̷A̷t̷e̷m̷ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
knifemonopoly) wrote2021-02-05 06:28 pm
Entry tags:
IC inbox
WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 *** PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1> If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message. | ||||
cw reference to torture, upcoming warning for unreliable/false memories, psychosis-adjacent episode
Are you sure, she says -- as though he would do something like this if he weren't. If he didn't remember Ryou telling him that the powers Atem had embraced infamy for, had shouldered the lion's share of the burden for, had compromised his principles for, were made as useless as Atem's second sacrificed life -- taken away, at the worst possible moment, like they meant nothing.]
What do you mean...? Of course I'm sure. He told me he didn't have his Fog powers in Felfri. Even before he changed sides.
[He'd thought Ryou had. It was because of that that Atem felt confident leaving him alone...he'd been working so hard to trust that Ryou would be okay without him, something he needs to trust in order to be happy in the relationship, to not feel like he's trapped in it, and then the minute he'd turned his back, Ryou had been hurt in the way he'd been frightened of for over a year, was quantifiably not okay, had needed Atem, and the steps Atem had took in response...
...would only prove as useless as all the rest. He has to get out of the cycle, of AM and Morgenstern and all the Ryslig-monsters who hurt Ryou, scare Ryou, who depends on Atem, who hurts others.
He's sure. He remembers Ryou telling him this, that he didn't have his Fog powers in Felfri. He remembers.]
no subject
[ She really feels like she messed up... especially with the expression on his face now. She goes back to her work at the cupboards, removing a couple of small cereal bowls and filling them with water at the sink. ]
He might have-- found out differently since, or something like that... a-anyway, he told me it worked, but-- um, not well enough.
[ Either there was a miscommunication somewhere, or Ryou re-evaluated and figured things out later... this feels like such a small detail, but Atem already seems distraught over it. ]
U-unless! Unless I'm misremembering! Sorry for bringing up a bad memory...!
cw panic
[He's staring, pupils contracted. It feels like his head's full of gauze. No, no no no, this can't be right. She must be misremembering.
But --
It worked, but not well enough
-- isn't the kind of detail that sounds like a wrong memory. It's specific. It's--]
That's not what he told me. It isn't -- [a short, sharp breath.] -- he didn't --
[Atem is suddenly staring intently at a patch of wall, without really seeing it. He's not looking at Nanami. His heart is racing, he feels like he can feel his blood in all his organs. Either she's remembering wrong, or he is...
...but he remembers it, remembers that Ryou said--]
no subject
But that doesn't matter. He's clearly going into panic. So she places the bowls down, and gently touches his arm. ]
Atem-kun. It's okay. It's probably a misunderstanding or something... can you look at me?
no subject
Atem looks at her.
He doesn't know what this means.
Either Nanami is misremembering, or his memories are wrong.
He doesn't know which he wants to be true. It's too much -- it's like a tidal wave over a jetty. He can't calm down, can't think through it, can't piece together what is and what should be done, his mind isn't working right, he can't focus, it's too much--
--so, he just looks at her. He can look at her.]
no subject
[ She counts to five for him, to breathe in; and then another five, to breathe out. And again, and again. Whether he listens and follows her, or whether he doesn't. ]
You're with me, in Hill House. Reira-san and Sonic-kun are here too... but right now it's just you and me. Can you hear me okay?
[ Ground him, bring him back. Then they can deal with whatever's troubling him after. ]
no subject
[She sounds far away. But of course he can hear her. Atem reaches over and grips the hand that touched his arm; holding that seems to do better than anything else.
See-hear-feel-smell-taste.
He has to get it together, so he can actually think this through, and figure out what to do.
His eyes dart around the room. Five things he can see -- four things he can hear -- three he can feel --
Around three, he sinks back into his body, and his eyes go back to Nanami.]
...I know where I am. It's all right.
[Does it really only take that little, these days, to make him seem like he'll fall apart...?]
no subject
[ The faerie nods, and then pulls him into a tight hug. She's so worried about him... ]
You-- you might need to talk. Both of you. Whenever you feel-- feel up for it. I don't know... you don't have to, but-- I don't know. Maybe you should.
[ Even if they'll only be friends moving forward - that needs to be clarified too. ]
no subject
The touch feels real. The pressure feels real. Even if it's a bunch of arms, that's fine, it's just more secure that way.
His arms come up around her back, and he hugs her in return. Not quite as tight, but, he's putting his face down on her shoulder.]
I...I should. I -- need to know.
[He needs to know what's real. He can't live with the uncertainty. It's too big a question.]
no subject
I can-- help, if you want, but-- you should rest now, I think...
no subject
[He sounds helpless. His voice is small.]
How?
no subject
I can be there with you. Or I can help you figure out what to say. You don't have to do this alone. Neither of you do.
cw clumsy talk about mh
[His face buries itself in Nanami's shoulder. He doesn't want to let go. All the possibilities of what has happened here are upsetting, but...he can't look away from it, now that he knows something might be wrong. Wrong with him, or...]
Either I've been right, this whole time...or, my mind is wrong, and I've hurt him for no reason.
[What happened? What really happened? Why?]
no subject
[ She holds him. He doesn't want to let go - well, she won't either. Not him, one of her dearest friends. ]
It's okay-- maybe you've hurt-- but-- we can still figure this out-- we can fix it.
[ They have to, right? She can't bear how much pain the two boys are going through... ]