knifemonopoly | IC inbox

[Curiosity temporarily sated, Ryou does then proceed to make it a little awkward, but not intentionally. He repositions his hand on Atem's shoulder, pulling just enough to beckon him closer.

Again, it's very silly, because Ryou's on his back at an odd angle.]

You have to. I know...bad dreams are not helpful. But you're going to fall to pieces if you don't recharge. If you wake up, I'll be here to remind you where you are and what's real. It's not the same as...seeing everyone else you dream about, but I can only be one friend...

[Despite all the ridiculous things that had just happen, Ryou can't help but try and switch back to comforting Atem. Nightmares or no nightmares, he can't continue this way.

It's worrisome.]

[Silly and awkward or not, Atem does shift closer, because pushing himself forward is the easiest thing in the world to do with a lower half like his -- and Ryou's right, he's already falling into uncontrollable laughing fits, he can't go on like this, even if he wishes he could.

But, maybe, with someone present to help pull him out of the dream, ground him in what's real, what's the waking world...

With a breath that carries an air of surrender:]

...I'll try. If you're here...then, it might not be so bad, when I wake up.

[Great job keeping distance there, Atem. You're doing a super stellar job at avoiding romance. But he's tired, and he loves Ryou, and predictable nightmares are the worst, and, let him have this. He's not positive when Ryou became someone he was comfortable leaning on, but it's happened, and he's glad.]

[Between the both of them, they might almost function as a person if they could just get a little more sleep. Ryou is bound and determined for at least Atem to rest.

He smiles encouragingly, and also apologetically because he can't really move from where he is, can he? He's stuck here, so it's good that Atem's body is mostly snake so that he could make the moves he needed to.]

Yeah...I'll make sure to remind you everything's okay.

[Yeah great job not making this terribly awkward. Ryou's sleepy and addle-brained right now, so he's okay with the current status quo. He wants to pretend that everything's perfectly normal between them and that being this close is fine. There are no awkward teen shenanigans in ~~Ba Sing Se~~ Ryslig.

Which is precisely why he sneaks his hand out to snag Atem's again. Normal. Friendship hand holding.]

[He doesn't mind the hand-holding. Actually, it reminds Atem a little bit of the time he'd died, his body torn to shreds in the back room of a casino, left a wreck in the wake of a mind-controlling parasite, when Ryou had taken his hand, and Atem had seen it, but he hadn't been able to feel it, and one of his last thoughts had been about how that made him feel sad...

But he can feel Ryou's hand now. Even if everything isn't okay, even if that's clearly not true and the lie makes him think of Kaiba, body changed into something unlike himself, working on a hope for escape, and of Noa, who threw himself into the vortex to give the Fog back her power, and Yugi, who's going to have to feed eventually but won't choose how, and Marik, who says he can handle what this place will do to him but Atem's not so sure, and David, who just doesn't want to go back to where he came from, and Mr. Mobius, who doesn't deserve any of this, and Mukuro and Horatio with their one-eye-apiece and Celeste who cut off her wings and Triffany who just wants her husband to live and everyone else whose happiness he'd fight for with everything he had who are stuck in this cruel, cruel game--

--holding hands is okay.]

It isn't.

[Fingers with claws on the end wind around Ryou's.]

But it's enough.

[Enough, for now, to have this support. Things don't have to be okay for him to keep going, and he doesn't even need to have someone else beside him to force himself onward, most of the time...but, right now, "Ryou Bakura being there when he wakes up to tell him he didn't actually just dismember Yugi or Kaiba or Celeste or Ima or any of the other friends he's dreamed about and that he's awake now" is close enough to "okay" to work.]

Like a wildcard...

[That sure does just slip out of his mouth with no context. No-Sleep Atem is inches from rambling about The Light.]

[Ryou's fingers squeeze firmly.

He knows better than anyone that things aren't really okay, and he'd only been saying that because...he wants Atem to feel better, somehow. They're both just a little too pragmatic for that though, so he just does his best here, and nods. Whatever Atem says, it's okay.

Ryou will support him...even if he is about to slip into a diatribe about the power of friendship or light or whatever.]

Like I said...I can't do much. But I'll keep you close. I'll be here. I'll protect you.

[He's serious. He's not kidding, even if it may as well be a joke coming from Ryou of all people, who was not fragile, but still managed to be emotional and easy to overtake. He wasn't made to protect...but his heart is in it, the words are strong, even if he isn't.

If the emotions in his heart were enough, then Atem would be shielded from any negativity. But the best he can do is words. And maybe...take Atem's painful emotions while he's sleeping to try and kill his nightmares.

He's not sure if he can do that. Can he do that? Maybe he'll fuck around and find out. It's not as if he isn't used to nightmares himself.]

Ahaha...I'm your wildcard? I thought I was a Joker.

[Ok there's a real joke for you. Friendly reminder that Ryou is not batting a hundred, honestly.]

[Hearing Ryou repeat I'm your wildcard? gives Atem the strongest sensation like he's just given away a tell. A powerful sense runs through him that he is doomed, that a bell has been rung that can't be un-rung, because it isn't the kind of thing you say to a friend, it's a pet name, even if the association makes sense. Atem feels distinctly like he's on train-tracks, like he's slipped and fallen and couldn't change direction if he tried, and must play out the rest of the game. So, he'll play, holding Ryou's hand in his and grinning over at him.]

Heh heh...sometimes, they're the same thing! It's not uncommon to play with jokers wild...and having one means that you don't need everything else to go right to win.

[Thank goodness Ryou doesn't have a vampire's sense for heartbeats. Atem's goes slower than a human's, because it's pushing a lot of blood through a very long body, but the pace it's setting is absolutely faster than normal. This is where Atem lives now, where he is telling Ryou Bakura very personally that even though Ryou's an unpredictable element, he's very valuable to anyone who holds him, and with him there Atem can do things the rules normally wouldn't allow, and all he can do is hope Ryou is too sleepy to read the tell.]

Edited 2021-08-08 14:31 (UTC)

[Blessedly, Ryou just take it at face value and doesn't ascribe further non-platonic emotions to it. But even though he doesn't think too hard about what being a wildcard actually means to Atem, he can't help but bring their hands close to his face. Again. And get snuggly.

Again.

But then...he yawns and there is absolutely no covering his big stupid shade mouth, so he just turns away because he's not about to exhale on Atem, but that means Atem gets a nice profile view of Ryou's yawn and the goofy way his lip pulls back and exposes his pointed teeth until the end of the yawn. Then he settles back into just...looking fondly at his friend with tired, half-shut glowing eyes.

He's sleepy. He's warm. If they keep prattling like this, then Ryou will be the first one to go.

So it follows that without understanding the gravity of his words, Ryou just murmurs something quietly.]

'S nice being someone's favorite...when they're your favorite too.

Edited (just changing a word!) 2021-08-08 15:59 (UTC)

[Uh huh, Atem's doomed. He's in over his head and he can only skip across the surface so long before he sinks. He is still skipping, for now, but eventually that surface tension will break, and one or both of them will get hurt, and there's no stopping it. Where did he misplay? He can't go back and review it now, he's got to live with the cards he gave up and the cards he's drawn.

He does not give in to the impulse to wind his lower half around Ryou again. He does not give in to the impulse to shift closer, to get Ryou's head tucked under his chin, to bring the hand he's holding to his mouth, to say anything that's on his mind right now. Instead, he lightly teases--]

Go to sleep, Ryou. You're already halfway there!

[God, is that true? Damn, damn damn damn, he can't, not when Yugi's moving closer to having to feed every day--!]

Mmh.

[Ryou allows his eyes to close, he tries to relax even though how he's positioned isn't...well, the most comfortable. He is halfway asleep, it came on pretty quickly, to the point that it surprised even him.

But there's a small thought at the back of his mind, one that has him open one eye to regard Atem.]

You too. Promise. Promise you'll rest. Told you before...you need it.

[Atem might believe he's referring to today, but actually...Ryou's referring to months ago, when he'd tried to impress upon a manic little vampire trying to do too many things that if he does that, his next move could be his last before a misplay takes his life. Takes his memories.]

Sleep...'cause you need it. To keep playing.

[Ryou closes his eye again, then exhales softly. He's not asleep that quickly, of course. But he lets himself relax for real this time. Maybe then Atem might relax too. Monkey see monkey do.]

[He does relax. Ryou may or may not feel the tension start to leave him, but it's not just seeing Ryou go to sleep, it's that these are safer waters. Even if they're still holding hands...it's easy to make this kind of promise.]

I know. I know it's necessary...I will, I promise! Even if I can't sleep, I'll stay here and rest.

[Because it's true, the longer he goes without sleep, the more likely he is to make a mistake, one bigger than getting personal in a way he shouldn't, a way that's irresponsible, since he's got to...he's got to find a way to win...]

[It doesn't take long for Ryou to finally fall asleep. Everything that had happened after he lost the word game had really taken what little energy he had left as it was. His fingers finally release Atem's hand, and he shifts awkwardly forward, as if he was trying to pull his other arm forward so that he could curl it under his head. Obviously that doesn't work...but it doesn't disturb him.

Nothing will...for at least an hour or two, which is when his REM cycle usually obliterates him with shitty dreams. Joy.]

[Heeeeeyyyyy, that's both of them! Atem, eventually, starts to murmur in his sleep.]

It's all right.

...

--for the Fog...for Ryslig.

...

It'll be over in a--

...

--struggle, you'll only make it worse--

...

--your arms, first, Yugi.

[He doesn't sound particularly agitated. Which, frankly, just makes it worse when he wakes up.]

--all be all right, you'll see--

Edited 2021-08-09 02:32 (UTC)

[It's not usually someone else that wakes Ryou from his dream. It hadn't even gone off the rails yet when Atem's voice pulls him from his own nap. He blinks a few times, grumbling a little as he focuses on what's being said--

--which involves Yugi's arms. Oh, that...doesn't sound okay.

Concerned, Ryou sleepily pushes himself up biting his lip hard to distract himself from the pain. Atem needs him. He said he'd be there, and he will. With some maneuvering, he squirms closer, pressing his face against Atem's neck, while his arm curves just over the other teen's head.

He doesn't say anything. He just stays there. Close. Protective. He doesn't think he'll be helpful, but he tries anyway. He's sure if Atem startles awake, then being in close proximity to someone will help. Absolutely. He just wishes he were Yugi so that Atem could see that the dream was only that.]

--sacrifice -- not in vain. A hero, to the--

...

--when it's over, you'll understand.

...

--do you hear him, Miss Fog?

...

--aah!

[...and startle awake he does, whether it's because of the unexpected contact in his sleep or something to do with the dream is unclear.

There's a long, slow breath in, unsteady at the edges, and Atem states wide-eyed at the wall of Ryou's room as the images he just saw play out over his brain repeat themselves, more awful now that his waking mind recognizes the horror of what he'd dreamed of doing.

Now that he remembers where he heard the words he was saying, the first time.

He doesn't know yet if Ryou is awake or not, and frankly, it'll take him a few more seconds to even begin worrying about figuring that out. He shudders, like he wants to crawl out of his own skin, because it was Yugi on the table that time, and Atem with the knife--!

It's not real, he tells himself. It didn't happen. Not that way. He helped Yugi draw some blood -- willingly. That's all. That's all...]

Edited (i just want to make it worse) 2021-08-09 18:23 (UTC)

[Ryou hates how it feels, to have Atem shuddering there. It's not that he hates Atem showing weakness, exactly. He simply abhors the very fact that anything could shake him so completely. This was one of the strongest people he has ever met.

And to reward his strength, he was put through so much, this place was working so hard to break Atem down to nothing, wasn't it? With the hydra, with what Daniel had done...all of it.

Wincing, Ryou pulls away and uses his arm to push himself up, and his own tired, glowing eyes stare down on Atem. Tired, yes. Pained, maybe...but determined.]

You are here. You're with me...and you're not that person. You can never...ever be that person.

[Atem couldn't be the kind of person that would hurt Yugi. He couldn't be the person who was subservient to the Fog God. And he certainly wouldn't carve his friends up in service of the Fog.]

[Usually, Atem would tell Ryou to lie down, that he might make his injuries worse, moving around like this. But there's still horror in his slit-pupilled eyes, he's still drowning in sleep-debt, and while he knows what's real, he knows and believes it when Ryou tells him he didn't do it, didn't do that, wasn't that person, he still whispers hoarsely, hollowly, the words spilling out as he grips the front of Ryou's shirt in clawed fingers:]

I was him. It was me holding the knife this time, I was--

[Daniel. Only instead of Elias, it was for the Fog, and instead of his mind in Yugi's body, it was -- it was eyes he's seen in mirrors in memories, and seen in Ryslig in person, betrayed and terrified as he realized what Atem was about to do, as Atem showed the Fog, who was watching, always watching--!

If it were anyone but Ryou, the words might not have come out. They might have stayed in Atem's heart, out of an unwillingness to speak them, a need to hide pain and sorrow even from people he trusts. But it is, so they do.]

[Ryou can only venture a guess as to who Atem's talking about. Maybe...it's Daniel? He can't be sure, though given the description, it could very well have been. Daniel had tortured him, and any manner of weapon could be brought to bear for such a task.]

You wouldn't do that, though, would you? You'd never do anything for...for the Fog. You wouldn't hurt any of us for her, because we're all a part of your heart. That's what you always say...your friends...they're part of you.

Atem, I'm so sorry that you're being hurt like this. The horror of it...how you've held yourself up for so long would be more than anyone could bear.

[And speaking of what anyone could bear...Ryou is struggling. His arm is shaking, his whole chest is burning with the effort of holding up a body that didn't want to be held up. But he endures it. If he wanted Atem to be there for him, then he's going to be there for Atem. For better or worse, this is what his heart urges him to do.

He leans in close, presses his forehead to Atem's, closing his eyes so that the glow of them can't be bothersome.]

You wouldn't snuff the light out of Yugi's eyes anymore than you would stab yourself in the heart. That's not the reality I choose to believe in.

[And trust him, he knows about some fucked realities.]

Please...don't let the darkness win here. You don't have to be strong all the time because you have people. [You have me, he wants to say, but he doesn't.] But don't give up.

[It's true. Ryou's right. Atem'd stab himself in the heart first.

Not if there was. You know. A third option, a way to skirt around whatever stupid situation was trying to force him to make that choice and stab the person who set it up in the heart. But. That's not the situation they're in.

The situation they're in is, Ryou is trembling under his own weight but still pressing their foreheads together, and Atem does take a second to shut his eyes, to listen to what's being said instead of thinking about hypothetical revenge, and...and also, instead of thinking about how close their faces are. A flush rises in his face again, and...instead of doing anything about that, instead of so much as letting his tongue flick out, he listens to and processes what's being said.]

Of course I won't!

[He says as he reaches out for Ryou, pulling him into a hug, getting one hand under and around his shoulders and the other around his waist. He is going to get Ryou off that overworked arm, get his head on Atem's shoulder, and hold him there a moment, doing his best not to jostle the injury too much.]

I don't think I could. Not when there was a single person here to fight for!

[What would that even look like? The kind of paralysis he experienced in Death-T? Atem would have to be terribly alone to feel that kind of despair again.]

Besides, [he says, since Ryou's words remind him of what had happened in reality, of what Daniel had been so frightened of but that the other Yugi knew was his element,] the darkness is a part of me. So, of course it can't beat me!

[Silly, he is the night. He's Atem, yes, but not Pharaoh Atem, not the living king ready to sacrifice himself to seal away evil. Maybe part of him is that, but another part of him is still the rising tide that carried him to Yugi's enemies when Yugi was truly angry, that let him understand what would rebalance the scales, what harm and revenge he could visit that would make things right again.

That's an easier thing to be, sometimes. It's not all he is, or he wouldn't be holding a different sort of shadow right now -- he's something like both, and neither, something capable of holding and supporting a beloved friend while also reminding that friend that his power came from a dark place, and that Atem doesn't mind that.]

[Ryou did not expect to be pulled down into a hug. His shuddering arm relents slowly, and he only winces slightly as he settles. Now it's his turn to flush brightly, to the very tips of his pointed ears, which wiggle slightly because this is surprising.

Atem...was letting him get so close. To be fair, Ryou had invaded his personal space first, in the name of trying to talk him down, but...being this close was a terrible temptation.

He could stay here forever and not feel bad. The only part he feels bad about is that he can't hug Atem properly, but he still manages to comfortably settle his face against Atem's shoulder. His eyes open, but remain lidded. He really has no idea...the extent of Ryou's infatuation. He's doing this because he doesn't get it

It's forgivable...but painful. So he lets himself respond, of course, like this is a normal conversation between two friends who were just trying to take care of each other.]

I didn't mean your darkness. I like yours. Your righteous fury and all your vigilante justice. H-heh heh. Heh.

[Like a comic book character. Ryou smiles, and he can only hope Atem doesn't feel the upturn of his lips against his skin, because Ryou's face is comfortably settled there.]

So long as you don't fall into despair and give up...I'm happy. 'S like how...you didn't want to lose me to my dreams. I don't want to lose you to an abyss you can't rise from.

[Ryou deeply considers using their contact to take on Atem's mental quandaries. He's loathe to do it without permission, but...he'll take a nightmare if it helps. He'll take every nightmare for this one, particular person.]

[On the one hand, the echoes of what Daniel did, what he did to Daniel, and how they overlap with the nightmare are still thrumming through Atem's head, full of burning and darkness and blood.

On the other, Ryou's ears are wiggling. They're right there. He can feel them. Look at them! It's calming, to know something so silly can happen...and so is the contact. Speaking of things Atem can feel, he feels Ryou grin against his neck. He feels very alive, very warm, right now.

He doesn't miss that Ryou likes him how he is. Ryou's seen his games, seen him hunt, seen him kill...and hasn't turned away. It feels good, being welcomed, it always does...take that, Lucius. Hah. There's a light, contented brush of his chin against Ryou's shoulder, and his grip around Ryou's waist shifts, his hand sliding a few inches further up Ryou's back--]

You won't.

[-but then, he catches himself, and very carefully relaxes. He lets his arm drape loosely over Ryou's waist -- that's better. Don't get carried away.

Atem's breathing slows, evens out. Even the loose contact is grounding. He really has been sold on how good it can be, to let a couple of people in, to hold the people you want to hold...]

Good.

[Through the haze of his own sleeplessness and dulled senses, Ryou cannot ignore what Atem said or did in that one moment. He can't pretend the fingers sliding up his back don't make his skin tingle beneath his clothing. Maybe...Atem does know?

But...when the hand relaxes, he exhales softly, and his ears angle down slightly. No. It was his imagination. Atem's just repositioning.

Ryou inclines his head towards Atem's anyway, pressing their faces just a little closer, and he comes to his decision as Atem begins to relax again. Subtly, he puts a hand on Atem's shoulder, activating his pain-taking. It's as easy as anything. He'll assure that Atem sleeps no matter what it takes.]

[Ryou's being subtle, and Atem's half asleep, but he's still Atem, and when someone moves with intention, he notices.

Eyes flick open, and his face turns a degree or two in the direction of Ryou's. Evenly:]

Ryou, did you just try to take my pain?

[He's pretty sure that's what just happened. Atem was already pretty calmed down, but suddenly, his tail aches less.

That's mostly how he can tell, since the lion's share of the nightmare pain has dissipated. On top of that, Atem's successfully psyched himself into contentment with and gratitude for what he has, so there's not even much loneliness or regret that he's not good enough at romance to pursue this to pick up. Atem's just...extra ok with being just friends right now? But that's not what's important. What's important is that Ryou is busted.]

[Ryou doesn't even have time to process Atem's pain before he's caught out on what he's doing. Oh come on man...do you ever rest?

He doesn't look at Atem. Nope. He can't look at his face because then if he lies, he'll be super-extra busted. Except...he can't. He can't lie to Atem, can he? He rolls the idea around in his head, along with all the extra fuzz of any lingering bad feelings (not much of that, at least) and the strange pain that he's not sure how to process because he doesn't exactly...have a big snake tail and it's weird.

No. No, he can't lie. That would be disrespectful.]

I just...wanted to help.

[He murmurs it softly, so quietly that it could be missed if you weren't listening hard enough.]

I know you did.

[But...he really doesn't like it when that happens without him agreeing to it...it was okay the first time, during monster-bingo, and when he'd died, it had been a gift, to die peacefully, even though it had been bad later....

It sits wrong with him to let it happen now, to let this pass unremarked-on. Atem stays where he is, his arms wound around Ryou's shoulders and waist; in fact, the one over Ryou comes up to hold the back of his shoulder, far enough from the injury not to hurt, but more secure, with purpose. They don't have to look at each other. But he does have to say this.]

But I need you to ask me first, before you do that again!

[He doesn't sound angry, and his voice is still quiet, despite falling into the exclaiming!! he does a lot, when there's pent-up energy and intensity. Atem is a very intense, bright-burning person in a very small body, and talking like that...it's a sign he's feeling more normal. Painshare means he's got a clear head to talk about this. ]

Do you know why?

Edited 2021-08-10 20:08 (UTC)

[The fingers gripping onto Atem's shoulder tighten as he speaks. Atem isn't pulling away from him, guiding him off because Ryou's done something that isn't forgivable and now he's going to leave...but Ryou also feels like, if that's what Atem wanted to do, he could--and should--have done it.

Instead, here they are, close to each other, and it's being turned into a learning opportunity. Ryou feels incredibly guilty as he answers, finally.]

Because...it's not my place to do something like that to you without asking. Right?

[Still not going to look at him. Too guilty.]

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tfw when u gotta reuse the icon

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.