knifemonopoly | IC inbox

Well.... Yes. Ideally we don't scare off anyone who is good enough for Javert.

[ Annie had almost forgotten about how serious this was. The Inspector needs better taste in men. Annie has no idea how to say that to the man so this is a better plan. ]

Um. Bisexual is boys and girls. Pan includes... More. Like there's some people who don't have strong ties to a male or female identity. I suppose you could say pansexuals are more concerned with "I find this person attractive based on qualities I'm super into" without it being totally tied to gender? I'm just.... I'm a young woman and I'm allowed to not be settled even though I know I like girls and boys.

[He nods.]

Do you suppose Javert is also bisexual? Or is it only men?

We should probably stick to men as candidates, since that's what we know for sure.

Hm. I think he prefers men.... besides I think there aren't enough age appropriate ladies who would be eligible.

[ Lust might be his type? If Javert liked women like that. ]

We just need to find the right kind of man.

....I might know something about what he's looking for.

We know he's got an unhealthy fixation on being punished, to the point where AM's torture gets kind of weird. There's something of his in the gift shop -- a poster of himself as a devil, and a strong-looking man with white hair as an angel. It's a little...

...how do I put this.

[He furrows his brow, making himself think past the little bit of wine that's already making its way through his system. The other Yugi is a featherweight, and could get drunk off of sufficiently strong fumes. This is an unfortunate fact.]

I think it all might be muddled for him -- the idea that, because he can't live up to his own ideals here, he deserves to be punished, and treated roughly. But he likes rough treatment, and the man in the poster might be someone he could really see himself being punished by! That is to say, I think he prefers the strong type. AM's muscular, too...so I'm pretty confident in my conclusion.

Edited 2021-05-22 22:41 (UTC)

You mean he's looking for.... a strong man who can be his dom?

[ Just the question leaves Annie blushing. Strong looking white haired man?

Oh. Slade had slept with Javert and that is literally the only logical conclusion Annie can come to. That makes sense and yet Annie isn't going to ever bring that up. Seems to be in bad taste. ]

Angels tend to be principled. I guess we find ourselves a dominate man of conviction who is over the age of thirty. Javert needs someone closer to his age. I think he's in his mid-forties? We need them to have a strong enough personality and conviction to not let Javert continue to think he needs to be punished. He's done enough of that on his own.

[He nods, feeling a blush creep across his own nose, in response to Annie's.]

Anyone more principled than a humanized computer that claims to be programmed for torture will be an improvement.

There's nothing we can do about AM being here. It's that whole Fog-god freedom thing -- no attempt to contain a monster will last forever. But we can try to reduce the damage. That's what Javert was trying to do, by giving him the prison...it was to keep him occupied, away from other monsters. It meant humans got thrown to the wolves, but by then, I suppose, Javert had already started trying to convince himself humans didn't matter. The guy's crossed so many of his own lines since becoming a monster -- he had to redraw them in a way he thought he could live with, but he couldn't let go of how he felt, not really. His old ideals are still there, so he feels like a bad person.

It's pretty messed up, the relationship he and AM've got.

I haven't heard AM claim that but I do know he holds a very over powering hatred for humanity. I can't see him actually loving a human or former human. Lust? Yeah, but that's totally different.

[ Annie is convinced AM is pretty much down to fuck anyone who would be into it. She's not sure if he draws any lines but she also is unwilling to ask simply to avoid having to turn down any offers. ]

I think Javert has lost sight of himself. Someone, no idea who, got into his head and eroded his connection to his humanity. Being human isn't about having a pulse or the shape of one it's.... It's a state of mind.

You're right about him and AM. I don't know how to break that up. Javert has to see how unhealthy it us for himself or he won't be ready to accept our help.

[Eeeeeeeeeh he doesn't want to think about that no no no they need to move on from that, he's got memories of Lust as family, but if she can handle herself there then it's fine but he doesn't want to think about it--

--except--

--he takes another mouthful of the wine, deliberately, then holds it to the side with a frown.]

...is it just me, or are all of the older monsters kind of...seeing each other?

.... I meant lust as desire. Oh my GOD. I do not need to think of that.

[ That is her friend!

Not that she can blame her. AM probably has some good qualities if he is just being used as a 'chew toy. Annie just does not need to know that.

Ever. Cursed content, okay? ]

Maybe they're all polyamorus? I guess that's okay so long as no one is getting hurt. Honestly it would solve so many issues.

[LOOK HE KIND OF OVERHEARD A COMMENT AT THE BARBECUE and it's something he doesn't want to think about either? He had this cursed knowledge and he thought you did too, Annie!

The do-not-want expression is all over his face, and it's even more obvious that he wants to leave that alone by how quickly he moves on to the next topic.]

Is that like...you know...swingers? Free love? That kind of thing?

I... think so. I think it's like. A kind of model for a relationship. I think in a healthy situation you have it negotiated and planned out. Some people have open relationships some people close it to like, one or two people.

[He has reached the height of what she knows well enough to talk about with confidence. Yet Annie thinks it all makes sense still. ]

I'm tempted to tap someone else in but I don't know who to ask. Honestly? I think every relationship is a bit different. The important thing for a healthy relationship is like, talking it out. Like I said. I'm just not sure what the difference is between swingers and an open relationship. A lot of th5us is just an educated guess. I have considered doing a poly relationship. I like a few people but they'd need to be okay with it.

[Open relationships....or relationships closed to a couple of people...

....you can do that? And it's not cheating? It's just...okay? As long as everyone involved agrees and is all right with it?

His slightly buzzed little vampire eyes have been opened.]

That sounds...like it'd be nice, actually. If everyone agreed, then it'd solve the problem, of...

...of worrying about whether it's right or not to date someone somebody else likes. You don't have to be jealous, then...you can just be happy, for your friends.

[Anzu. He has no idea how he feels about Anzu, because most of what he feels about Anzu is "off limits, because Yugi likes her" and "terrified, awkward embarrassment at having no idea what the rules are for romance."

And also...Komaeda. Komaeda, who confessed to him, but who's definitely an item with the shade girl he gets along with so well, even if Komaeda doesn't realize it.]

Jealousy comes from being dishonest with yourself about your own desires, I've heard.

[ Annie takes another sip of her drink. She isn't drunk yet but her face feels warm. Is it from blushing or the wine?

She hasn't a clue. ]

I like in a serious way two people. I have no idea if I could date them both. They might not be able to do that. I think you need to be willing to be vulnerable if you want to be with someone. That's what intimacy is. Opening yourself up and trusting the other person to not hurt you.

I want that. I want someone who I know won't... won't care I'm pretty damaged.

[It's the second time he's heard that -- that you need to be vulnerable, in order for a relationship to work. He'll think on that more, later. Right now, there's Annie to think about, because--]

Damaged? Annie, you went through something terrible. And you survived. That's not being damaged. That's being strong!

[The other Yugi and his three sips of wine will not stand for his friends talking badly about themselves.]

It's okay to not be okay, though.

[ Annie flashes a small smile. ]

I mean I try. I don't always succeed in being good or happy but I... I think trying is the point.

[ Annie realizes the focus has shifted from talking about Javert and LGBTQ stuff to her. It makes her a touch uncomfortable. She doesn't know how to address she's trying to deal with her trauma. It isn't always easy either. ] I wasn't trying to talk myself down.

[?? Okay not to be okay? The idea is completely foreign to him, who, one, considers no part of himself bad or wrong or ugly, and two, has to be completely in control of himself, if not his circumstances, but ideally that also, literally all of the time. It's clearly confusing to him, as his brows contract above his eyes.]

Calling yourself damaged sounded like it.

It's true that you don't have to be happy all of the time! You should be with someone who you're comfortable being your real self around, not just your happiest self. Someone you can express your hurt and anger to, without being afraid they'll use it to hurt you more. Is that what you mean?

Maybe it was.

[ She bites her lip thinking about it seriously. He had avoided her desire to deflect things. Damn, he's good. ]

I think there are people I could be myself around. Which is all I've ever wanted. It's hard just letting it all hang out if you feel like you can't trust them.

[Another nod. Oh, boy, does he ever get that, and it throws something into relief for him...]

I understand. And being your entire self...sometimes, showing someone everything you are...

[--you know, a spirit of darkness and vengeance capable of playing real-life hangman outside a women's shelter and feeling grim satisfaction at a job well done instead of any kind of horror--]

...takes more than just trust.

I'm not ashamed of what I am, or anything that I've done. Not in the least! But there are some people who I can tell would be frightened by it. People who're gentler than I am. I trust them, but I don't want to frighten them, so...sometimes, I do feel like I can't be myself around them. Even though they're my friends!

[ Annie had been a-okay with that kind of murder. Er, game. Was it a penalty game? ]

You know I accept what you've shown me, right?

[ If she wasn't warm from wine she might fondly touch his hand. That seems like too much right now. ]

I don't think I'm embarrassed by anything. I am who I am because of a healthy love of film plus like... getting over trauma? If you need someone to be you around and are afraid of showing your darkness too much?

[ Annie gives him a slow smile. Under different circumstances she totally would add Other Yugi to her list of options. Right now she can only focus on a limited number of hot people. ]

Just remember, I'd totally date you if I wasn't already seriously flirting with the idea of two different people. I prefer being very focused. I'm currently refreshing my skills in a coded language just in case I need to flirt hard core.

[To her first question, with warmth:]

Yes. I know.

[...it is so relaxing being around her. She's sweet and kind but understands and accepts that sometimes, circumstances call for darkness, and appreciates the kind of thing that was his whole purpose for the better part of a year.

The "I'd totally date you" assertion, which under other circumstances might have set off fears of, "oh no is she going to decide she likes me and then have a personality 180 whenever I'm around and I'll have no idea what to do," doesn't feel worrying. He trusts that she's laser-focused on her other two prospects (he doesn't doubt she'll land them both), and instead, it feels like a compliment.]

It's just as well! I'm not sure I'm up to dating anybody, at the moment -- there are bigger questions about myself that I need to sort out than "who do I want to start seeing," and by the time that's settled, I'm certain you'll already have a situation that's agreeable to you.

[He winks at her. You got this.]

But anyone who dates you should consider themselves very lucky!

...

Why the coded language, though?

[Is that a dating-rule he doesn't know? That hard-core flirtation should be done in code?]

I'm glad.

[ It feels very gosh, she can't seem to recall the name of that space princess and her scruffy spacer love interest. Annie just knows that her friend has enough grace and charm to truly "get" her. She beams at him looking every bit the well-cultured young lady she is becoming. ]

You'll know when you're ready. For me I... I guess I needed some time to heal. Plus one of the people.. [ Her cheeks go pink and it's not from wine. ]

He and I keep running into each other. It's like having a weird magnetic pull. If I'm not careful I feel like I might... Well. I don't think he's ready for me to get too doe-eyed.

[ Annie considers it. ]

In case I want to flirt with a cute girl. I feel like in that case using flowers that help me tell her what I think of her but without words to get in the way would help. She's...I've known her for a long time. I'm not sure if she's like me. If I flirt with her like that, and she's not into me that way I can insulate my feelings.

Does that make sense?

Edited 2021-05-24 03:43 (UTC)

Yes, it does. You're far from the first to tell someone you like them indirectly!

One of my friends decided to confess his feelings for a classmate by writing a love note on a blank puzzle, breaking it up, and leaving it in a box in her desk to find. Unfortunately, it didn't work out...but it's a romantic idea! Using flowers to signal that you like her...I like that.

[He likes flowers. Why? He's not sure! But a flower language confession is almost as appealing as a game one, to him. It's nice.]

It also gives the other person time to consider their own feelings, before giving you a reply. When you're not expecting a confession, and you have to decide how to respond on the spot...you can't think your answer through.

[Sounds a lot like he's talking from personal experience. But direct confessions are intense on both sides when there's uncertainty! Flowers are much gentler, for something like that, especially if there's an existing friendship to consider, that you don't want to change if the romantic feelings aren't welcome.]

That's kind of cute. It might not work if she doesn't like puzzles. My Dad did that with my Mom, you know. He found out she was into Regency romances and figured out different ways to flirt based on that. He wasn't into some of it, but he liked the idea of flowers.

[ Annie groans dramatically and tosses her arm almost throwing the wine too. She catches herself and stops that. ]

The hard part is waiting. Honestly though I can't just put pressure on her. That's not right either. I can't believe I'm like this and I haven't even decided if I'm going to try flirting yet. I'm such a romantic dork.

[ At least this doesn't seem to be her talking bad about herself. The phrase romantic dork makes her giggle and shake her head. ]

I'll think on it. The other person I've considered... he and I are complicated. Half the fun really but also.... it's a mess. He made me cry by accident once. It wasn't really his fault but he really beat himself up.

[No, I'm such a romantic dork is the playful kind of teasing yourself, and only gets a fond grin out of him -- though he spots that wine inches from disaster, and nearly reacts! But, it looks like she's got it, so no need for vampire-speed wine-catching here.

The second part brings him down to a bit more serious, though. At least the guy was ashamed of making her cry -- that's better than what the other Yugi was imagining was happening. Still not great, but if someone beats themselves up, then the other Yugi doesn't have to come for them.]

Complicated...is fun?

[Shut up you're extremely gay for Seto Kaiba and if that's not complicated nothing is.]

Yes. Somehow... he keeps pulling things out of me I never would have talked about with just anyone.

[ Annie smiles fondly when she thinks about this guy. ]

I might not have started opening up as much without him around.

[ Things are always weird between her and Altair but boy, she wants to be vulnerable around him. Annie isn't quite ready to tell Yugi that. ]

Sometimes the best crushes make you work towards something. In my case, I just want to know him. The bits he's afraid to face to when he just wants to talk about art. Everything. I'd even be willing to let him see the stuff I'm not proud of.

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.

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cw torture mention

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cw torture, bad relationship dynamics

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cw in this thread for underage drinking! but you saw it coming upthread

cw: drinking and mental health talk

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