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[...........he smells something fishy, and it's not Marik any longer.

What's this really about? Atem wonders. His aspect turns sharper, his snakes attentive.]

The bond between us...it's already the strongest connection I've formed in Ryslig!

Are you saying that's not enough to make him happy?

[It is a god damned honor to be friendzoned by Atem Yugioh, thank you. Then, he plays a second card--]

Besides, if I defeat the Fog, and win us our freedom...then it won't matter, will it? He won't be in such dire straits...he'll be able to be happy without me.

I -

[ He's been made, and yet he hasn't. The Pharaoh is onto him, and yet he isn't. The Pharaoh is a genius, and yet the Pharaoh is an idiot.

Atem Yugioh, do you know what the last consequences were for giving Marik Ishtar a headache? It was not pleasant. For anyone.

He looks down, trying to gather his thoughts. That second blow was strong - but he won't falter. He won't lose again. He will always find a way to turn the situation around. ]

I'm saying you can't defeat her...unless you make him happy. Until you make him happy. That's what...what I'd been hoping to tell you.

[ holy hell it's even the TRUTH sort of ]

I know. Really well. [ From messing around in other people's brains. ] That having something unspoken between people becomes - a distraction. You tell yourself you don't have time, you tell yourself anything, but you keep having to tell yourself, and every moment you spend telling yourself is another moment you're defeating yourself.

On the other hand, having made incredible, precious memories with someone - feeling free - don't you see if you don't act on this, she wins? She'll have kept you from something that could have made you both happy. If the world had ended in that vortex, with you and Ryou having never said anything -

[ "Rishid, I'll be heading to the dark soon" -

Huh. Weird. Why the hell is he thinking of that now? Stupid. ]

If the people who run this game want us to be unhappy, then be the King of Games and grab your joy!!

[He can't defeat the Fog until he starts dating Ryou? An eyebrow goes up again in doubt! Oh, he can't wait to hear how Marik sells this one.

...

A distraction?

...

...that might actually be worth considering. The snakes lower a little, thoughtful rather than combative.

Is he distracted? Is he expending more energy acting like things between him and Ryou are just friendship, even though that's clearly not true, than he would if they just--?

It's funny. The advice Marik is giving isn't bad. It's not too far off from advice Atem has given -- you shouldn't deny yourself good things, not here, because having things that make you happy makes this place easier to bear.

But is Atem going to take his own advice? When, in this case, it comes with the risk of, god forbid, messing up?

(Why is Marik so invested? What was that pause -- who didn't HE tell, until it was too late?)

...]

It's possible I'm distracted.

[He admits it. It's taking energy to be careful around Ryou. Even when that's added to the equation, and it takes some of the guilt of being-happy-while-Yugi-is-changing away...there's still the fact that...]

But I'm serious when I say I can't pursue it! It really is better if I don't -- and it's precisely because we've been each other's support the last few months. If our relationship changes, and I hurt him...or, worse, we have a falling-out...! This place is hard enough on him without something like that happening.

[A beat.]

The truth is, I won't make a very good boyfriend...

[...that he has no idea what he's doing.]

That doesn't matter. [ The dismissal is immediate. He's....almost....maybe.....halfway? Making progress? WHY IS GETTING THE PHARAOH TO KISS A BOY HARDER THAN GETTING THE PHARAOH TO DIE AN AGONIZING AND SYMBOLIC DEATH, AND EVEN THEN HE FAILED AT THAT LIKE A HALF DOZEN TIMES. IT STILL WAS EASIER ]

Listen, he thinks he's not worthy of you. You hemming and hawing? Hurting him! Already! The absolute best thing you can do for Ryslig, and for Ryou Bakura, is to grab him in your - coils -

[ or arms but lbr Ryou is probably more into snek ]

- look him dead in the eyes, and confess!! Anything less is wasting the cards in your hand. It's cowardice.

[ It's also wasting this totally amazing speech he's been giving you which is like. Twice as heavy an offense. "Be the King of Games" was supposed to work, dammit. ]

The Pharaoh I've dueled gained strength the more he cared, the more he showed he cared, for the people he loved. You are absolutely, obnoxiously unstoppable when it's for someone else. You beat me. With friendship.

[ Dun dun DUNNNN. ]

So don't you see that love can take down a God?

...and as for sucking at being a boyfriend, I have you covered there, too. Call me before dates. I'll get you ready.

[Hold the fuck up.]

Not wor--!?

[That can't be, that can't be what's happening, after everything Atem's said, after everything he's done, taking the time to help Ryou, coming to Ryou when he needs something, Ryou can't possibly think--!

....

...yes, he can, can't he. If Atem is hurting Ryou already by letting Ryou think things between them won't change from the way they are, then...that changes his calculations...

(snakes move agitatedly, worried. oh no. they've hurt ryou.)

...but that's a matter for another time. Right now, he wants to know something else. Marik's talking like this is for Ryslig, for taking down the Fog God....but he sure was shady about it! And that last bit...it sends Atem back on the offense.]

Oh? And you're some kind of dating expert?

[ you know that tone of voice you pull when you are so utterly sure of yourself that it has never even occurred to you to have it occur to you that you might be full of it, atem? that one? are you familiar?

imagine that, but flat. self-explanatory. ]

I'm an everything expert.

[ Marik has somehow ended up the sassy gay frenemy.

But it's cool! It's fine! It's nothing he can't handle! Especially when he finally, FINALLY, maybe, broke through to this ridiculously bullheaded man! Did Marik's ancestors carve mighty statues of their Pharaohs out of stone to symbolize the object of which their rulers' heads were constructed?? Yet he was raised to serve this Pharaoh! Surely he can overcome this last obstacle and unite all the pieces of his plan -

fuel the Pharaoh with what he needs to awaken his powers -

save everyone from their terrible fate -

rejoin his family -

win his bet with Ryou Bakura, ensuring the boy's happiness and thus good graces -

even if this doesn't work (although it totally will), get to be able to point to Ryou and Atem at parties and say "I DID THAT" - ]

It...it has to be you, all right? For Ryslig, and for Ryou. Nothing's won by staying in darkness.

[ He wants this. He wants them together. He wants to see what kind of power that unleashes, he wants....he wants proof that...

that what he'd been told is still true, even though freedom has been yanked cruelly away from him at the last second....

What do you want, Marik Ishtar? Everything. ]

Only by seeking the light.

[An everything expert. Uh huh. Atem is very, very unsure that this guy, who has given Atem the impression that he's an enthusiastic but not particularly effective planner, who likes to take the results and say, "I meant to do that!"...is going to have helpful advice for dating. Especially when Atem's concerns have to do with things like putting the month's trouble first, putting Yugi first, as well as not realizing what's normal and expected in a romance...he'd have no idea what to ask!

And...Marik really likes light metaphors...but it's not like Atem can really talk. For him, "hearts" are just as important. So let's explore that a minute, since as far as Atem's concerned, he's received new information about Ryou that he'll consider on his own, and the discussion is closed.]

In many ways, the darkness is what I'm used to. The powers and knowledge of darkness...that was what I awakened to, when Yugi solved the Millennium Puzzle. I used its magic to punish those who trespassed in his soul. Even here -- my usual form can't tolerate direct sunlight!

But there are other kinds of darkness...like not knowing who you are, and not being able to tell the people you know the truth. Dispelling that darkness...it couldn't have happened if Yugi hadn't come here. I'd have stayed in it until I won this game and returned home, or lost and disappeared...

...what is darkness, to you? And what is light?

[So that he can understand Marik better, and also be on the same page as far as these metaphors go.]

[ Gods, is this punishment for letting You degrade in the ocean? This, now? When he finally had the upper hand?

Marik's shoulders stiffen as his back tenses. He forces his posture to behave, but a shadow crosses his face all the same. What is....it's - the light is everything, how does he even - and what's the Pharaoh mean by "usual form", anyway -

No, there's no weaseling out of this, is there. Though - if he doesn't even know how much room he has to try...

Is this his sacrifice to escape? This Marik Ishtar he's built, who served the Pharaoh loyally? But that Marik Ishtar has been crumbling, bit by bit. He had no foundation. The real Marik Ishtar is scarred.

The real Marik Ishtar is so sick of sacrifices. What's the light? That. ]

Ryou told you....some things about me.

How much?

[...]

That you worked with the spirit of the Millennium Ring to gain the trust of my friends, and to win the God Cards in a Duel Monsters tournament called Battle City. I know the deal was to trade your Millennium Rod for the God Card the Ring-Spirit would win from me, and I know about the two types of control Ryou was under, as well as the circumstances of his release.

That's all...

[He really doesn't know much about his own future.

He needs to do something about that. He needs to talk to Yugi...he's operating at too much of a disadvantage with people from his future coming in.]

I told you my family served you. That we protected your secrets and awaited your return. Everything I said was true, but -

[ Marik shrugs off his vest. If he's going to do this, he may as well go all out. He may as well lay all his cards, as it were, on the table. The Pharaoh needs to know that Marik Ishtar does not mention the light, well, lightly. And he'll do anything to create the perfect conditions for reawakening the Pharaoh's power.

To that end... ]

We did it - like this.

[ OFF GOES THE SHIRT!

With the practiced ease of someone who has done this a lot! He doesn't even yank a lobe getting an earring caught or something!

Marik Ishtar is a shitty Tombkeeper!!!!

anyway, here is his tragic back story

behold. ]

[By taking their shirts off? Wait, Atem thought Marik liked Ryou, where the hell is this going, please tell him this isn't about to turn into extra weird cult stuff, that is a hard "no" from him--

--but all of that flies right out the window when Atem sees the scars. His eyes go wide, and he lets out an honest to god gasp. (The snakes all hiss at once.) That's not a tattoo. He knows what tattoos look like. This is something else.]

Those are--!

[Not "the Egyptian God Cards." Not "words I can read," although he can, they form in his mind even as he looks at them.]

...those are burns, aren't they.

[It's not said like a question. Receiving those...that must have hurt a lot...he knows what it feels like, now, to experience something like that.]

[ The part of Marik's brain that delights in drama ~~so, all of Marik's brain~~ enjoys that hiss. He has even managed to affect the Pharaoh's hair...!

But he has a story to tell, one he's told himself countless times, told anyone who will listen (and those he has made to listen), a story that's supposed to be a secret yet he cannot contain. ]

Heated incisions. So the secret of how to reclaim his lost memories would be available to the Nameless Pharaoh, upon his return.

For three thousand years, the eldest son of the Ishtar family has borne this secret. And, to protect it and the two Millennium Items entrusted to us, been forbidden contact with the outside world. Beneath the ground. For countless generations....

[ A more self-reflective person might marvel at the mix of grim pride and disgust which that destiny still sparks within himself. Marik likes the idea of being part of something grand and all-sweeping, having something that elevates him and sets him apart. Makes him special.

But the particulars of the one to which fate assigned him.... ]

You ask me what the light is. For eleven years, I only knew darkness.

[Those words, those pictures -- they were carved in with a hot knife, in his name. For three thousand years -- how many people were scarred in this way? How many endured this suffering, for the sake of Atem's memories? And, they were forbidden contact with the outside world, they lived underground? All of them? Even the children...

Mouth dry, he asks--]

Was this done under my orders? Or -- my family's?

[Is this another sin committed by the royal family of Egypt, another atrocity Atem must shoulder the burden of, must make amends for? If it is, Atem will take it on himself, it's only right, but how many more people is he going to encounter who were wronged in such terrible ways?]

It was done for your sake.

[ It's...never occurred to Marik until just this moment that those aren't the same thing. That the nameless Pharaoh might not be the root cause of the tradition, even if he were to be the benefactor. Had any of the sacred texts indicated....?

"Rishid, tell me. Who do I hate for this?"

No. No, it was just... ]

It was fate.

[ Everything was. Wasn't it? Even his own rebellion had been needed, to make him fated to end the Tombkeepers' long service in the dark....But then, whose fate had it been to cast them into the darkness?

Didn't it all have to happen? If it didn't....

If it didn't, then that sniveling child he'd been at age nine had been right. "They say the pain is so bad you scream for a month! Why do I have to go through it? I don't wanna!"

Except that can't be. It can't. It has to have meant something! Or else, he...

Father.... ]

[For your sake. That doesn't give him his answer. And Marik brings up fate -- is that true? Is fate an impartial force at work, guiding circumstance and action, so that no one individual's choices can be faulted for what happened? Fate might be what brought the Millennium Puzzle to Yugi, but...

...but for something like this...

No. Somebody must have decided that this should happen. Someone must have given the order to shut a family away in the dark for three thousand years, to scar the oldest male child, to hide them from everything and everyone...!]

...why?

[Why was that done?]

Why are my memories so important? What about them makes them matter more than--! Than your family's happiness? Why was such a terrible thing done, just to ensure that I would remember...?

[Who...? Who deserves to be punished for this? is one question in Atem's head, but the other...the other is, what is locked in my memories? To go to such extreme measures...is there some secret he knows, that he absolutely must get back? Or...was this simply done because he was a king, and because a family of tombkeepers was considered an acceptable price for the memories of a ruler? The idea makes him feel sick, it's precisely that sort of abuse of the weak by the powerful that used to bring the other Yugi out, to show the people who think they're untouchable that they're anything but. He, his family, they've all been complicit in terrible injustice, one crime after another. Even if there is a vitally important secret in Atem's memories, that's no excuse for this, for choosing a method of preserving the secret that's this needlessly cruel.

It's wrong, it's wrong it's wrong ḭ̶͑t̶̠͊'̴͖̇s̵̭̀ ̶͆ͅ w̷̼̿̊̽̊r̴̡̞̯͊̈͠o̴̞͌̅́͑͐ǹ̸̗͉͙͖͗͜͝ğ̴̦̔ ]

[ ...This is not how the Pharaoh reacted, last time. The Pharaoh bore it with shock, yes, but also with stoicism....yet Marik hadn't been there to witness the spaces between their battles, had barely given said Pharaoh time. He doesn't regret that. He had a limited amount of time during Battle City, and he had made the most of it. The fact that his enemy would sympathize had never occurred to him. Why would it? An enemy that sympathized wasn't an enemy...

He doesn't fully know what to do with this. Is certain he wouldn't have, before. And can't help but feel a faint whisper tickle his ear, telling him: this man did not do it. Did none of the things Marik had attributed to him.

Yet this man had forgiven him all of the attempted murder. Had learned of the committed murder and decided Marik was still worth saving. So he has to - now -

What is he supposed to -

Answer the question. It doesn't matter why it was asked. It doesn't! He knows the answer, so he'll give it, and then he'll...

How can he use this? How can he use this. (Out of the way, doubt.) He did this for a purpose. He has to get back on track..... ]

Your return was foreseen. We would know you by the Gods you wielded, and we would make you whole again.

Because you were our King.

[ And - that was it. There was never supposed to be an "after", for the Tombkeepers. Their reason to exist ended upon the Pharaoh's return.

Yet here Marik is. And here Atem is.

And he somehow has to pull this back around to Atem confessing to Ryou, which even Marik realizes is a little ridiculous, but that is in turn for the sake of this Pharaoh, returned to glory, liberating them from Ryslig, which is not.

But...what is this pressure from the Pharaoh, really...? What is this...reaction...? ]

[Because he was their king--!

So. It's what he was afraid of, after all...

This was put into motion because Atem came from a place of power and privilege, and that meant that anything he needed would be given to him, even if it was carved on the backs of living people, of children! Because Marik...Marik's a Tombkeeper, someone who'd been given a great destiny and sacred texts handed down from ages past, but he doesn't look any older than Yugi, than anyone else. He looks like he should be in high school, not carrying around a dead king's destiny carved on his back! If anyone had done this to Jounouchi...to Anzu...

Atem's mind is awhirl, the empty, dark place in his heart (that's smaller now that his name is no longer lost to him and now that he's in a living body but which is still there) lapping at the shores of his mind. He can't help it -- his snakes' eyes go glazed, and he gives a humorless laugh.]

Heh heh. Heh heh heh...I'm sorry, it's not funny at all!...

[hey uh is the pharaoh entirely sane? that laugh makes it sound like he kinda might not be.]

But I was just thinking...if I did get my memories back, and I found out who ordered your family to live underground, without going outside, and to keep the secret to my memories this way...

...then, I'd never forgive them!

[Judgment, judgment is called for, here -- a trial of shadows -- but what penalty could be inflicted that would equal three thousand years of suffering?]

Heh heh...I bet they wouldn't be expecting that...

Th-then...

[ Then....what....?

What is the Pharaoh saying? Can the one whom destiny serves despise the way destiny works? Isn't.....isn't anger on the Tombkeepers' behalf the same as saying Marik was....Marik was right for wanting revenge.....?

But Sister had said he had sought revenge so the Pharaoh could teach them of its futility.....that only suffering could come of such hatred....Sister wouldn't lie.....

Yet the way the Pharaoh looks now.......

Marik, the man, come into his own as Heir of the Tombkeepers, is completely at a loss.

Marik, the boy, who wanted to explore, for whom too much was never enough, is utterly entranced. ]

Edited 2021-08-16 14:33 (UTC)

[ ....So Marik, the teenager, chuckles himself and attempts to tamper down everybody. Not the point right now! Not the point. There are plans....Yes. There are...plans. This was all for the sake of a plan, so if he doesn't get them back on track.... ]

Then you understand. Why nothing matters more to me than seeking the light.

[ He sighs. Phew! This had been weird. But it worked. Of course it worked! He tried it, so it worked. He's so talented. ] That's a relief. I'm glad you'll be confessing to...

[ huh? ]

Ryou....

[ why is his voice wavering

why does his head hurt

why are there tears

in his eyes ]

[This whole Ryou thing can wait.

(He's still not sure Marik doesn't like Ryou himself. Tears timing: suspicious!)

Atem slithers forward, putting both hands on Marik's shoulders, looking right into his eyes.]

The light...it never should have been taken away from you.

[He might have monologued further, if there weren't tears involved. Instead:]

I can't undo what was done. I wish I could, but I hear going back in time doesn't work like that! You can't make it so that bad things never happened...but, I won't forget it. I'll be here for you now! And, if anyone tries to do anything like that, ever again, they'll answer to me.

[punish them with a game of justice (and darkness!)]

It never...

[ What. What. He doesn't understand. This is the most reassuring touch he's ever felt, the nicest things he's ever heard, and yet they're also horrifying. The Tombkeepers were....wrong? What happened to him was....bad?

But that's not right. He's the....he's the bad one. Marik is the bad one! He murdered his own father! That's unforgivable! The murderer of Marik's father has to be made to pay, but it was him, not the Pharaoh, but now the Pharaoh is saying that if he had...been there....

Fa....Father....

Marik opens his mouth to protest, but nothing comes out, vocal cords stopped by how badly he's always wanted to hear the light never should have been taken away. His Pharaoh - the Pharaoh they served -

His Pharaoh would have wanted him to live...

Above the....

"The fate of every human being"......

He can't. He just - he can't. His head hurts, like he's splitting in half again, but this time there's no one up there to take the pain for him. There's no one up there to blame, or disown. There's just Marik, and all the things Marik wants, and how none of the things Marik wants can happen at the same time, but he wants them all anyway, and it hurts, and nothing will ever hurt again, and he's so trapped, and he's so free. ]

Rishid.

[ He whimpers it, whimpers the person's name who will make it all better, then hunches over, bringing his own arms up around the Pharaoh's, grabbing at his own head. He can't...he can't.....

Father.......

Father it can't be.........

had Marik been.....

Marik had been.......

..................................right....................? ]

Edited 2021-08-16 15:51 (UTC)

[He's opened a can of worms, here, but Atem can't bring himself to regret it. Letting Marik go on thinking that what had happened to him was unstoppable destiny, was right somehow, would be worse...that would feel like being complicit, like adding his own foot (metaphorically) to all of the ones that have already held Marik down, that have caused terrible pain.

No.

Better for Atem to let Marik experience this now, and work through it, and be able to be himself, than for Atem to use him. He won't do that!

But he also won't let Marik go through a breakdown alone. He doesn't know who Rishid is, if he's a good or bad figure, but Marik's clearly in his own head, and considering what Marik's been through, it's very probable that that's not such a good place.

(He has no idea!)]

Marik! Stay with me. Whatever you're thinking about, it isn't here! Look at me. Remember where you are.

[What helped Adam when Adam was stuck in circular thoughts, when he couldn't shake the fear of what had happened to him? Tea, something with a strong smell, and...

...the tip of Atem's tail hooks one of the blankets from the pile by the window. It's even a little warm from the weak sunlight! He brings it over, and puts it around Marik's shoulders. The snakes fidget.]

Remember what's true here! You're in Ryslig, in an apartment in Bavan. There's a game we have to win! You've got a plan, to beat the Fog!

[Atem's not sure it's going to work! But it sure is a plan Marik has, that Atem is going to follow!]

[ Where he is - Remember? Right....Right. He's. He's....

He's warm. It's warm, and light, here. The Pharaoh is ma'at, is order and Justice, and does not want Marik to suffer. The Tombkeepers, all this time, have been -

No. That's the big confusing knot, that's the thing Marik doesn't understand, but does he need to understand it, right now? No. Because it doesn't matter. What matters now is vanquishing the Fog, and escaping Ryslig, and returning home, where he's finally...

(could he have been all this time?) ]

Pharaoh. When I...get out of here....

[ Not "if". When. Marik takes a deep breath. Tries to come back. No more darkness, ever again. It never should have happened.

He lowers his hands, shaking, then goes still. Firm. He has to know. What's important here? Escaping from Ryslig. Why's that important? Because of what comes after. He has to ask. The Pharaoh will know.

The Pharaoh will save him. ]

....will I be permitted.....to be free.....?

[No seriously who does he have to penalty game. The fact that this was done, in his name...! He's so mad. Hopping mad. His hair snakes are agitated, hissing, but not threatening Marik; they're directionless, lacking a target, but oh boy do not attempt a boop.]

As if that were ever a question!

I'm sorry the family you served...turned out to be capable of things like this... This isn't the only sin they've committed. I don't know how many more I'll learn about, before the end! The memories I'm supposed to regain must contain terrible darkness.

[But he might have to get them back, at this point...Atem needs to know who was responsible, who decided to send an entire family underground, force them to torture their children, and blame it on "fate." Just thinking about it sets off the kind of anger that comes with rumbling sound-effects on the panel. He's been slipping in and out of that rage for the last minute or two.]

But of course you'll be free. All of you -- any other survivors -- you'll be released from any obligation you had to me.

[Because, even if it's important for getting his memories back, any service the Tombkeepers are able to perform for him...that should be given freely, earned through friendship, not coerced through brainwashing and hurt and fear. If he can't earn their loyalty himself, then he doesn't deserve to have their help! Not after what they suffered, for him.]

[ A sin....The Tombkeepers, themselves, did not commit a sin? Whoever...whoever did this to them....instead....he was the victim, after all? All of them. Rishid, and Sister, and Marik, and - and Father, too, Father, doing it all because they thought it was fate, thought it was right, when really their Pharaoh....

Rishid. Who do I hate for this?

He still doesn't know. But that person - Atem's ancestors? Tombkeepers of old? Marik is still having trouble imagining a person being in charge of this decision - they're the one who set Marik and his father on the course to tragedy. And hating them for that is....

Is okay?

And he's.....He's..... ]

Thank you.

[ He's free. Marik exhales, and three thousand years of torment sigh out alongside his breath. It never should have happened. It never should have happened! ]

Keh keh keh....Khahahaha....I have to get back. I have to tell my family!

[ Tell poor Rishid, who has never wanted anything more than to be one of them...

Tell his sister, who -

wait

wait if the Pharaoh never wanted, if destiny never wanted, any of this to happen

then Marik has been right to hate it all along

and his sister was wrong

Marik is GOING TO WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH HIS SISTER

HE'S ACTUALLY GOING TO BEAT HIS SISTER AT SOMETHING!

Marik laughs, liberated, and also kinda giddy. For some reason this seems like the funniest fucking thing. TAKE THAT!!!

...he does not realize he has started leaning on the Living Horus because remaining upright is kinda tricky right now. Oops. ]

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.

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wow self CW DISORDERED THINKING ESP OF A FAMILY ABUSE VARIETY

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