knifemonopoly | IC inbox

[He looks down, and away.]

I--I won't say whether it was needed or not. I'm...I still had no right to decide that.

I attacked you, over a human...no matter what the circumstances are, that's always the wrong move. And I decided I knew what was best, and put you through a penalty game...

...that's why I have to apologize.

[He looks back up.]

I haven't been that way in a long time, Nanami. That was an old me...one without any memories of his own at all! He didn't know anything...and because of that, you were hurt.

[Sincerely, openly, his brows drawn up in worry:]

Can you forgive me?

Yes. Yes, of course I do...

[ There's no hesitation. She does pull her hand away finally, but only so she can get up from her seat and crawl around the desk on her roots.

The hug she gives him is ginger, but only because she feels weird hugging someone as a tree. It's all angles and hard bark; it doesn't feel right. But it's Atem, in her arms, and that makes it better. ]

Are you alright? That must have been so scary... waking up in the middle of that...

[He hugs her back -- of course he does, with a surge of relief of his own. It is all Atem can do not to let the tendrils out of his back and hug her with those, too...it's tempting, he's an inch away, and he fails his saving throw.

The shadow tendrils come out and wrap around her shoulders and waist, bark or no bark, and squeeze back.

The relief is tempered, however, by lingering fear: it's very possible that the consequences of this are still hanging over his head. If one of Nanami's friends, one he's not on good terms with, hears about it...it could get ugly. Even Komaeda, Atem suspects, wouldn't let such a thing slide...and besides that, there's the penalty that comes from siding with a human over a monster, the bad luck, the curse. That might still come for him.

But, for now...she isn't upset with him, and even if Atem doesn't deserve that, he can accept it, with humility. ]

Don't worry about me...I have a lot of practice sorting out my memories! It hasn't been too bad.

[ Later, maybe she'll realize that the tendrils aren't a normal vampire power. For now she's just glad to be in his tight embrace.

She's glad he's home - well, a type of home. ]

Is that-- do you get more used to it-- over time, here? [ She tries a chuckle to lighten the mood, but it comes out sort of humorless. And she doesn't pull back yet, still hugging him. Reluctant to let go. ]

That's good, then... you were really different. So that's how things were, before here?...

[Now that the initial squeeze is over, the tendrils retract. Oops...but he can't bring himself to regret it. He stays in the hug, though.]

That was how I was in Japan...when Yugi solved the Millennium Puzzle, and let my spirit out. I didn't remember anything besides Yugi's memories...

...but I'm not like that anymore! I've got most of my own memories back...and there's tricks to keeping it all straight, and straightening it out again when it gets mixed up. Dr. McGucket will tell you about it...about how to make sure you know which memories belong to which phase of your life!

[He does pull back then, though. She's making the conversation about him, but is that because it's easier than talking about herself? He wants to get a good look at her face, pushing any fronds out of the way.]

How are you doing...with putting yourself back together?

[ Atem's searching gaze comes, and Nanami averts her eyes again. Even from a close friend, it feels too much like being put under a microscope. ]

He knows about that, huh... that sounds pretty useful. [ She pulls back and steps away, crawling back to the desk, digging into her bag. ]

I-I'm okay. I got pretty lucky, you know... the cat that gave everyone gifts last year, it gave me these...

[ It doesn't take too much digging to find the small little stack of photographs, in an easy-to-access pocket, and holds them up. The one on the top shows a small group of people, smiling and having a picnic.

Nanami's hand only trembles a little as she holds it up. ]

And I'm-- working on something-- so I can make sure I remember everyone I met here, too...

[Oh, she's not okay.

Atem knows her better than that.

He knows what natural behavior is, from her...

...and now he knows what it looks like, when she's trying her best to hold it together.

But, he's not sure it was all him...or she would have reacted worse, when she saw him. What else happened to her, out in the memory fog?

Here at her job doesn't seem like the best place or time to pry. So, instead, he goes to stand next to her at the desk, close by, to look at the photos.]

What's it going to be?

[ She considers handing the photos over when he approaches - but instead puts them away for now. Too precious. Doesn't want to risk losing them. ]

Just a list. I guess kind of a journal too. I'm still filling it out. Everybody I can remember, even the ones who aren't here anymore.

That's a pretty good idea...

[He takes a seat -- on the desk. Nope, not sorry, he sits here now, one leg bent flat at the knee, the other dangling down.]

I have something similar...a list of important memories from home, written out so that I can check them if it's probable I died. It's still bad if I lose a memory, but it's better than nothing!

The advice Dr. McGucket gave me was, if there's a memory you have, and you're not sure when it's from...look for physical tells. For him, whether or not he's wearing a wedding ring is a clue. For us, I guess it would be...what kind of monster were we at the time? And I remember whether I was wearing linen or a school uniform...things like that help to place it in time.

[It seems like he's made himself comfortable at the rec center's front desk and does not intend to move.]

[ It's probably fine, they don't get a TON of front desk visitors anyway. If Hinata comes by and has a problem with it... ehhhhhh.

She stares at the pink bag. Not... really looking at anything, again. But she hasn't noticed. ]

I guess I can think about that... but I don't know if it would have worked... they kind of all got messed up at once.

[ Plenty of memories from Ryslig got altered in the soup, in addition to the countless pre-Ryslig ones that she lost. She plays idly with a little zipper on the bag. ]

Maybe now it'll be easier... it's something else I can add to the list...

I know you were kidding before -- but it does get easier with practice!

[Ah...she's staring again...]

This job sure seems quiet...

...want to play a game to pass the time? If it doesn't remind you of anything bad, that is.

If it starts to, we can stop.

It's pretty quiet. Hinata-kun says I don't really have to do shifts, but I want to anyway. Otherwise he just spends all his time here and never sleeps.

[ Oh... a game. She blinks up at him finally. ]

Yeah. What do you wanna play? I think we've got some board and card games, and there's my GGA...

Ah...Hinata's like that about this place, is he?

[That can't be healthy.
Maybe he'll talk about it later with the guy...]

They all sound fun...how about this? I'll go over to the board games, close my eyes, and bring back the first one I touch! We can play card games and video games if we run out of board games.

Yeah, but I kind of get it. I'm like that about stuff too sometimes.

[ It's just... not one project with her. It's countless, and putting as many things on her plate as possible. Which Hinata also does. They have that in common. ]

They're over there... [ A little shelf of board games have been set up in the common area, some of them borrowed from the arcade.

Nanami gets up to lean on the desk to watch him get one, kind of spacing out again by the time he's moved away. ]

[Before she knows it he's back, with a game selected at random. It doesn't matter what it is: it just needs to keep her busy.

Gently, as he sets the game on the desk:]

Nanami.

[And, if she doesn't respond, he'll repeat it, touching her upper arm lightly.]

Edited 2023-03-27 21:36 (UTC)

[ There's plants in the next room over, and she can feel them. Better than she realized she could. They're well-watered, and in a sunny environment, well taken care of - just relaxing.

It takes a couple of tries, this time, before Nanami jerks out of her reverie. ]

S-sorry, sorry. Ah-- tea. [ Fog, she's been a terrible host. She turns to grab something from the fridge, or put a kettle on, so that they can both have something to drink. ]

That's okay! Hey -- Nanami.

[Even if she's busying herself with making tea, Atem goes out of his way, gets her attention. It's okay if she isn't looking directly at him, as long as she's listening.]

Whatever you're feeling right now...it's okay. I understand.

[It's familiar. Not precisely the same, but...Atem remembers going away behind his own eyes, too. At the point when it all became too much.]

Whatever happened, that's made you feel this way...if you want to talk about it, I'll listen. And if you never want to talk about it again, then that's fine, too. But -- you're not alone, Nanami. No matter what it feels like. If you let me in...whenever you're ready to do that...I'll be there for you. However you need me to be.

[She'll have to talk about it, if she wants other people to understand, though...it's likely others won't be able to tell. Not if they don't know her well, or are busy with their own problems. That's just how it goes...but she's a priority for Atem. Probably his best friend, here. He won't leave his precious friend Nanami to go through this alone.]

Edited 2023-03-27 22:07 (UTC)

[ The tea is just iced tea, which she's pouring into a couple of mugs from the cabinet; even putting together a hot set of drinks feels hard right now. This she can do.

But Atem's reassurances make her stumble again, almost like a glitch, and she has to hold the bottle with both hands to keep it from spilling. She sets it down.

No, what's wrong with her? Why isn't she just talking about this? Atem's right. ]

I... don't know if you could tell... but I lost all my memories. I thought I'd lived here all my life. I forgot-- all of my classmates.

[He listens, serious and sober.]

You remembered...being born a monster? Or were you born a Ryslig human, who changed?

Born in the forest. Raised by... um, the Fog. And the forest, I guess. [ She's not entirely clear on that one. Her brain filled in some weird details.

She comes back with the tea and hands one to him. Sits back down in her chair but doesn't touch her own drink. ] I mean... I know it'll happen, right? It's what happens to monsters. But...

[ But she had a problem with it. Why? Why wasn't it easy like she presumed it'd be, why did it hurt so much? ]

[He's quiet a moment, holding the tea, as she breaks off to think. But Atem speaks up before long.]

It's what happens to monsters if they lose.

[He truly believes that. Going back to the Sea...that's neutral, a pause. But losing all your memories?]

The penalty for running out of lives...is losing the human part of your heart. Your connections -- the ones you had before this place -- they're important! Those people helped make you who you are...they're part of you.

So, losing them...it's not a good thing.

[ But Nanami shakes her head. ]

It's what happens if you play. Atem-kun... you can't win Tetris. You can just hold off for a while and try to get a new high score. It's the same here. Either you go back to the Sea of Stars, or you lose your memories here instead.

[ And to Nanami, both of those are different forms of losing. She hesitates. ]

I thought.... I thought I was okay with that.

[He shakes his head, just a little -- he doesn't quite agree. But now isn't the time to debate it.]

So, all this time...you felt it was inevitable that one day you'd forget your Hope's Peak classmates? If you didn't go back to the Sea of Stars?

And -- now that you know what it's like...you're afraid of it. Because it's worse than you thought it would be.

[He's making sure he understands this right by repeating it back, slowly and carefully.]

[ She nods slowly. Still staring into the middle distance remembering it. ]

It was like I wasn't myself at all. You're right about that, Atem-kun... they're pieces of us.

[ She plays with one of her leafy fingers. Twists it, a little too hard, but it's not as bad as if it were made of actual flesh and blood. Her body's weird like that. ]

And not being yourself...that's ceasing to exist, just as much as death.

[He reaches over and puts a hand on her arm.]

So...you don't think there's any hope of getting out? Before we go back to the Sea, or lose ourselves completely.

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I flipped a coin for if he keeps his head or not lmao

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cw: self-harm if you squint?

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, PLAYER1. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 10.11.0.0.01 * PLAYER1 has joined 10.11.0.0.01 <PLAYER1>** If you're looking for someone you knew as Yugi before June, you've found him! It's Atem, leave a message.