knifemonopoly | IC inbox

Ah...Hinata's like that about this place, is he?

[That can't be healthy.
Maybe he'll talk about it later with the guy...]

They all sound fun...how about this? I'll go over to the board games, close my eyes, and bring back the first one I touch! We can play card games and video games if we run out of board games.

Yeah, but I kind of get it. I'm like that about stuff too sometimes.

[ It's just... not one project with her. It's countless, and putting as many things on her plate as possible. Which Hinata also does. They have that in common. ]

They're over there... [ A little shelf of board games have been set up in the common area, some of them borrowed from the arcade.

Nanami gets up to lean on the desk to watch him get one, kind of spacing out again by the time he's moved away. ]

[Before she knows it he's back, with a game selected at random. It doesn't matter what it is: it just needs to keep her busy.

Gently, as he sets the game on the desk:]

Nanami.

[And, if she doesn't respond, he'll repeat it, touching her upper arm lightly.]

Edited 2023-03-27 21:36 (UTC)

[ There's plants in the next room over, and she can feel them. Better than she realized she could. They're well-watered, and in a sunny environment, well taken care of - just relaxing.

It takes a couple of tries, this time, before Nanami jerks out of her reverie. ]

S-sorry, sorry. Ah-- tea. [ Fog, she's been a terrible host. She turns to grab something from the fridge, or put a kettle on, so that they can both have something to drink. ]

That's okay! Hey -- Nanami.

[Even if she's busying herself with making tea, Atem goes out of his way, gets her attention. It's okay if she isn't looking directly at him, as long as she's listening.]

Whatever you're feeling right now...it's okay. I understand.

[It's familiar. Not precisely the same, but...Atem remembers going away behind his own eyes, too. At the point when it all became too much.]

Whatever happened, that's made you feel this way...if you want to talk about it, I'll listen. And if you never want to talk about it again, then that's fine, too. But -- you're not alone, Nanami. No matter what it feels like. If you let me in...whenever you're ready to do that...I'll be there for you. However you need me to be.

[She'll have to talk about it, if she wants other people to understand, though...it's likely others won't be able to tell. Not if they don't know her well, or are busy with their own problems. That's just how it goes...but she's a priority for Atem. Probably his best friend, here. He won't leave his precious friend Nanami to go through this alone.]

Edited 2023-03-27 22:07 (UTC)

[ The tea is just iced tea, which she's pouring into a couple of mugs from the cabinet; even putting together a hot set of drinks feels hard right now. This she can do.

But Atem's reassurances make her stumble again, almost like a glitch, and she has to hold the bottle with both hands to keep it from spilling. She sets it down.

No, what's wrong with her? Why isn't she just talking about this? Atem's right. ]

I... don't know if you could tell... but I lost all my memories. I thought I'd lived here all my life. I forgot-- all of my classmates.

[He listens, serious and sober.]

You remembered...being born a monster? Or were you born a Ryslig human, who changed?

Born in the forest. Raised by... um, the Fog. And the forest, I guess. [ She's not entirely clear on that one. Her brain filled in some weird details.

She comes back with the tea and hands one to him. Sits back down in her chair but doesn't touch her own drink. ] I mean... I know it'll happen, right? It's what happens to monsters. But...

[ But she had a problem with it. Why? Why wasn't it easy like she presumed it'd be, why did it hurt so much? ]

[He's quiet a moment, holding the tea, as she breaks off to think. But Atem speaks up before long.]

It's what happens to monsters if they lose.

[He truly believes that. Going back to the Sea...that's neutral, a pause. But losing all your memories?]

The penalty for running out of lives...is losing the human part of your heart. Your connections -- the ones you had before this place -- they're important! Those people helped make you who you are...they're part of you.

So, losing them...it's not a good thing.

[ But Nanami shakes her head. ]

It's what happens if you play. Atem-kun... you can't win Tetris. You can just hold off for a while and try to get a new high score. It's the same here. Either you go back to the Sea of Stars, or you lose your memories here instead.

[ And to Nanami, both of those are different forms of losing. She hesitates. ]

I thought.... I thought I was okay with that.

[He shakes his head, just a little -- he doesn't quite agree. But now isn't the time to debate it.]

So, all this time...you felt it was inevitable that one day you'd forget your Hope's Peak classmates? If you didn't go back to the Sea of Stars?

And -- now that you know what it's like...you're afraid of it. Because it's worse than you thought it would be.

[He's making sure he understands this right by repeating it back, slowly and carefully.]

[ She nods slowly. Still staring into the middle distance remembering it. ]

It was like I wasn't myself at all. You're right about that, Atem-kun... they're pieces of us.

[ She plays with one of her leafy fingers. Twists it, a little too hard, but it's not as bad as if it were made of actual flesh and blood. Her body's weird like that. ]

And not being yourself...that's ceasing to exist, just as much as death.

[He reaches over and puts a hand on her arm.]

So...you don't think there's any hope of getting out? Before we go back to the Sea, or lose ourselves completely.

[ She looks up at him dully. The hand on her arm feels distant, like somebody else is feeling it.

A kind of death... ]

Do you?

I do.

[He's quiet, but certain.]

I think we may be here a very long time. Longer than any of us imagined when we arrived. But I don't think escape is hopeless.

Monsters have only been coming here for eight or nine years. In that time, slow but steady progress has been made in understanding the world around us, and what is around that world. A few years ago, no one even knew the Sea of Stars existed! It isn't fast, but...we are learning.

And, in case all of that turns out to be a trick too, I also think, [Atem goes on,] that the fact that the things we hear from the Fog and learn from portal expeditions are meant to take away our desire to escape itself means there's hope. Because -- if escape were really impossible, and all attempts to get out would just tie into the mid-month fog and generate its suffering...then they should be encouraging us to try. Do you see what I mean? I think there is a way -- it's just a matter of finding it, without causing too much trouble through failed attempts.

[ She stares up at him. And then, a small little sound, that might be a sad laugh, or a happy sob; or both, something in between. She gulps down her emotions, turning over what he's saying. ]

Almost nobody lasts that many years... you know? People leave, all the time... I'll bet most of us have only been here for a short time... I mean, Atem-kun-- isn't it more likely that before we're able to make much progress, we'll run out of time?

Of course it's likely. But, have you ever decided not to play a game because it's more likely that you'll lose?

[He grins, gives an easy, confident shrug!]

Besides...going back to the Sea of Stars isn't like dying. Not really! There's always the chance you'll be brought back, given enough time...and if what the Fog God says is true, we won't die of old age as long as we're monsters. We could have a hundred years, or a thousand, to find a way to make the monthly suffering stop, or find a way to a better place.

So...we should live with both timespans in mind. We should live in the moment, because the chances that pass us by may never come again...and we should protect ourselves and our hearts like we'll still be here a thousand years from now!

[ In the depths of her despair, it's like he's lit a candle of hope.

How could she have forgotten? She never played games to win (even if winning was nice). It's not her title anymore, but she does know how to play.

She rubs her face, as if she's just waking up. Takes a deep breath to steady herself. Looks to her friend - her co-player. ]

I need to learn... strategies. To... last longer. So-- so nothing like that happens, but for real.

[He can't help it -- he puts a hand on her shoulder. What she's pulled from what he has to say...it feels like he's reached her. Not fixed things, because that kind of pain, the kind that makes you retreat behind your own eyes until time slips away...that doesn't get fixed. No one can do that. But he's at least reached through whatver veil is between her and everything else, and her heart isn't shut away from him so tightly anymore.]

I can tell you what I've learned...but that's more of a guide to what not to do! The monsters who've been here a long time, like Lust and Reira and Noa...they might be able to give you something more concrete.

[He grips her bark, firmly, reassuringly: she's not alone.]

[ She rises from the chair.

Wraps her wooden arms around him and hugs him tight, burying her face in his neck. Her fronds tickle his face, the way they're hugging. ]

I'd like that. Please. Thank you...

[ It's still scary. But she feels less alone, and less... doomed to an inescapable fate. ]

[He hugs her back, just as tight -- it doesn't matter that there's not much give to the bark, as long as she can feel it.]

Definitely.

But...you'll have to tell me if you want to talk now, or later. You're...

[He knows the look he saw in her eyes.]

...the things that have happened are bothering you, a lot. I can tell! And, when I've felt that way, sometimes a distraction helps, and sometimes, doing anything at all feels impossible. Whatever it is you need, I'm here to help...even if it's just making sure you're not left alone.

[ She pulls back, and nods absently. Her mind's already racing-- trying to think of ways to keep going, protect herself from harm, protect her friends...

Which means she's drifting off again. She shakes herself out of it. She wants to be here, here and now, with Atem, while she still can. ]

Game. [ She looks down at the game that Atem's chosen - one she recognizes, and starts to pull out the pieces for a match. ] Let's-- yeah.

[ It's quiet and familiar and comforting work, to set up the board, deal cards, put the pieces into place. As Nanami does, she chuckles a little, realizing something. ]

I guess I did get to try one of your shadow games... like I asked, when we first met.

....

I wish it hadn't been that way. Like I said, they're for enemies...I wouldn't wish it on a friend.

But...now you know.

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cw: self-harm if you squint?

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.