.]


When all that ravenous hunger and anger faded away, all I was left with was the realization that I really was a monster now. This place does it to you. And it rewards monsters for being monsters. After all, look at Javert. He's a priest of the Fog God. He told me on the network that whatever I did was just a part of who I really was in the end, and that I was an idiot for thinking otherwise. He's never even met me and that's all he thinks of me. Of all of us.

[He winces. There's blood under his talons now, and under his claws where they'd pricked into his knees.]

But he's wrong.

[Right? That's what all this was about, right? Atem believed in him, that he wasn't that beast. Or maybe, now that he'd heard the entire tale, he might change his mind after all.

Ryou's heartbeat quickens at the thought that it was more than Atem could bear of him. Maybe he'd decide Ryou needed to atone properly for it. Hell, he might make up a game for it and Ryou would deserve it all, how many lives had he left strewn in his wake?

He was...trying so hard to remain positive after their last interaction, but the darkness is creeping slowly back in at the edges.]
softspokenlandlord: (47)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-17 07:37 am (UTC)(link)
[Atem's words cascade over Ryou like a cooling river, easing the agony and pushing back the shadows. Not Ryou's physical shadows, no. The ones beckoning at the corners of his mind, trying to wrap around and pull him back into that self-loathing.

He's grounded by Atem's hand on his shoulder, and he has to fight not to cry again when he realizes how stupid he's being, to really try and convince himself that Atem could ever hate him for something like this.

But what hits home the hardest is the apology. Atem apologizes for what happened and that sympathy is a balm on a wound that had remained raw for so long, much longer than it had any business being. But Ryou has a tendency to pick at his wounds, opening them up fresh before they can scar over. He hadn't sat down and told this story to anyone like this. Not even the Ring-Spirit.]


You don't know...how much it means to me to have you understand. I've been so afraid to admit what I've done, the weight I carry in my heart for those who I hurt, because I've spent so long afraid that maybe Javert was right that there was a beast in me waiting to be set free. But...that isn't me. It was out of my control, and were I to have agency, I'd never have chosen that path.

[He doesn't care that he's pulled down a little--only a little, he's still shrunken a bit--to compensate for their height difference. He lets Atem pull him down and in fact returns the hug, almost fiercely. His hair flows over his friend's shoulders, soft and almost wisplike, due to the semi-solid state of his shadows.

But...although he's being comforted, Ryou hears something there that he needs to address. Sure, they've already addressed it, but he doesn't care. So when Atem repeats Ryou's analogy back at him, the shade's grip tightens for a moment. A firm squeeze.]


You didn't choose that path for yourself either, with the parasite. So remember the evils of this world and make sure to put your pieces back just the same. You're stronger than me, motivated and self-assured. I know you won't make that same mistake, Atem.
softspokenlandlord: (57)

cw; manipulation and mind control

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-20 05:41 am (UTC)(link)
[Ryou lets Atem get his thoughts out, and it's...kind of funny, isn't it? Not ha-ha funny, but a little sad, because Atem's experience with the hydra may not be a scene-for-scene, but he's definitely confiding in the right guy for a situation in which you're told that this is a friend, someone to help.

He doesn't let go of his friend. There is no attempt to escape the hug. In fact, Ryou tightens it, not painfully of course. Enough to keep Atem grounded, to help him understand that Ryou wasn't going anywhere. This is now his time to share, and Ryou won't begrudge him that.]


It made you feel as if it only had yours and their best interests at heart. You just wanted to bring all of us together, so that we could be as one, forever. You could have your friends with you always. That's admirable, Atem. It really is.

I could never fault you for believing it when you were put in a situation in which you could not think otherwise without being suppressed.

[Ryou Bakura can never, ever judge anyone for that. He, the bearer of the Ring, could never judge someone for being fed pretty words and made to comply through them. He stole back the Ring after Battle City because he was so convinced that it was his, he could control it. It was nothing he couldn't deal with, honest. He empathizes with Atem's feelings here, because he's felt them.

Most importantly, he empathizes with being pushed down into the background. Silence and blackness and not knowing what happens when you come back because someone else is driving and they're out to harm your friends, not help them.

The shade gently presses his face against Atem's--they're hugging and so close, it's almost like a nuzzle, but stronger. Fiercely protective, in a way that maybe a friend shouldn't be. Too close, too involved, too emotional.

Of all the words he's spoken, these are the quietest and gentlest.]


There's a space that was empty, that no one else could fill but Yugi. Do you...maybe think that it is a weakness?

No, Atem. That is the strength of your bond. That is a unity past anything you could ever have with anyone else here, because you shared thoughts, actions, and feelings. The hydra would never understand that. It co-opted those feelings and rewrote them to suit its hivemind mentality. Do you understand?

Anything bad...came from the hydra. To believe that being bothered at being alone in your mind is your fault is to misrepresent what friendship and camaraderie in its truest form represents.
softspokenlandlord: (dsod24)

[personal profile] softspokenlandlord 2021-06-22 04:09 pm (UTC)(link)
[That is still always 100% the nicest thing anyone can ever say to Ryou. Therefore perhaps understandably so, the blood rushes to his face, spreading across his cheeks and nose like someone's drawn streaks of darker gray across his features. It's a perfectly normal reaction when your friend's hugging you and saying nice things while you're both hashing out your feelings about this crazy peninsula.

It is absolutely normal to want to stay like this for a little longer and it's just business as usual to think about how nice it would be to put a hand in your friend's hair just to see how it'd feel and if it would help him relax.

Of course...Ryou keeps all of that to himslf because it's not his turn anymore. This is Atem's time to be comforted and held and made to feel important.]


I'll be here for you as long as you need me. You've been here to strengthen me, the least I can do is lend my shoulder when you need it. We are all only human, after all. When it becomes too much...sometimes this kind of thing is what anyone would need.

[Ha...he uhm. He should probably let go of Atem but he doesn't want to be the one breaking their contact. This feels right. Like Ryou's heart has been filled with something warm and soothing that was slowly spilling out to the rest of his body, soft and comforting and good.

He wholeheartedly believes this is just friendship. This is how it feels when it's perfect, he'd just never...had that perfect feeling before. That's all, right?]

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[personal profile] softspokenlandlord - 2021-06-25 03:06 (UTC) - Expand